To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

I would sack anyone who sent the first email. Yes, friendliness gets things done, that's hardly rocket science. Smarminess and faux interest does not!

This is the approach I take. I don’t mind directness if it’s polite enough and the person in real life is friendly enough. But I have noticed people are a lot more willing to help you out if you take this approach

The "truly" is too much

It sounds to me like this feedback is a result of your colleagues' complaints that they find your style abrupt and rude. It's been delivered a bit clumsily, especially the completely unnecessary expression 'flowery' but I would take what's been said on board.

My line manager has actually had to give feedback to our male dirrctor to rethink the way he communicates with her team. Sure she didn’t use the word ‘flowery’ but he was absolutely told he is too direct and blunt and that her team do not appreciate it.

Interesting, I hate flowery and agree with @Auldy that if you asked then what flowery meant they'd be digging themselves a grave.

I am polite and to the point, and say I need a number of things, please see list below: Because I need so many things I have to bullet point mine, or number them:

1. Inter-company reconciliation at YE 31/03/23.
2. Fixed Asset List @ YE 23.

I’m a senior female leader (late 40’s) and understand gender bias.

However, studies also show progressing at work is how well you are able to get on with and communicate with people. It is perfectly possibly this feedback is valid and nothing to do with gender bias, so rather than constantly posting “I just don’t understand why I have to…”, consider they may be right and you are too direct.

None of us know as we don’t know you or your emails.

Then you would be liable for constructive dismissal. You literally cannot sack someone for a friendly email. Have you never had a job before?

I have team members who are all OMG! And smiling faces etc and I just can’t be arsed!
inhave one person though who I do t like and I know my emails can be terse so I run it though AI and say ‘ make the tone warmer’!

I agree that no man would be asked to make their emails friendlier or more flowery in any way if they were professional but direct .
My Director barely uses punctuation, he’s so ‘to the point’

Why do people need such validation and niceness in an email?
Yes, if you are asking (phone or in person), then a friendly approach andxa comment about thei newxteeny, tiny kitten and its bean pad paws if welcomed, but in a written communication, it's ridiculous.
Same in meetings; no need to excuse why you cannot attend (sorry, can't make it, picking darling LaLa from ballet), just say, 'no I can't do that date' will suffice

@BoldBrickDreamer please include pics of cotton wool, clouds and flowers on all future emails! what a lot of drivel!

A storm in a teacup post. Mumsnet has nosedived steeply as far as quality of content post Covid. I miss the days when we had women of substance.

I’m sure you could have worded a quick polite dismissive response meaning an unmistakable “fuck right off”, then forgot about it to get on with your day.

i have sometimes responded to mansplaining or idiotic emails with the failsafe passive aggressive “That’s certainly… a point of view” It’s not hard is it.

I used to work for a French company (in UK). My supervisor hated the people she worked with but sent emails with "Dear..." every single time. She thought my "Hello..." wasn't friendly.

It's a flipping email.

This "hope you're well" and "have a great day" is SO insincere. Makes me boak. Why can't I have an interaction with any stranger these days without them coming out with dribble like that? "Take care" is the worst of the worst thought.

I thought you could if they are within their first two years of employment? You can sack them for anything you like as long as it's not breaching the Equalities Act?

The first one would piss me right off. And no it wouldn’t endear you to me, you are clearly not interested in my or my hypothetical kitten. You come across as a user and very false. It also implies you are asking her to break company policy.

The second one is too blunt unless you have a long email chain going already. In which case it could be ok.

There is a middle ground.
Hi Elsie,
I know the Q1 results aren’t published yet but we need them for the report we are working on. Can you pass them over as soon as you are allowed? Always busy around quarter end!
Thanks
Taggie.

Interestingly, I have just done a mental health first aid awareness course and asking how someone is, when it is a throw away comment and not ment at all is actively discouraged.

Ok. It is difficult to really know without both examples of the emails and knowledge of how your relationship with the receiver is.
But I chose this post because I think it is a good example.

I hope you are well.
It is not flowery, it is not unneeded stuff either. If you are addressing someone you have not seen or communicated in a while, it is the norm. And I think that if you do not use this or similar, you would get asked to soften up at some point.

It is a natural thing to some and an added bit to others. But it should be there.
Direct to the task, easy to read, is good- after you have greeted and addressed the receiver.
Otherwise soften your emails but, please, do not make them flowery! Are you meant to start with my dearest darling customer, and write them a poem?

Hope you are well is just an extension of hello - call it insincere if you like but it's part of the social dance you do. When you meet someone and you say how are you? you don't expect them to respond - not everything is literal but a greeting is an expected social norm.

I’d add a “please” in there, but otherwise it seems fine to me.

I have noticed school have started this. One of the deputy heads writes"as a mother of five" in every sodding email. I find it so unprofessional, but as a lawyer of many years standing i can't bear the faux niceties that have crept into emails. Surely an estate agent I have never met doesn't actually care how my weekend was, and frankly I don't give much of a stuff about hers. I do care whether they have managed to sort the chain out and we are ready to help our mutual clients move on to the next step. It's just a waste of time. And very gendered.

Oh no!, if it is that is BS, whoever said it!
At least they want to be really soft customer facing, for which they could provode templates. But if it is amongst colleagues, no way!
They need to give you some specific examples. And if it comes to your example, I would be looking for other job or checking with my union if they really can bend me in the pretzel shape they like or I do have a bit of a say, as I am not an AI machine!

I struggled with fluffing up my emails. Context is important. I was emailing clients and small tallk/fluff at the start and end of emails was expected.

I was so bad at it that I used to write the email then ask my secretary to add the fluff.

I have autistic traits which I think explains why it felt so unnatural for me.

Years later I can do l that small talk stuff but it's definitely an act to suit others.

I've spent the last year dealing with some really stressful stuff after my mum's death. One of the people I had to deal with from a distance ( not a lawyer) sent emails that were so sparse and brusque that I was convinced that I'd done something wrong, and she added to my stress enormously. When I got a notification of an email from her my stress levels went through the roof.

Six months in I met her for a face to face meeting for the first time, and she was perfectly pleasant and friendly. Entirely different, and all the scenarios I'd worried about proved not to be the case. Had she just written normal emails (not flowery, just not minimal) she would have spared my mental health. Even though we had that positive friendly meeting, I'm still getting these minimal communications. It's like she doesn't use even one word more then strictly necessary. It's s so brusque and cold.

I don’t like the term flowery but I’ve used the term “client friendly” before in feedback.

I’ve seen some shocking emails colleagues have sent clients that are “direct”. I’ve had to feedback to make it more “client friendly”. So for example to explain the reason they can’t help, or give context, rationale, or to apologise if something has been done incorrectly.

I think if you have direct emails but a warm relationship with colleagues in the office, it’s ok. But the feedback you’ve received suggests your email tone is a problem for someone so maybe warm it up and warm up some relationships- it may lead to better collaboration and influencing skills for you.

good luck

I tend to be too flowery and full of guff in emails. My manager keeps telling me to keep them succinct. (In life, I'm one of the quieter, more reserved ones) I wish I had OPs approach!