DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

It was 8:15 when she got started. No, the whole house doesn't have to be up at 9. Let a weekend mornings be peaceful and quiet. OP was being passive aggressive here and that just doesn't fly. She resents him having a lie in when she gets up early with their youngest (age not specified) meanwhile he has done every bit of driving for the entire family for 11 years +. He's running the youngest to 2 activities a week, something about under 11s so this is not a baby or toddler plus the 11 year old plus shopping and any errand. I would bet he's got some resentment over that.

She works school hours. He works full time at "not especially tasking" job. Any job is exhausting at times.

There's a real vibe of resentment and passive aggressiveness and dismissiveness dripping from OP here.

Honestly, your behaviour sounds like a sulking child, stomping around making noise.
learn to use your words and communicate with each other about household and family chores. Everyone deserves a lie in, and everyone needs to share the load.

@Summatoruvva

oh OP, lighten up! The dishes can wait! Everyone deserves a lie in at the weekend if they want one.

Yes, how dare anyone do something they enjoy on a Sunday morning?

And yes if your youngest is over about 5 it’s absolutely fine for them to get up and watch tv for a few hours on their own. Leave the boxes of cereal where they can get them. I don’t understand why you can’t have a lie in on the other weekend morning?

Is it possible that you could be martyring yourself a bit?

Bit more info needed. How old are your children? Do you get a lay in? What time did he go to bed? I don’t think you are being unreasonable though. Certainly wouldn’t consider divorcing you the way some dramatics on here have hinted at.
8am would be a lay in for me, both me and my partner are up around 5am during the week and I get up at 5.30 for work on the weekend. 9am is absolutely fair game for starting some chores.
Underlying tone of the post is one of slight resentment though op? Do you feel like he doesn’t do 50/50 with you?

He's 50 with young kids?

Let the poor man have a lay in

If the youngest plays U11's football then he's not tiny - there's absolutely no need for OP to get up at the "crack of dawn" with him everyday.

The pass agg reference to the "there there" is also based on this sexist idea that men aren't allowed feelings of their own. Certainly no vulnerabilities, lest they be called a man child. How dare he confide in his own mum? The stereotype of boy mums having a son until he gets a wife is based on this idea.

So many of these marriages end because the man is either still living like nothing has changed since kids come along (assholery at its finest) or does his best and realises he's married a fucking shrew. Or both.

Yeah, this. Communicate with words, not with petty revenge. It's pointless.

If the dishes were his job last night, just leave them until he's up. Nobody's going to die because there's dishes in the kitchen.

It does sound like you're annoyed that he doesn't do his bit in the week, so when tensions have lowered, sit down with him and chat about how you can split things up more fairly.

No I’m with you OP. Often up at 6am with the children. By 9am I’m fucked off either husbands ridiculous lie in. He always complains he never has enough time to go to the gym.

Honestly, this thing about needing a lie in on a weekend as a working adult baffles me. Especially if you have a normal job. Getting up at 9 am would be a massive lie in for me.

@AgnesX

um sleep?

You lost me at the first line of your post about DH Working- 'In not an especially tasking job'. You sound resentful. Stop being a martyr.

The world would be incredibly dull if we were all exactly the same.

it's infuriating when a lark person (deliberately or carelessly) disturbs an owl person's sleep because they think it's "better" to be up at the crack of dawn but doesn't extend the courtesy the other way

Absolutely this. As a 'night owl' just reading your OP irritated me. The way you described getting up as springing out of bed makes me think you made a big deal about it. Sounds like you were making a fair bit of noise, podcast on, crashing dishes. Then, when your DH asks you to quieten down you're back in the room sorting laundry ten minutes later and had woken the kids up. Why did you do that? Sounds like you deliberately wanted to piss him off. It all sounds just incredibly annoying.
I really need a lie in on Sundays to recharge for the week, I'd have been so annoyed, as would teen dd, to have been woken early then continually disturbed on a Sunday. Even my dog slept in till 10 today!

They might want one though. It's the weekend.

Some people need more sleep than others. He really isn’t asking for much and you are being selfish

Well yeah, but how much sleep do you need if you're not ill.

But OP doesn't have small children. Her oldest is 11 and the youngest plays U11's football so we're not talking about toddlers.

They're both old enough to get up, make their breakfast and watch some TV or play without parental supervision. If OP is choosing to get up a the crack of dawn with them then that's on her.

Some people just enjoy sleep. You're not superior because you don't.

Lie in, what’s that!? We could have a lie-in on a Saturday but we are usually out before 8, sometimes 7 with the kids to do a parkrun somewhere. Sunday other half works, so we are both up early. I’m like you, would much rather be up making the most of the day than slobbing in bed.

I need a lie in at the weekend. We used to take it in turns, one morning each. Is that not possible?

It’s actually not good for your health to deviate too much from your normal sleep pattern on weekends. It’s much better for your body to have a rough wake up time eg 7:30am every day regardless of day of the week. Sleeping in for hours past your usual wake up confuses the body and puts it out of sync with your normal weekday wake time.

I learned some time ago that "lie-ins" are actually not that great once you have a family. They just breed resentment and silly arguments. I think in general things work best in our family when everyone is doing a similar thing at a similar time i.e. eating together, washing together, relaxing together...the rhythm of the day flows better.

We ensure neither of us is so overtired that they "need" a lie in by going to bed at 9pm each night. I make the early morning itself enjoyable for everyone - nice coffee, good things in the house for breakfast, favourite toys set up the night before so DD can just crack on and amuse herself as soon as she's up, bit of background music on, a load of washing in and dishwasher on first job so we all feel on top of things...and we all just start the day together, even if its early. It means we often get up and out of the house early on a weekend which is good because less traffic / queues / crowds and we have some good adventures. I like all being together at the weekends. If one person is sleeping and everyone else is awake it just makes the day disjointed I feel and no one is on the same page, and its hard to make the most of the day.