DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

Well you can if you don't mind applying a double standard so big you could put a motorway through it, I suppose.

But either it matters what time dishes are done, or it doesn't. And the DH complained specifically about the doing of the dishes, which means this is not solely about the podcast.

It’s not a matter of ‘deserving’ or not. That word implies that a person has somehow earned their lie in, the implication being, especially if only one of you is getting a lie in, that one person is somehow more worthy than the other.
There must be time in the week for both of you to have one at some point. If you are getting no opportunity for a lie in, then no, he certainly should not be getting one either.

I mean honestly how loud is the washing up , was he being a bit dramatic , I mean I have the washing machine , dishwasher and the hoover going and my music , it’s never disturbed anyone . Maybe buy him some ear plugs 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Is OP entitled to any? They've got a youngest who's up at the crack of dawn every day.

It's not a double standard in the slightest.

I'm saying it doesn't matter when the dishes are done but that if you choose to do them at 8am on a bloody Sunday, then at least have the decency to keep the noise down when other people are still asleep.

If your youngest is 10/11 you really don’t need to take turns having a lie in, you both can lie in.

yabu to be moaning and waking people up.

if the problem is division of labour, then you need to talk it threw with him.

The OP implies this by saying that he went to his mums and would be told ‘there there’ like an enormous manchild

I lay in Saturday and dh lays in Sunday usually until around 930. The other gets up with kids and keeps them entertained downstairs it's impossible to be totally quiet though.

I agree with this. Also, people who don't drive really don't appreciate the time that driving/waiting around/driving takes up.

I don't know if you were 'crashing around', OP, only you know that.

Hang on - when is YOUR lie in? Do you ever get one? Sounds like you’re the one who gets up with the kids. Is that every day?

Him huffing about not getting a lie in today is a bit rich if you don’t regularly get one.

You do sound inconsiderate to be fair.

It's a huge, whopping great double standard.

Washing dishes and pans inherently makes a noise. It isn't a silent process. You've repeatedly referred to crashing around doing them, meaning it's not about the podcast but the act of washing them. Unless you're going to tell us why doing them at 2am automatically makes less noise than at 8am, which you're not because it doesn't, you're saying it's fine for DH to do them when at least three people are in bed, but not for OP to do them when at least two people are up.

Of course she is. They should both take that Sunday in turns and manage it like adults. Not doing pass agg stuff like crashing about on a Sunday morning.

Plus, their youngest is, like, ten. How fucking early should a ten year old be getting up? I'd be having some serious words with that kid with regards to boundaries, as they (special needs notwithstanding) are old enough to entertain themselves in their room when they wake up at Dawn's crack.

OP said:

'I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.'

Parents normally say 'there, there' to their children when they are comforting them about something they are upset about.

I think he's unfair to complain about the noise of you doing housework. But I don't see why you wouldn't put headphones in to listen to the podcast.

It sounds like you don't have a toddler or baby so why are you getting up at the crack of dawn with an older child unless they have additional needs? They also need to learn to get up in the morning, get some breakfast and allow others to sleep if they want to.

Of course you can wash dishes quietly. DH regularly washes up at gone midnight before he comes to bed and he's never once woken me up in the process.

So again, time is irrelevant as long as the person doing the washing up is considerate and keeps the noise down. And if you can't keep the noise down, maybe reconsider how you wash up

The youngest is 10. Year 6, surely old enough to survive for a few hours while op has a lie in.
kids probably on YouTube.

He was awake

Yeah of course she is, but disturbing her DH when he’s trying to have a lie in doesn’t achieve this- it just means neither of them get to relax. She’s not going back to bed!

If she wants a lie in herself I agree this should be something they discuss to see if he can take their littlest on a Saturday morning for example (before football). But I don’t think this is the way to achieve it.

If you're not getting equal downtime, that's a conversation you need to be having with your husband. Marrying and having kids doesn't mean that every second of every day is dicated by other people in a healthy marriage. The fact that this seems to be the accepted norm is why I do not and will never have children.

I am a forty year old woman.

You both deserve a lie in. You need to have a conversation about how you make this happen.

Also, you need to learn to drive. That's a big ask when you're the only one driving.

But their 11 year old wasn't.

And I just don't think it's necessary to make a load of noise while doing housework on a Sunday morning when other people are in bed. Sounds like there was no reason for OP to be up herself either, she just chose to get up early.

Not remotely unreasonable but then I hate lying in bed, I don't see the point.

Just how loud are people washing up and picking up clothing? I've been up since 7 my kids had a lie in I've washed clothing plates grabbed washing been in and out the back door (which sticks) I could have hoovered (ancient dyson noisy as hell) and they would have maybe woke up (I didn't I have nice neighbours)

11 year old don't need a lie in if they go to bed on time