To think that being told to make my work emails more “flowery” is ridiculous?

[BoldBrickDreamer]

I was recently given feedback that my work emails should be more “flowery” and “softer.” Apparently, I come across as too direct, even though I’m always polite and professional.

I don’t see the issue - why should I have to add unnecessary fluff just to get my point across? Surely being clear and to the point is more efficient?

AIBU to think this is just another way of policing how people (especially women) communicate in the workplace? Or is there actually value in making emails sound a bit more “gentle?”

I agree about younger people (I’m not exactly old in my 40s). I have a new (24yo) colleague who last week sent me an email starting “Hi X hope you’re well!” when I was sat at the desk next to her and we’d already been chatting in person that day. Made me chuckle to myself, at least.

As an autistic person I value polite and direct emails more than flowery guff because it means that it's not hard to misinterpret the emails.

Employers that insist on the additional faff rarely consider employees on the receiving end like me, and it's ignorant and a bit ableist.

Tell whoever told you that shite to swivel. Your emails are professional. That's all that matters.

It’s hard to know without an example (and I’ve not had time to read the full thread), but I have a colleague who I imagine would describe themselves as direct but really they’re pushy, and insensitive to others’ situations. I know it gets people’s backs up.

An example might be that a bunch of actions are agreed in a meeting, they follow up with:

At the meeting you said you will take notes. Please send them to me by x date.

Whereas something like this could go down better:

Thank you for agreeing to take notes, when we met on x date, it’s very much appreciated. We agreed the notes would be completed by x date but if that becomes difficult please do say, as soon as you can. Please get in touch if you’d like to discuss.

Depends,if someone starts an email to me with:

Fang,

Blah blah blah blah...

This immediately gets my back up. Just two tiny letters "hi", a small greeting, will immeasurably improve the speed and helpfulness with which I reply.

I don't need flowery emails, but a basic greeting rather than being addressed like an Army cadet by a drill sergent does wonders for cordial working relationships!

Ha!! Yup, that'd do it 😂

I would guess that none of your male colleagues were given that feedback?

'Flowery' is such a silly way to describe work emails.

It is a work/business communication not poetry that you are writing.

Frankly I would start keeping note of any other comment or behaviour towards you that seems sexist and antiquated.

I have a male colleague who is really 'flowery'. He will send long emails with an initial paragraph going about how he hopes I am well/had a good holiday/weekend blah, blah, blah. Then he gets to the point which is invariably him needing my help with something. The whole thing feels so fake and just comes across as if he is 'buttering me up' with a long intro because he thinks I will be more likely to help him as a result.

I much prefer concise and to the point emails rather than this type of fake friendliness.

My pet hate is a Teams message out of the blue with no 'hello', just a demand for something. So rude.

I share care for various family members with acute and chronic illnesses. Sometimes in conditions of considerable distress. Being told "Have an amazing weekend", "I hope this finds you well", "enjoy the rest of your day" or "did you see the match?" by someone who knows nothing of my circumstances is grating. They aren't asking me to tell them if I'm OK, offering help or even expressing any solidarity or fellow-feeling. It's none of their business, completely meaningless and totally insincere. I limit myself to "I hope things are OK with you" if essential. I would welcome any other suggestions of neutral pleasantries, if anyone reading has them. Flowery emails not welcome here.

The number of people saying this is sexist is quite frankly ridiculous.

But then key dates are buried in a load of unnecessary waffle. Also, why give someone a reason to be late?! A deadline is a deadline.

The first is a little abrupt but also clear.

But would he write “just a note” and “thanks a million!!!”? I would be surprised if he does.

OP, your example email was fine. It is possible that the commenter has been shot down herself for being too “direct” (for a woman) and is either trying to make your life easier or has internalised that feedback.

But PP had a good suggestion to check if your style is bugging your manager.

Polite and direct is my preference.

'@loveawineloveacrisp

The number of people saying this is sexist is quite frankly ridiculous.'

Nope.

I doubt very much that any male, especially in senior management, are asked to use 'soft' and 'flowery' language in their communication.

This is the type of language used by dinosaur male managers to imply that women are expected to be nice and quiet in the workplace...

Being clear about what you’re communicating, with polite tone is fine if it’s with colleagues. I work in a pressured environment and frankly I’d see any request framed as ‘just wondering’ or ‘if you have a moment’ as simply not a priority. It’s also not very neurodiverse friendly or clear to people who don’t have English as a first language.

Hi X

Did you have time to contribute to the report we discussed earlier this week? It goes out on Friday morning so please update with the latest figures by then. Let me know if you need a quick chat first. Thanks for your time on this X!

Best wishes
Power

Yeah polite and direct emails usually come across as stern, rude and robotic so get my back up. It doesn't have to be all emojis and kisses but just some warmth and maybe humour. It goes a long way for fostering good work relationships.

I think the male/female thing is a red herring.

I've worked in several places and three of the best bosses were male. Flowery is an odd choice of word (suspect it's OP's word not who gave her the advice?) but emails that are human centred start with Hi / Dear and your name, and if it's a sensitive issue (could be interpreted as a criticism, etc) give some background to why it's being asked just to make for good relations and better staff morale.

The three worst bosses I or my DH had were female, intransigent and authoritarian. One of them never put a greeting at the front of emails (saw it as a waste of time - one of my male bosses said how much it pissed him off and left him feeling undervalued).

When she left, no-one bar a handful went to her leaving do.
MyDH's boss went through a disciplinary and she was managed out for really serious bullying.

Nice emails aren't the be all and end all, but brusque, barking emails are sometimes symptomatic of much bigger issues.

I'd take heed of the advice, OP.

But OP does already say “hi [name]”, “thanks”, and “when you have a chance”.

To be honest, like a PP, if someone says when you have a chance/a moment, it goes to the bottom of the priority list for me. It doesn’t convey a deadline or any urgency.

@BoldBrickDreamer

"I’d say something like “Could you take a look at this when you get a chance? Thanks!” Still polite, just not overly flowery."

Despite what I posted above, that sounds totally fine to me OP... perils of not RTFT before posting...

Are you sure there isn't one email exchange with one colleague where you might have been more brusque and they've made an informal complaint to the boss who spoke to you?

I disagree. And I've worked in financial services for over 20 years.

"When you get a chance" invites "Well, I didn't", so don't do this.

Propose action and with dates.

People are busy, and need to know the bottom line.

Also who raises other people’s email style with management? Baffled people have the time and headspace tbh. I mean if it’s about a colleague and there are other issues going on then okay. But just moaning about lack of fluffiness in correspondence speaks of someone who likes stirring up trouble.

@BleachedJumper

Do you think your boss objected to you directing the timeline?

Yes I agree - if I was the boss I'd be slightly peed off to be directed like that by a more junior colleague-

If I was junior /equal I'd add something like - if you could get it to me by Friday at noon it would be a great help as it needs to be submitted on Monday and X also needs to input on it.

And then I'd put a 💐 and couple of kisses 😉

Are the emails just internal to colleague or to customers? There is a big difference if they are customer emails.

Flowery language does not mean 'softer', it means using more elaborate words and Complex sentence structure.
Do you write like a young child?

Yes I could, and that's what I would do. But inevitably Steve will then come back and that won't be what he wants. And as Steve wants help from me, it's for him to tell me what he wants, not for me to try to guess. Just sending off a one line email and expecting people to read between the lines is really lazy.