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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

327 replies

Summatoruvva · 02/03/2025 11:48

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

OP posts:
offmynut · 02/03/2025 12:09

RaininSummer · 02/03/2025 12:07

Team husband I am afraid unless he is sleeping most of the morning away.

Im guilty of this i can sleep the whole morning away some days i get up 11.30am
sometimes 12.

Merryoldgoat · 02/03/2025 12:10

I don’t really understand the morality ascribed to getting up early when there are no plans.

ALovelyShadeofMauve · 02/03/2025 12:10

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

All this “sprang out of bed” business and the way you say “it was 9am”, as if that’s an outlandish time to stay in bed until, sounds a bit insufferable to be honest. I wouldn’t consider 9am a lie-in. Why are so many people determined to turn getting up early into a virtue?

ALovelyShadeofMauve · 02/03/2025 12:10

RaininSummer · 02/03/2025 12:07

Team husband I am afraid unless he is sleeping most of the morning away.

Would that be so bad?

GoodToBeHome · 02/03/2025 12:11

I physically cannot lie in no matter how tired I am, I am often up and pottering about by 5.30am at the weekend! Luckily for me my husband is the same and my teenagers would sleep through the end of the world!!!
I would feel like I had wasted a day just lying in bed and would be doing the same as OP but if you have both agreed to one lie each per week then you should keep the noise to a minimum so he can sleep, maybe just sit quietly with a coffee and a magazine and use his lie in day to relax yourself!

JustWalkingTheDogs · 02/03/2025 12:12

I'm kind of on your husband's side here. I'm naturally a night owl, but go to bed early in the week so I can get up for work. My dh is an early bird and will often get up early to do his 'things' such as walk the dogs, surf the net and this morning he batch cooked meals for next week. But because he knows I need one lie in a week he keeps it quiet until I'm up.

Unless he doesn't offer you the same curtesy, is a lazy arse etc I think you could pop some earbuds in and stay out of the bedroom and keep the kids quiet until mid morning.

Merryoldgoat · 02/03/2025 12:12

offmynut · 02/03/2025 12:09

Im guilty of this i can sleep the whole morning away some days i get up 11.30am
sometimes 12.

Show quote history

Me too. I need more sleep than most people. I always have. The weekends are when I recharge.

LoztWorld · 02/03/2025 12:13

ALovelyShadeofMauve · 02/03/2025 12:10

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

All this “sprang out of bed” business and the way you say “it was 9am”, as if that’s an outlandish time to stay in bed until, sounds a bit insufferable to be honest. I wouldn’t consider 9am a lie-in. Why are so many people determined to turn getting up early into a virtue?

Agree! You’re just a different kind of person to him OP. Neither of you is better than the other because of your preferred waking time.

However it does sound like he’s not pulling his weight around the house and that’s something it will be more effective to talk to him explicitly about, rather than passive-aggressively taking away his lie-in. I do understand why you would though.

Downtoearthandsinksthesun · 02/03/2025 12:13

I would be pretty pissed off. Lie in's are precious.

ArabellaWeird · 02/03/2025 12:13

I am generally resentful/overwhelmed about the housework

Deal with this. Lie in's aren't the issue here.

namechangebeepboop · 02/03/2025 12:13

makes me glad my youngest will be 20 by the time I’m 50. At that age I actually can’t imagine still doing all the clubs and football matches, I barely have the energy now let alone at 50 to be working, housework and taking care of young kids. So yeah it sounds like he needs a lie in, sleep is incredibly important. Not much to be gained in being a martyr on the one day you can sleep.

TickingAlongNicely · 02/03/2025 12:14

He's not unreasonable to want a lie in.
But how much noise wete you actually making? Radio, washing up, laundry etc aren't usually that noisy.

GretchenWienersHair · 02/03/2025 12:16

YABU

FindusMakesPancakes · 02/03/2025 12:16

Oh gods, springing out of bed at anything with an 8 in it on a Sunday morning is wholly unnecessary. I wake earlier than my husband and just chill in bed until he wakes. Once we are both up, we both do the daily chores. Although if you work part time and don't drive to be able to do other stuff, it seems fair to me that you do more of the housework than him.

Pigeonqueen · 02/03/2025 12:17

namechangebeepboop · 02/03/2025 12:13

makes me glad my youngest will be 20 by the time I’m 50. At that age I actually can’t imagine still doing all the clubs and football matches, I barely have the energy now let alone at 50 to be working, housework and taking care of young kids. So yeah it sounds like he needs a lie in, sleep is incredibly important. Not much to be gained in being a martyr on the one day you can sleep.

Same here.

Plus, unless there’s a medical reason why you can’t learn to drive (?) I wonder if there’s some resentment that he’s the only driver and has to do all the football stuff. I am the only driver and dh has been saying he will learn for the last 15 years and I cannot tell you how fed up I am with all the driving always falling to me.

TheseCalmSeas · 02/03/2025 12:20

YANBU. He was awake when you got out of bed.

He probably didn’t like hearing you working away and felt guilty/shame. I would stick headphones on for the podcast but carry on with the rest.

Jean24601Valjean · 02/03/2025 12:20

Have I misread it or has everyone else missed the fact that OP says she is always up at the crack of dawn with her youngest? I.e. never gets a lie-in? Sounds like that would be a good place to start in order to reduce the resentment at DH's lie ins. Sorry if I've misunderstood though.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/03/2025 12:21

Yabu - just be quieter! Of course he deserves a lie in regardless of age.

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 12:21

Jean24601Valjean · 02/03/2025 12:20

Have I misread it or has everyone else missed the fact that OP says she is always up at the crack of dawn with her youngest? I.e. never gets a lie-in? Sounds like that would be a good place to start in order to reduce the resentment at DH's lie ins. Sorry if I've misunderstood though.

But the solution to that isn't to crash about on a Sunday morning and wake everyone up.

Endofyear · 02/03/2025 12:21

I'd be annoyed too, I love a lie in at the weekend! Your DH did the football with your son on Saturday so I think it's reasonable to have a lie in on the Sunday. If you feel that he's not pulling his weight generally, that's a separate issue that need to be addressed.

Ad an aside, why don't you drive? I think it's quite unfair on one partner to have to do all the driving.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 02/03/2025 12:23

I can't lie in. I creep out of the bedroom and go and do some work or knitting. I certainly wouldn't be listening to podcasts without earphones or clattering around in the kitchen while dh and ds are still asleep. Dh and I both work full time and I have a more full-on job than he does (after many years of it being the other way around). I'd be a bit pissed off if he slept in until midday, but he never gets up later than 10, and often much earlier than that.

ThePartingOfTheWays · 02/03/2025 12:25

Summatoruvva · 02/03/2025 12:03

Thank you. I am feeling conflicted with a tinge of guilt. I honestly was trying to be quiet. He was awake when I got out of bed and he never nods back off. Unless I’m ill I don’t really lie in because youngest is up crack of dawn.
I am generally resentful/overwhelmed about the housework and rarely get that spring into action feeling.

Not sure this is really about the lie in.

rainingsnoring · 02/03/2025 12:26

Leave him alone to enjoy his lie in. It sounds as if he is tired and needs the extra sleep. It also sounds as is there was no necessity to get up at any particularly time as you haven't mentioned that the DC need to taking to an activity. If you had three under 5, I would be on your side, but there is no need to be up with a 9 and 11 year old. If he isn't pulling his weight with housework, that's a different matter and definitely one to discuss.

TheseCalmSeas · 02/03/2025 12:28

biscuitsandbooks · 02/03/2025 12:21

But the solution to that isn't to crash about on a Sunday morning and wake everyone up.

Show quote history

He was awake

Sundayslump · 02/03/2025 12:29

50s husband . Toddlers. He never ever gets up before 11 on weekends. He cooks , cleans , does all the laundry. Earns good money and shares every penny. Listens to my worries and is amazing. But he never surfaces before 11. I’ve been up since 6am with small people. 5 hours before he has come down.