DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

I think the early rising thing is because some people think it's more productive to be up and out of bed early.

But weirdly they see no issue with going to bed at 8pm and missing out on half an evening's worth of time

@cinnamongirl123

so living in a “family home” means you can never have a lie or anything else that you enjoy! Fuck that, no wonder more and more are choosing to be child free these days.

And… doesn’t the OP also deserves a lie in.one that doesn’t happen because SHE is the one who gets up with the youngest??

I mean by any means, have a lie. Grumble if you dint have one and got ‘woken up’ even though you were awake in the first place.
But don’t do it if you can’t be bothered to give the same back to your partner.

I genuinely can’t stand the feeling of earplugs, I certainly can’t sleep with them in and I also need to be able to hear properly overnight as I have small children and thick
walls. Plus completely unnecessary in this particular instance where it seems more than possible for people just to keep the noise down.

Nor mine.

I'm up first 6 days of the week too and my Sundays typically start late, especially as I tend to take advantage of a Sunday morning lie in by staying up late on Saturday night.

It's one of life's little luxuries and there is nothing wrong with it at all.

The youngest plays U11's football so we're not talking about a toddler who needs adult supervision - if OP is getting up at silly o'clock then it's through choice, not necessity.

Not always possible to have such a schedule. I work late shifts three days a week and you'd better believe I sleep in on days when I worked a late the night before.

But I suffered from an XH who liked nothing more than leaping out of bed at 6am demanding that the whole family got up for 'family time'. Quite often I had been up until 3am with sleepless babies or toddlers (he never woke up to them during the night). He didn't do house work either. Now I happily stay in bed until 10.30 if I can!

Me and my husband each take a lie in at the weekend, it's the one thing I look forward to most at a weekend!

I don't think it's unreasonable for your husband to have one lie in at a weekend. I'd be absolutely raging if mine was disturbed however there does seem to be bigger issues at play such as division of housework that perhaps need working on.

Btw @Summatoruvva , I suspect one reason why the vote is nearly 50/50 is because people have reacted reading your OP but not your next post.
The context of you always getting up with the youngest best, you being resentful at him not pulling his weight gives a very different take to your OP.

Yep you are unreasonable, I lie in 1 day and DH the other.

Sleep is heavily linked to health both physical and mental... why on earth would you deny someone that.

But the youngest isn't a baby. They play U11's football, so are more than old enough to get up without an adult supervising them.

Oh completely sympathise with you. Definitely a different scenario and you needed to catch up on sleep!

It also seems quite possible for people to actually parent and be a proper partner.
By for example, giving the OP a lie in from time to time instead of always moaning they have to take the dc to football (I’m sure the child is delighted to know he is an inconvenience) or that ‘they can’t have a lie in’ they never give to the OP.

This as well. I'd go as far to argue it's beneficial for mental health to have a lie in at a weekend!

Having a lie in at a weekend isn't going to have some massive catastrophic impact on your health!

Yes, no need to get up to supervise a ten year old!

Yep. If OP is getting up at the crack of dawn with a 10 year old then, well, more fool them to be quite honest.

Thankfully my dog loves a lie in. If one of us gets up earlier to take him for a walk and he knows the other is still having a lie in, he'll race upstairs as soon as we're back, jump back in bed and soon be snoring away again 🤣

And who do you think will do the housework the OP no doubt does whilst he is taking the child to football?
When do you think it’s happening if she doesn’t do it then?

The issue here is a global ‘I want to do as little as possible in the house and with the dcs’. It’s not about not getting a lie in he wasn’t going to have anyway because 1- he was awake when the OP got up and 2- he never goes back to sleep once awake.

Thats miles away from someone who needs sleep after a night shift etc….

I very much doubt there is a whole load of housework that absolutely has to be done on a Saturday morning. OP could quite easily enjoy a lie-in while he takes the youngest, then they could crack on with chores when they're back.

If my partner sprung out of bed at 8.15am at the weekend and started bustling about doing housework and listening to the radio, I’d want to kill him. Fine if he wants to get up but jeez, I’d want him to keep it down.

I think YABU. I incline towards early rising, but I wouldn't start fannying about with housework at 8:15 on a Sunday when everyone else was still abed.

You are being unreasonable. Just because you like getting up early doesn’t mean everyone else has to. My kids are finally an ages where they both sleep later on the weekend, my OH likes to get up early anyway and I like to stay in bed. Absolutely no clanking allowed until I text him to bring up my cup of tea 😆

FGS! I was just saying that earplugs aren’t the silver bullet here, many people simply can’t wear them for very legitimate reasons.

Plus we think that the youngest child is a decent age here and not a baby/ toddler. If the OP wants a lie in this seems perfectly reasonable and possible but she needs to use her words and not just spoil everyone else’s lie ins. Plus in this case her DH works full time, did football the morning before and permanently does all the driving for the whole family he doesn’t exactly sound like a Mumsnet cocklodger extraordinaire.

What? He had a lie in as it was 9am!!!!!
He should have washed uo the night before
Leaving dishes overnight is grim

It wasn't, OP "sprang out of bed" at 8.15 and started on the housework.

And it's not "grim" to leave dishes overnight - what do you think will happen, exactly?