DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

@Jean24601Valjean isn’t the youngest 9? Surely a 9 year old can get up on their own, unless they have SEN?

Edit - actually I don’t know where I got that from. Eldest is 11 so I guess youngest could be a toddler maybe. In which case they’d need supervising.

He works full time, does dishes, parents his kids in the evenings, is solely responsible for all the driving. Am I missing something? Seems like he does plenty.

I'm childfree and sleep in till 9am at the very earliest.

I'm an early riser and your 8.15 "springing" out of bed sounds like a lie in to me. I'm usually out for my weekend run well before that (and creeping around quietly because the rest of the family are not early risers).
Why am I being a dick pointing this out? Because we all have different needs and wants. You seem so convinced that your 8.15 is a reasonable get-up time for a weekend, but my 6.30am or your husband's 9am are just as valid. So I'm team husband here.
Get up and do the housework if you like but don't make a load of noise in doing it, in some sort of dramatic "holier than thou" morning routine. Leave him be.

And the not driving (unless there's a medical reason for it) probably irritates him more than you think. It's highly frustrating to be the permanent chauffeur.

I think being quiet before 9am on a Sunday is reasonable tbh, especially seeing as he gets up Saturday.

Our DC are older but w ehave a dog that wakes up at 7 most days. Saturdays DH gets a lie in and I get one on a Sunday. I try and be as quite as I can on Saturdays until around 10 or he gets up, whichever is sooner.

A 50 year old man telling tales to his mummy about his mean wife spoiling his lie-in is unreasonable.

A very busy family you sat? Try reading the room and aim for a happy family instead. Just chill. Who would slammer with dishes and have the sound turned up at 8 in the morning. I do get up very early myself, but you sound rude as hell to your family.

It says that OP woke the 11 year old up too.

And IMO it doesn't matter if he was awake. He was in bed enjoying some peace and quiet - nobody needs to be up and crashing around at 8.15 on a Sunday morning.

Well, the fact that the dishes wouldn't have been sitting waiting when OP got up if he'd actually done them merits a mention, yes! As does the fact that she never gets a lie in.

So this is more about you doing more than your fair share of the housework? Possibly unfair to make enough noise that he feels he can’t slouch in bed, we both stay as quiet as possible when the other is still in bed. Time for a chat re sharing chores?

@thepariscrimefiles he’s presumably just gone to visit his Mum, because that’s what people do. No reason to suspect he’s gone there specifically to cry about his early morning.

If you never get a lie-in, he is being unreasonable. If he was already awake and doesn't ever fall back to sleep, I'm not sure why he was so angry. He could still lie there and relax.

As is the OP 😊

It sounds like you were doing "performance housework" because you resent him not doing enough. That's what you need to tackle.

Also, unless you have a medical reason, learn to drive. That's clearly his resentment. Anyone who (or whose kids) need to get places by car really ought to learn to drive if at all possible.

I agree the lie in isn't really the point, but I will say that it's infuriating when a lark person (deliberately or carelessly) disturbs an owl person's sleep because they think it's "better" to be up at the crack of dawn but doesn't extend the courtesy the other way. My dad was like this. Would be up at 6, mowing the lawn by 7, clattering about, blasting the radio. But would go apeshit if anyone made any noise at all after 10pm when he was trying to sleep.

My husband works long hours so I want him to have a lie in and will leave him to it. I also have teens doing GCSEs and A Levels so again I’m conscious about noise if I get up early, so they can all have a bit of a lie in and rest before the grind starts again.

What do you mean?

I am with your husband on this . I definitely need a lie in . I work part time and don’t get up until at least 10am unless I have to. Husband retired and he gets up 930 at the earliest. Children adults and dog gets up last .

If you're resentful that he doesn't do enough around the house, then discuss that, not be passive aggressive with springing out of bed to loudly wash dishes while having a podcast on loud enough to be heard in the bedroom.

You could have left the dishes for him to do when he got up. You could have listened to your podcast with headphones or earbuds.

You may do more of the housework but he does all the driving for the household as you say you don't drive. Unless there's a medical reason you can't get a license, learn to drive

Probably because it's hard to relax and doze in bed when someone is crashing about downstairs doing housework.

If I was enjoying a lazy Sunday in bed and DH decided that 8.15 was the perfect time to listen to a podcast and bang about doing dishes, I'd be pretty pissed off too.

If that’s his one lie in a week yes YABU. Leave him in peace a bit longer unless it’s absolutely essential to do the stuff then. If you’re overwhelmed why don’t you do something for yourself or just relax for a bit.

If you feel that there’s an imbalance generally then that’s a different point.

It was 9am! If he wanted to stay in bed then he has to put up with life noise

If you have no obligations to do anything on the day, and don’t have really young children, absolutely I’d be spending as long as possible in bed. So you are being unreasonable. It’s one day a week!!

You'd be buggered in OPs house then, since there's only one lie in a week available and her DH doesn't ever do the crack of dawn get ups.

Lie-ins are sacred. You should get one each. If the issue is that he gets a lie-in and you don't then fix that. If you don't like going back to bed then don't but do some yoga or read a book with a coffee but the deal should be that on a weekend everyone gets undisturbed time until, say, 10am, and the "up" parent wrangles both kids.

She could have just left the dishes for him to sort when he woke up.

It's really not a big deal to leave dishes in the sink overnight occasionally, the world won't combust.