DF has a significant birthday much later this year, late October..DB contacted me to ask if I'd go in on a weekend stay for DF and DM somewhere as gift. I didn't reply immediately, got a sarky tumbleweed gif 16 hours later. Responded with 'sounds good'. I didn't commit, I basically had a million and one other things in my mind, not a birthday 8 months away.
He went ahead and booked it, nowt to pay until a week before, so free cancellation. But it's £440.
Now, we are higher earners than DB and his wife, but, live in a much more expensive part of the country, huge mortgage, we have two teens, they're child free. We all grew up poor, so whilst we are still budget supermarket shoppers and have one crappy car, we have one nice holiday w eye couple of years and don't have to worry about bills. We are in a much better position than many, but we are still careful, but for the grace of god and all that.
We don't spend money like that on birthdays. Nor do my parents. They gave me £50 fory 40th.
I said I'd need to speak to DH. DB immediately started messaging that it shouldn't be a problem, I had months to save and they spent £300 on one night for DM's last big birthday etc.
He was unquestionably rude.
I have a very strained but civil relationship with my parents. He is geographically and emotionally much closer. I moved out a few weeks after my 18th, moved country and never went back to live. He lived with them until he was 32. Largely rent free. I get why he wants to spoil them. Although he really doesn't have the money.
We value time and experiences together over money. He is about what looks good on Instagram primarily.
I left it as no rush, we will consider it. He has now, 2 days later, said don't worry if you're going to be petty, we will pay for the whole stay. I replied saying probably for the best. We will sort something else. Not to mention, if we visit, we have to pay for plane tickets, hire car, airport parking and dog boarding before we even get there.
He clearly thinks I'm pathetic and tight.