To think that women are still doing the brunt of childcare even on holiday?

[Binman]

I've just returned from a half term holiday with grandchildren and I am genuinely sad at how much of the childcare still falls to the women. I can honestly say that my observations around the pool and the restaurants it is the mother who is changing, feeding, applying sun cream etc. The father may get in the pool for a while but is mainly chilling while the mother does the main care.

I know there are hands on dads out there but the more I noticed the more I observed and so many of the fathers only did the fun bits in the pool or the quiet time, which was mostly the child on a phone or iPad.

It was the mothers sitting with the child on the plane or carrying three hand luggage's while the father carried the child. While waiting for our flight a woman I was talking to said she was dreading the flight as she was exhausted, when I asked her why she didn't sit in the 4th seat and leave the 2 children to her DH on one row, she said he won't do that.

I suppose my AIBU is that should the fathers not be stepping up, where both parents need a relax and respite from their usual daily grind?

This is where I am so thankful for my lovely Dad who parented equally with my Mum and set that expectation for me.

My DH's parents are the complete opposite. Fortunately DH took my Dad as his parenting role model and has done his best to break the pattern.

I do still have to sometimes remind him that I am not the default parent, so things are not perfect. However he grew up in a family where 'women's work' was invisible, so he has come a long way.

I will say that I have never had to remind him to parent his own children on a plane or by a pool.

Maybe I’m odd
but I loved having the excuse to head off early, put the children to bed, and then sit out on the balcony with my book and nothing but the sounds of the waves to distract me.

Our routine was me definitely doing more of the heavy lifting… but I’m a control freak and absolutely suited me.

Whereas DH was the one playing with the children and genuinely enjoying it, which is not my thing at all

in a good marriage, you play to your strengths and whilst that might not be very politically correct - if it works and everyone is happy, then it works

Would your DH not be with you helping to put the DC’s to bed and then sitting on the balcony together?

If just us…. Then yes
if with friends…. Then last time a mix went leaving some women and some men. I always went because I loved that hour of sitting outside on my own reading. With a fruit tea! 😂

Retail here and dh wfh three days a week so we share the running about. If we were both wfh I don’t know what way it would be but yes possibly/ probably more me.

My husband and I shared parental leave in 2016. We were the first at both of our companies to do this.
Although I missed a few months at home with DS, I’m so glad we shared leave. My husband is an equal parent: in no way would I say that he leaves the parenting to me.

Can’t imagine DH or I going out with friends on holiday as opposed to spending the time together. Holidays are together time - life at home is busy and separate so holidays are an opportunity to be as a family.

I’m happy for you
Clearly that is important to you 😂

life at home is busy and separate

That is a shame though. Ours certainly isn’t.

Do you work together and home educate your DC’s?

Most people aren’t together during the working/school day.

He WFH
i work part time
lunch together everyday (out in the garden at the moment… bliss)
Evening dog walk together everyday day

that’s just for starters

My children are early mid teens and I most certainly do not hope ed. Perish the thought! 😂

@JoyDreamer86 Contraception. Again, should be the responsibility of both partners and not just the woman.

So if its 50/50 responsibility on contraception what does that actually involve?

Imagine writing that about any protected characteristic other than sex.

@JoyDreamer86 Condoms and, when family complete, vasectomy.
There is also withdrawal or abstinence.

Well if taking a small pill, getting an implant or occasional injection is too much stress or hardwork then yes you can spend those 30+ years you talked about faffing about with condoms or like you say spend 30+ years abstaining from sex 🙄

@JoyDreamer86 Clearly you are completely unaware of the many side effects of taking the pill and of the other hormonal contraceptives you mention, especially long-term.
Alternatively your husband can opt for a simple procedure.

I think I’m just so used to it now.

We need to stop doing everything. I did. I go to work fulltime. I have no desire to be only a mother. I always said if we divorced we would share the children 50/50. Heck I’d be ok with just the weekends.

People will treat us how we allow them to treat us.

Now how did I know you would try and turn it around- your original comment re contraception was simply that it wasnt fair that men didnt have to take a pill but women do. For many many women modern contraception is something they are very grateful for, but for you all you think of is boo hoo why dont men have to take a pill, why dont they get their privates operated on instead!

We did shared parental leave, now we've both compressed hours.

I notice that rather than getting lauded as a hero, my husband largely gets side-eyed/sidelined at toddler activities. None of my baby friends have gone back to work full time, and all of the other dads have stayed full time.

I think in general women are more conscientious about parenting than men. We actually care about our kids being clean & tidy, nourished with healthy food, socialised, taught manners , entertained & kept safe. Many men just couldn’t care less so mums step in & do it all for the sake of their DC! So dad gets away with doing very little , mum becomes default parent, DC go to mum for everything & the cycle continues.

@JoyDreamer86 No it wasn't!!! 😄
But show me the evidence which shows having a vasectomy increases the risk of a number of cancers... nope, thought not.
Now look at the evidence relating to long-term pill use.
Like I say, I'm delighted my husband opted to have a small and not particularly painful 20 min procedure so I didn't have to keep increasing that risk, and I knew that I wasn't going to get pregnant again, suffer multiple losses or a life-threatening ectopic, have to make a very difficult decision to terminate or be faced with an unwanted pregnancy, one we couldn't afford etc.
So yes, I do personally think men that are definitely done with having babies in a long-term relationship are pretty selfish for not having a vasectomy. What could be the reason against?