DH precious about “his weekend lie in”

[Summatoruvva]

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

Dishes were left last night and as sun is out I sprang out of bed at 8.15 to get started. Ten mins later he appears in boxers saying can you be quiet. Turn down podcast and wash up more quietly. He went back to bed. I went up to get uniforms from basket and he leapt out of bed huffing that he’s hardly slept and the housework could wait and I have woken the oldest (11). It was 9 am.

I reminded him we’re a busy family and not hungover students and he’s stomped about tidying ineffectually before going to his mums to be told there there.

Does a 50 year old man deserve a lie in every weekend?

This is the crux of it for me. 8.15 on a Sunday isn't an outlandish time to be asleep or in bed, especially when there are no small children involved.

That's not to say people can't get up earlier and get on with things if they want, but it's basic decency to keep the noise to a minimum until everyone is up and about (as long as nobody is taking the piss, obviously).

If your dishes "stink" after 12 hours in a sink, then there's something wrong.

I get that, my littlest wakes me up every day too, so a lie in past 6:30 is a luxury I do not get (although not because DH doesn’t try, to be fair).

But I still wouldn’t wake him because I’d woken up energetic and I don’t get lie ins… That seems unnecessarily loud, and you woke your other child, too.

We always clean our kitchen after eating. You can do whatever you want, nobody cares.

But it was a question, and if you honestly believe dirty dishes after cooking don’t stink, then you must have long covid or something.

My husband is still in bed when we leave the house in the mornings. I do everything for myself and the kids.

He however has to do his share of the leg work but he does it when it suits him.

You need to have a discussion of him pulling his weight, but this can easily be done without him having to give up his lie in or you feeling unsupported.

I see my lie in as a break from the routine of work. I love it. My husband is an early bird and enjoys the morning, He does his thing I do mine.

He WFH Monday-Friday in not an especially tasking job. I do most household/parenting stuff as I work school hours. He does washing up in evening and helps with homework etc.

He takes youngest to an hours football training on Monday night and the under 11s game on Saturday. He has to do this because he drives and I don’t. He will often grumble about getting up Saturday but will do it.

So you don't think his job is worthwhile. You don't acknowledge the impact on him of only him driving and you resent him not getting up like a lark on a Sunday morning?

If you don't think he's good enough for you, you can leave, but he doesn't sound unreasonable to me.

After three days, sure, but not 12 hours

Early riser here in a household of early risers. A lie in until 7.30/8 the latest! Anything more and you've wasted the day. I couldn't imagine having a partner whole sleeps in until 11/12 every weekend! Team wife!

What time do you go to bed?

But what time do you go to bed? Isn't that just as much wasting the day if you miss half the evening.

We've had some lovely family movie nights where we've watched a set of films through till about 2am. Or when the shooting stars are at their highest and we've all lain on the trampoline watching them until after midnight.
Or the time it started snowing at 10pm and was due to rain in the morning so we went out sledging by torchlight.
Tonight we're planning on eating late because dh and dd are out until the evening so we can eat together
I could continue.

Ds is the only early bird in the house, and there have been times he's missed out because he needs to get to bed because he's been up since the crack of dawn. And I'm talking about out with friends, not family things.

It's not wasting the day; it's doing it differently.

No response yet to why you don't drive, OP. If it isn't medical, then it would be more helpful for the whole family if you schedule an early driving lesson for Sunday mornings instead.

I do think you need to relax a bit. If the house was quiet and all the other members were asleep, why wouldn't you grab a coffee and take an hour's peace on the sofa for yourself?

What do you actually do for yourself? It doesn't sound like you have much time for hobbies or spending any time doing what you want to do.

After way less than 12 hrs. Especially during summer. Pots and pans, of course it smells after a short while. Even of cooking smells, and it’s not nice. But like I said, I don’t want to live like that but I couldn’t care less what other people do. I like a clean house with empty bins etc before going to bed.

You need to address the resentment op. He needs to be much more housework in general.

My sentiments exactly!

Well I may be biased as an ND parent myself, but my first thought there was some kind of SN. At minimum, we really need clarification before talking about serious words and failing marriages.

I start work at 7:30 M-F and I need my weekend sleep.

Id find DH horribly selfish if he disturbed that. YAB(massively)U. Fine if you want to get up. Not fine to disturb people who want to sleep!

Don’t you relish the time when you’re the only one awake? Before someone comes into your space needing something or merely disturbing your space @Summatoruvva ?

when we first moved into this house, our bedroom is off the dining area next to kitchen, my other half told me I woke him up unloading the dishwasher

I didn’t realise the sound would disturb him. I make much less noise so I can decide when I want to take him in a cuppa

i LOVES my peace and quiet of a morning!

I am neurodivergent myself, with AuDHD. I could never ever sleep as a kid and was trained to read books in my room from the age of four. I knew from an early age how selfish it was to disturb others.

It does of course depend on the level that the child is neurodivergent. It was, for me, despite being much more severely affected than I appear to be today (thank you, intelligent brain and numerous tested coping mechanisms), an incredibly valuable experience to be taught that the world did not revolve around the fact that I couldn't sleep.

Sure, but presumably you know the old adage about how if you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism? Ironically my own DC is like you and would actually be fine chilling for hours in the morning with a book! ND DH, on the other hand, was a proper cat on a hot tin roof as a kid. This is why I think more information is needed.

Of course, that's entirely true, and I did intend to clarify that my own experience is unique to me. It would be good to have some clarification from the OP on whether the DCs are ND. I do suspect however, that she's simply being unreasonable.

Another who thinks YABU.

Some people are morning people, others are not. Some people need 5 hours sleep, others need 9 (and most somewhere inbetween).

You sound like a petulant teen waking everyone else in the house just because you want to be up at that time.
My dh and I have different body clocks, but we respect the fact that one of us likes to go to bed earlier and get up early and the other likes to stay up later and lie in later. Neither one is right and neither one is wrong. We get into bed or get up without waking the other and wouldn't dream of making so much noise it wakes the other during the time they can sleep.

@fivegreenmonkeys

oh, who cares! Sometimes I might leave dishes if I’m having a quick dinner and then need to go get ready to go out or something like that. It’s fine to have a little bit of flexibility when it comes to household chores

Like I said twice, I couldn’t care less what other people do. Honestly.

@Comewhatmay25

you probably miss out on half the evening though…