DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

So what exactly does he contribute to the domestic side of the family?

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

Yes! As does a 50 year old woman (me!)

My partner and I don't have children at home anymore but we are rarely up before 11 at the weekend unless we've got somewhere to go. We get up together and this morning he cleaned the kitchen including washing up, sweeping and mopping the floors, cleaning surfaces and the hob. He's now outside washing his car. He's 61.

I've done the living room and bathroom, my laundry (he did his yesterday) and had a shower.

We're both up at 6.30 during the week so, yep, we're having that weekend lie in!

Where does it say he was telling tales?

Maybe he needs more sleep than you. Maybe he has worries that keep him awake at night and he then needs to sleep longer in the mornings. Maybe he's just not got an "early bird" metabolism. As long as you can have a lie-in too if you want one, what’s the problem? Why does it worry you to have to be a bit considerate? (And is there a reason for you not to learn to drive?)

Does a 50 year old man deserve a "lie in" every Saturday?
We all deserve the best, but we get what we choose and it depends on our personal preferences and boundaries.
You don't seem to like your husband a lot.

No, he just works full-time, does all the driving and runs the kids to all their activities because OP doesn't drive. Hardly like he's sat around scratching his arse.

@Nanny0gg OP says he does the washing up, helps with the homework, and obviously all the driving. I can’t recall if OP works or if she’s a SAHM, but her DH works full time.

The usual pile-on I see. Virtually nobody reading it properly, projecting and making stuff up. Christ, this place never bloody changes.

OP, I suspect he wasn't sleeping peacefully anyway, as you said he was awake already when you got up, and he was in a grump because he was tired and either couldn't force himself back to sleep or didn't sleep well during the night. When that happens the slightest sound can be annoying as hell. Maybe, have a chat and ask him how he is sleeping at night. My advice would be to show a bit of concern, it might soothe things a bit and show you care. Maybe have a talk about your feelings of being overwhelmed too but at a different time so it doesn't feel like a suffering contest.

Exactly! You're not a better person because you "sprang out of bed" at 8.15 and got stuck into housework.

I say that as someone who is often up early at weekends through choice.

Which doesn't affect my point that he did not in fact do the dishes. As the poster's argument is that he's doing plenty and the dishes comprise part of that, the fact that he didn't do them is relevant. Alternatively, him not doing them doesn't matter but then we don't say that they form part of him doing his fair share. One or the other.

He works full-time, does homework and dishes as well as all the driving and kids activities as OP doesn't have a license. It's not like he's doing nothing.

OP works part-time so of course she does more of the domestic stuff.

What time you do you get up when he takes the kid to football on a Saturday?

Funny how you immediately went to arse scratching, rather than the exceptionally uneven distribution of lie ins that was the point of the post. Almost like you were trying to deflect.

It is a good job for everyone who's saying how much they need a lie in that they don't live with someone who takes 100% of those available.

It's not relevant at all, as he may have planned to do them when he woke up.

His job is "dishes", not "dishes when OP dictates he does dishes". As long as they get done, it makes no difference whether it happens at 7pm, 7am or 2am.

YABU I get one lie in per week, I spend all week looking forward to it.

If OP has an issue with the lie-ins, then she needs to have a grown-up conversation about it, not crash about passive-aggressively on a Sunday morning to try and make a point.

If he normally does the dishes and didn't last night I might think he's more tired than normal and so more deserves his one lie in of the week

You can't argue that it makes no difference if they get done at 2am whilst also being critical of OP doing them when someone was trying to sleep. Again, it's one or the other.

Plus, unless there’s a medical reason why you can’t learn to drive (?) I wonder if there’s some resentment that he’s the only driver and has to do all the football stuff. I am the only driver and dh has been saying he will learn for the last 15 years and I cannot tell you how fed up I am with all the driving always falling to me.

That was my first thought! Unless there's a medical reason, being the only driver is seriously annoying.

I totally get needing a lie-in and if that was ruined by someone not being bothered to keep the noise down at 8am on a Sunday, I'd be pissed off as well. Do you want a lie in, @Summatoruvva and are annoyed you don't get one or do you not want one because you are an early riser anyway? If you want one-speak to your DH about when this could be negotiated-Saturdays? Him getting up with the kids on a weekday for work? If neither of those is possible, then the Sundays need to be alternate lie-in.

Yeah, that's pretty mean to be honest. My oh was up at 6 am when I got up for a wee. I got up at 9 and hadn't heard a peep from him and he had cleaned the kitchen and put a wash on.

Of course I can. You can do the dishes quietly without blasting a podcast and waking everyone up.

Or she could just have left them for her DH to do seeing as they're his job. There's no benefit in taking over someone else's job and then complaining about it.

And if you want to make that argument, you need to not shoehorn it into a discussion talking to a different poster entirely about how she's lucky she doesn't live with someone who feels the need for 100% of the available lie ins. Because they are two different discussions.

YABU. We both work Monday to Friday and have a 3 year old and 1 year old. We take turns every weekend having a lie in. We need it to recharge for the week ahead.

It's a Sunday morning. If this is the one day he can have a lie-in, why deprive him of that! 8:15 am making noise, no no no - I would be livid with DH!

This is why marriages fail. He's entitled to a bit of alone sleepy time. 8:15 on a bloody weekend? I'd have divorced you for passive aggressively doing housework at that time.

He works. You work. One of his weekend mornings is taken up with (probably very tedious) kid stuff and he just wants the other one to decompress a bit before being given a list of jobs.