DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

I'd be fuming too if I was your DH. Weekends are for lie-ins.

YABU.
You sound selfish. Nothing is stopping you from 'springing' out of bed because the 'sun was shining,' (I don't really see what the correlation between the weather and dishes not being done is but okay....) but just because you want to get up doesn't mean he had to!

You could have done everything you did much quieter without any impact on you while letting him stay asleep.

Why did you have to 'spring!' out of bed? Just get up and go downstairs without all the excessive energy. You can listen to a podcast quietly or even with headphones on with no impact on you, whereas for someone on a different floor to have been disturbed by it it must have been on loud.

He's right, if the dishes had been left for 12 hours, leaving them another 1 hour could wait.

Some people don't like getting up early. There's nothing inherently morally superior about being an early bird vs a night owl. How would you like it if you were tired at 10/11pm, wanted to go to bed, and he was playing music downstairs and then came in and switched all the lights on to get changed because a '[your age] woman doesn't 'deserve' an early night's sleep, 7 hours is fine for an adult, so if you're getting up at 8am, you don't "need" to sleep before 1am?"

What's with all the 'deserve' anyway? He's your partner, one of the people you are supposed to love most in the entire world, why does he have to earn a very minor favour that costs you nothing to give? Most people like doing nice things for their loved ones without them having to earn them!

'Springing' out if bed at 8:15 on a Sunday morning is too much for the person sharing a space with you. Putting on a loud podcast at this time if the morning would be really irritating for me. Sunday is a day of rest.

I also love a lie in and would be annoyed if DH (he is incapable of having a lie in past 8:30) woke me up

Sounds like he doesn’t help the rest of the week.

it is well known in my house that I don’t do anything on Sundays. Don’t ask me. I have worked 3 jobs this week, some 12 hour days with mixture of wfh and then out of house for others.

in the meantime I’ve been on call for everything that mum’s normally do.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

This is a very weird mentality. Does sowmthing as basic as sleep need to be deserved. Who decides if you deserve to sleep past eight or need to be punished and woken up?

If your problem is that he doesn't wake up with the your youngest child then walk about it and work out a schedule. If he doesn't do enough chores the change the rota. If his job is to dot he dishes, does it really matter of he does them 8am or 10am?

We both work full time, 3 kids, one dog, no cleaner, dh use his ear plugs if he wants to lie in weekend mornings. I won't wait for him to start my weenkend chores, it's fine by me if he wants to snooze in the day, we both deserve a lie in at the weekends. Sounds like your dh is doing more than my dh!

Agree with pretty much everyone else. There is nothing wrong with someone wanting a lie in every weekend , I lobe to have one each weekend if plans allow for it.
Your husband sounds like he works full time. Does all the driving , does the dishes etc so he doesn't sound like he does nothing . What age is your youngest that you feel you have to get up with them every morning ? Or do you just like the Martyrdom of it all.

Where did I say dictate. Another one whose interpretation is way off.

Where did I say dictate. Another one whose interpretation is way off.

Perhaps it's the tone of your writing? Perhaps consider why it's being interpreted in a particular way?

First of all, buy a dishwasher. Your kitchen will be tidy & no need to leave dishes to the morning.
Secondly, he’s 50, well into middle age. Why shouldn’t he have a Sunday lie in?
At some stage you’ll probably begin to feel tired with all the usual household drudgery especially with DC.
Work as a team, not so controlling!!

It matters if he expects her to not carry out normal life while he is having his lie in. Which is what seems to have caused the issue - from what the op says she wasn't telling him he needs to get up, she was just not being totally silent and still so he had a go at her!

You could look at it another way. Why doesn't she deserve to get up at the time she wants and do the things she wants to? Why is he more deserving than her. I naturally wake early these days, not because I want to believe me, and I can't bear the thought of having to just lie there or sit around past 8 - it makes my sleeping issues very depressing if I'm just waiting for everyone else. It's my least favourite bit of staying in a hotel, not having another room to go to if I'm awake and don't want to disturb DH. I'd hate to have to worry about not disturbing him in my own home from another room (floor!) too. (Within reason I mean, obviously I wouldn't blare out load music or shout, but how loud can washing up, walking up stairs or listening to a podcast really be?)

Why doesn't she deserve to get up at the time she wants and do the things she wants to

She can, as long as she doesn't disturb other people who want to have a lazier start to the day. I was up two hours before DH today and managed to get plenty of stuff done without being noisy and disturbing him.

As many a single parent will know - you don't need 2 parents on hand at all times

The general rule of thumb is each parent should have an equal amount of time to themselves

I think the whole concept of deserving something Iike this in a relationship is weird af. Wethe rit is deserving to make noise at 8am or sleep at 8am. This is where a communication comes in. What is the agreed time to do noisy activities in the morning and in the evening if other one is in bed.

But that might be due to the layout of your house or your DH being less sensitive. I'm often awake before my DH and I would do the things op describes - washing up, listening to something, getting washing from a basket, and DH has never complained or as far as I can tell been disturbed. He's often still snoring when I do it. But Ops DH apparently was disturbed. it sounds to me like Ops DH was expecting silence, which just isn't reasonable in normal day time hours in my view.

We all love a lie-in in our house. Anyone who gets up early is considerate about it.

In this situation I would just make sure dishes are done before bed on a Saturday.

But if I couldn't do dishes or housework without disturbing DH, then I wouldn't just go ahead regardless, I'd do something quieter until he woke up.

I don't think he expected silence, just not to be disturbed at 8 on a Sunday morning with unnecessary faffing about, which isn't unreasonable. Nobody needs to be doing dishes and laundry at that time of day!

Your home must be more noise proof. Or perhaps your husband is a heavier sleeper and it doesn't faze him.

Ops husband could hear her washing up (I'm guessing plates clanging) and the podcast (which must have been really loud). That's really unpleasant at 8:15 on a Sunday morning. The behaviour is inconsiderate.

If I wake up early, I will tiptoe downstairs and relax with a cup of coffee. I'd hate to think I'm waking others.

@MrsWallers

why is it grim?

Is 50/50. Yes DH is entitled to a lie in once a week and you weren't deliberately trying to wake him. Presumably he let's you lie in (or at least peace and quiet) on a Saturday when he takes the kids to football?

I get approx 4 lie ins a month and I really value them. I’d be fucked off beyond belief if dh was crashing around doing noisy housework because I’m in my 50s so don’t deserve sleep. My mother used to do it when I was a teen - vacuuming outside my door at 9am shrilling “I can’t be lying in bed all day” when I didn’t get home from work until 5am (when she was lying in bed). It’s bloody lovely not having to wake up to an alarm and 4 days a month is hardly unreasonable. If you are pulling too much weight or he disturbs your sleep then that’s a different conversation but to wake someone up because they are too old to need sleep is ridiculous.
DH gets a “lie in” every day as he works lates. I get up at 6. I don’t crash about the place at 6am and he doesn’t crash about the place at 1am. We like each other though, which may make the difference.

It's just manners to respect people when they are asleep.

Team Dh. I would be furious too to be woken up so early and to a podcast on loud. It's Sunday, rest day. And you woke your child up too. You have older kids too so need to be waking at the crack of dawn with toddlers.

It stinks. Not great to wake up to a dirty house.