DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

I agree with this as does DH luckily. The latest I sleep (occasionally) on a weekend is 7.30am. I just can't sleep past that if I try.

I got to bed around 10/11 which feels fine to me. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything in the evenings, nothing that exciting going on here! I'm not religious about it, if we have an even or something I'm happy to stay up late but I don't have an exciting social life so its not often.

The fact that when he did get up he started tidying up 'inefficiently' I think explains a fair bit about why the OP was doing housework at 8.15am on a Sunday morning 🙃

Right so if you get up at 8.15 am you've wasted the day? 🤣🤣 batshit

It's actually been found that early risers waste more hours than late risers who tend to organise their time more efficiently. I found that interesting as it's always early risers that imply night owls are lazy wastes of space and are soooo smug about springing out of bed at the crack of dawn and being back in bed before most people have dinner.

We all have the same 24 hours minus some sleep. Who cares if some people are early risers and some people are night owls. One is not better than the other. I'm just glad my whole family, dog included, have the same internal clock.

I have a strict rule never to disturb anyone or anything whilst they're sleeping. It's inconsiderate and disrespectful. What point are you trying to make exactly? Passive aggressive communication is a road to nowhere.

I also feel overwhelmed with housework and would get incredibly frustrated when doing it. I now pay for some help each week - just a couple of hours but it has made the whole household far
more harmonious and costs about the same as a trip to Starbucks 👍

Goodness me there are some nasty posts in here and so much projection; I don’t blame OP for not coming back.

You have no idea if she was “clattering” or not and no idea if she was passive-aggressive or not. That’s all stuff you’ve added yourselves.

Plus; do you all live in those tiny houses or something? It seemed clear to me that OP was downstairs and her husband was upstairs. We live in a pretty small house but nothing anyone does downstairs disturbs me when I’m having a long lie. And OP said her husband was awake anyway. I don’t see how she in any way prevented him from having a lie in. Plus, the housework she was doing presumably also benefitted him?

And “long lies are sacred” - get a grip! I enjoy a lie in as much and the next person but they’re not some sort of sacred ritual that has to be respected. They are something that is nice to have when possible; that is all.

For some reason I think some posters took offence at the OP’s phrase “sprung out of bed.” I think if she had just said “got up” she might have got different replies but people took that choice of words weirdly personally for some reason.

Where you really trying to be quiet ?

I don't think she actually gets peace and quiet on a morning because she said her youngest gets up at the crack of dawn.

If she has to get up and do childcare every morning then I'm not team DH, he doesn't get a lie in while she does every early wake up.

Baffled that 8:15 is considered early, but i know i'm the minority there! (luckily my DP also doesn't like lay ins)

Agree with this, and I said earlier that it's good for people to facilitate lie-ins for each other - however he also has to facilitate that lie-in. Wife knows dishes are left and gets up to do them. Husband knows dishes are left and thinks na fuck it, wife can get them while she's also up with the kid while I snooze.

I suspect the issue is more than you cooked the dinner, that created the dishes, and yes "the housework can wait" except you'll have to do all the bloody housework, so you want to get it out the way and enjoy your weekend. I don't think you're unreasonable because it sounds like he does sod all. Next time I'd discuss with him and say "if you do the dishes, I'll leave them and sit quietly with a cup of tea till 10, if you're expecting me to wash up the dinner I made you, I'll do it first thing to get it out the way - your choice"
If he wants a lie in, then he can do the chores that make the noise - I imagine even if he does, for example, do one set of dishes or 1 load of washing, you'll be doing all the rest of the cleaning, cooking, washing etc. So it's not as if you're asking a lot.

If she has to get up and do childcare every morning then I'm not team DH, he doesn't get a lie in while she does every early wake up.

OP's youngest plays U11's football - we're not talking about a toddler who needs constant supervision.

As I am up at 6.30am all week I would say 8.15am is a lie in but that doesn’t apply to all. As long as you are both getting something you value then I would let it go but if he gets his lie in and you are not getting something you feel is equal but you like as a guilty pleasure then I would have an issue.

Ok so I voted you are being unreasonable, then saw your update that your up at the crack of dawn with another child? Now if I had to be up every weekend with a small child and the husband lay in every wkd, now that wouldn’t be fair. If you take it in turns fine but it shouldn’t all land on you. I’ve been there and that person is now my ex for that reason.

Team husband. You are being mean.

I did not realise that lie ins were age prescribed. honestly hun chill! there is more to life than washing up at 8:15, isnt that the cheeky snuggle time? If left to it I would never get out of bed on weekends. in fact I need a sleep holiday. unless you are rushing somewhere just chill for a couple of hours in the morning.

Absolutely agree about being a team.

You tag-team if needed as no point both being tired.

I know the kind where if they're up, then everyone else has to too. Lights on, banging about and pretty much trying to get you up. It's totally selfish.

My Dsis & DMIL are like this when visiting. Knocking about at 6am when there's nowhere to be.

Edited to add:
My DBIL once went out the window one morning when visiting as he couldn't open the door, but didn't want to wake us up. Class act!

I’m with hubby here. It’s one lie in a week, if my OH was up clanging about at 8.15 I’d be f*cked off too!

exactly this! The way Op talks about it, it’s as if she’s getting up for work or something! Relax hun, the washing up can wait!

@Comewhatmay25

make it more often! 😀 Plan some nights out with your friends, there are some lovely pubs and bars out there!

He sounds lazy and selfish and you sound rightful resentment that he is a BMD ( bare minimum dad).

Why isn't he sharing the load?
Stop doing anything that benefits him solely.
No laundry and no cooking.
Start verbalising how exhausted YOU.

He sounds bone lazy. Loads of people are doing clubs with kids at 50, due to having children later.

I see nothing but conflict arise out of pre-set lie in agreements. Life happens and sometimes lie ins can't. You can't be tit for tat about them as it just breeds resentment.

He lies in on Saturdays and you get one on Sunday, simple.

Start writing down a list of who did what job each day and they show it to him at the end of the week. If your column is huge compared to his tell him it’s time for him to step up and start doing more.

@Qwee

he doesn’t need to get up at 8am on a Sunday though does he, so he isn’t. What’s wrong with that?