Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

[rubberduck68]

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

'Sit down meetings' and 'sit down chats'?
She wouldn't get a foot across my doorstep again until she learned some manners.

Your DS should be absolutely ashamed as an adult that he isn't contributing and is letting his GF disturb the much needed sleep of his DM who works and pays the bills to keep a roof over his head.

In future I would refuse to discuss anything except the weather with the GF. Tell your DS the rules and tell him to move out if he doesn't like them. It would be slightly different if he was going to be homeless, but he can move in with his DF any time he likes.

Oh and I would tell him how disappointed you are in him not to recognise that both he and his DGF should treat you with respect.

For the brass neck of calling you to meetings in your own house to sulk about being held to account for their behaviour, they’d both be out the door. Cheeky fuckers!

All you can do if they continue to ignore you and still stay over (and you definitely have a Son problem - is he scared of her/doesn't want to upset her?)
then you play them at their own game and wake them up EVERY time they've had a late night

I am assuming that, as well as not giving you any money, they don't lift a finger, cook any meals for you, clear up, walk the dog, do any housework?

Please tell me you don't do their washing...

Tell him yes, he is an adult. And if he wants to set rules as an adult, he can get his own house and make all the rules he wants. But as long as he is an adult in your house, he will respect your rules and ensure any guests he has respect them too.

I have posted the same thing on a lot of threads. I too have young adults at home.
I dont allow partners to stay over. Ever.

Apparently I am a tyrant but I don"t care.

Oh, and stop these bloody stupid meetings.
You do not have to oblige and frankly, it's ridiculous behaviour on their part.

Things I don't allow in my house
Partners
Sex
Loud music
Vaping
Drugs
Getting drunk and throwing up everywhere

Tell the cheeky sods that there are meaner mums out there.
I also don't charge rent and never will, though.

'called to a meeting by them' ?

What is this? Some sort of HR performance review ? Risible.

I wouldnt even dignify it with your presence. 'Sorry I cant attend your 'meeting', I'm washing my hair.'

This is definitely a generational thing - I've seen it my own family sadly. Being called to account for your conduct by younger members with the accusation "you don't like me" simply because you ask them to show consideration. Its as disengenous af. She is projecting because you dared to ask her to STFU at 3 in the morning (not in so many words of course).
Its your bloody house. A lack of respect for your needs is intolerable especially when it comes to sleep which is not-negotiable. You've already asked her once, if she doesnt like it, tell her to sling it.

WTF have I just read? OP - you mug.

That's ridiculous. We have similar when we stay with family over Christmas. My niece has a bar job and often clatters in at 3am, spends the next hour in the kitchen making a shit ton of noise, sometimes with a friend or two, cooking food and laughing. We hear it cos the bedroom we stay in is above the family kitchen and we hear EVERYTHING.

We don't make a fuss because WE are the guests and she lives there with her parents. If they don't make a fuss, we don't. We go home exhausted and fed up but it's their home and we have to fit round them.

Your son's girlfriend is taking the absolute piss. Sit the pair of them down, tell them this is YOUR house and that's that. No discussion. She has her own flat. No more overnight stays. At all. She's had her chance and it's her own behaviour that has caused this.

I could not tolerate this. Disrespectful, selfish, immature and downright offensive behaviour yet she's ticking YOU off????

He cooks for himself and her, and does all his own laundry, tidies and cleans his bedroom, etc. I have raised him to pull his weight, but she doesn't live here. She was here every night last year and I had to say to him that I do not want to live with him and his GF, so the three night rule kicked in, but it gets ignored sometimes, and often despite repeated requests not to, they have food delivered at 1.00 am or cook at 3.00 am, it's just really annoying. He will say "you were snoring" as if I am lying about it waking me up, which irritates me. I feel like I'm being unreasonable by their reaction, but coming on here today I now feel that maybe I am not!

Woahhhhhh

Neither of them are contributing to your household finances as your DS lost his job a few months ago? And she called a house meeting about how you're disrespecting HER?!?

Stop right now op. Your ds is taking the utter piss and his gf would be banned from my house. Neither of them have any respect for your home and are treating it like a freebie doss house.

He needs a job and to pay board. Then he can have a conversation about house guests.

This!

Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her

Wow the level of disrespect here is crazy. OP you are not remotely unreasonable to have these boundaries, and enforce them!

Seriously, whenever I read a post like this it takes me back to the days when I was in the same situation with adult children and their partners. I caved in to their demands & their rules only to find myself tippy toeing around them, being dictated to in my own home and resenting every bit of it.
Enough! I totally cracked the sh#ts and evicted them, it took some work but I got there in the end.
Today’s well meaning parents are raising a bunch of over indulged and entitled children that love to call the shots on how it’s going to be when they have reached adulthood.
Rise up dear OP! It’s your home, your life and you’ve earned every right to live peacefully on your terms. Kick them to the kerb asap, you won’t regret it and they will get a quick lesson on how to be financially responsible, independent and self sufficient. And they’ll soon learn what it’s like to be a real adult where the world doesn’t cater to their every demand.
Good luck, you can do it!!

Agree with her - you DONT like the little madam, because her behaviour is deeply dislikeable.

The only one who can change that is her.

It’s hard to feel sorry for you OP because you are allowing them to treat you in a totally unacceptable way.

If this was me the little cunt would never step foot in my house again.

I had this happen with one of my kids for a while and told them in no uncertain terms that if they couldn't keep the noise down late at night, their boyfriend wouldn't be welcome back.

If your son's girlfriend had called such a meeting with me, she would have got a double fuck off and told not to come back again, ever.

I predict there will be problems within a month when they move in with Disney Dad. His gf will be kicking off!

Well this is rich. It's your home and you get told off! She doesn't stay any longer. Even when you share a house you pay rent for you can't bang about and wake everyone up. They are trying to gang up on you the CFs. It's your house that you pay for.

It will be interesting to see how his DF deals with it ...

I don't want sympathy, just advise. This is my first time living with an adult child as my daughter went off to Uni and tends to stay at her dads as he is close to her uni. She visits me too, but it's different. I guess I don't know what the norm is, or what is reasonable and without a partner to chat it through with I feel a bit lost. I don't want to alienate my son, but I also want to be happy in my own home, if that makes sense?

The GF is nice to my daughter but yeah, I wonder how she will cope with the three of them moving in; she has no kids of her own.

@rubberduck68

why don’t they move out into a house share with other young people then they can do what they like? That’s what I did. This whole thing about adults living with their parents and expecting all the perks of that but not having to live by the rules is just ridiculous

Every day there is a thread complaining about how boomers and Gen X do not understand the problems of young people in a CoL crisis.

Yes, we do.That is why I don't charge rent and they can stay as long as they want. But I am not going to subsidise or tolerate other people's kids in my home. So many instances of young people living at home taking advantage.

I think about a year ago it all blew up because she was here every night, he wasn't paying rent and I felt like a guest in my own house, kind of like the awkward person between a couple playing house? He stormed out and moved in with her for a few weeks but came back and apologised. I charged him minimal rent, and she stayed away a while, here we are again...