To think that women are still doing the brunt of childcare even on holiday?

[Binman]

I've just returned from a half term holiday with grandchildren and I am genuinely sad at how much of the childcare still falls to the women. I can honestly say that my observations around the pool and the restaurants it is the mother who is changing, feeding, applying sun cream etc. The father may get in the pool for a while but is mainly chilling while the mother does the main care.

I know there are hands on dads out there but the more I noticed the more I observed and so many of the fathers only did the fun bits in the pool or the quiet time, which was mostly the child on a phone or iPad.

It was the mothers sitting with the child on the plane or carrying three hand luggage's while the father carried the child. While waiting for our flight a woman I was talking to said she was dreading the flight as she was exhausted, when I asked her why she didn't sit in the 4th seat and leave the 2 children to her DH on one row, she said he won't do that.

I suppose my AIBU is that should the fathers not be stepping up, where both parents need a relax and respite from their usual daily grind?

Each to their own. Maybe the kids won't been quite so keen on being glued to you 24/6 as they get older though

I worry about the example we have set our DC as my DH has MS & hasn't always been able to take equal responsibility for childcare, cleaning, cooking etc. I try to instil in my sons that they help around the house, cook
(ds1 is an amazing cook) , do their own laundry & not expect me to do it all for them. I would hate for them to turn out like the selfish lazy arses on this thread.

DT’s are now in their mid 20’s and live in a different continent to DH and I. Thankfully they still enjoy our company and we had a skiing holiday together at Christmas. We visit them regularly and are welcomed. We’re a close family even though now 000’s miles apart.

This is me and we also did shared parental leave 😆

We work to our strengths. He’s much better at playing, cooking and tidying as he goes.

I don’t enjoy play as much but I’m better at cuddles, making sure DC has the clothes and toys he needs, and I do more actual cleaning (I’m messier).

That must put a lot of pressure on holidays? @Parker231

We are a busy family. But spent a lot of time together. Dinner every night together, I often have lunch with my husband, we sail together as a family at the weekends… loads of family time together in the daily course of life.

Holidays are an extension of that but if someone fancies some alone time on the balcony….
no one would blink. Family life shouldn’t be so insanely busy that family time is dependent largely on a weeks holiday here and there

Family holidays are zero pressure - we enjoy each others company. At Christmas we have my parents, sister and her family, DH’s parents, his sister and her family and our DT’s all staying over for a week.

Holidays are together time - life at home is busy and separate so holidays are an opportunity to be as a family.

Sounded quite loaded to me

why are all your lives so separate? Do you have dinner together? Spend weekends together?

What relevance does one week over Christmas have? Are you using this as an example of how not “separate” your family is?

DT’s are now in their early 20’s and living on a different continent to DH and I. When they were younger family life together was a priority but DH and I both worked long hours (I also traveled regularly for work). DT’s had mandatory after school homework classes before coming home for a family dinner and then we would take them to their activities.
Weekends were family run together and out for breakfast before DT’s went to spend time with their friends (as teenagers do).
Life is busy so holidays together very precious

Ok so that understands why you might feel like someone enjoying an hour alone on the balcony as something negative

when actually for many families… put every day life is very entwined and certainly
not separate. And holidays are an extension of that family dynamic but in a different location! 🙂

I can only speak from my pov but this is far from my experience and same across my friends and family.

What I will say though is that until dads get equal parental leave and aren’t chucked out of hospitals to leave the mum to somehow recover from birth and look after a day old baby it’s hard to change. Essentially from birth the way we run things puts mums as the primary parent and dads a distant second. That bleeds over into life. We’ve never had that problem, which is possibly a reflection on DH more than anything (including he had DS for a couple of nights at 3 days old as I went back into hospital so just jumped in two footed and figured it out).

Do you have teenagers?

12 and 14

Both your children live on different continents @Parker231 ? On the same continent or different?

A big thing is that I work part time. And my husband doesn’t work long hours

DT’s are now in their mid 20’s and in post grad jobs - DD is in Brussels working for the EU and DS is in Amsterdam working in engineering. DH and I live in Canada. DT’s have dual Canadian/Belgian citizenship.

Wow!

Ok so I fully understand why holidays so incredibly important for your family time