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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

457 replies

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:04

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 10/03/2025 21:53

Jochef · 09/03/2025 11:27

I’d love my son to be around to wake me up in the night. He used to come and tell me about his nights out and I was happy to listen to them.

How you going to feel OP in a couple of months?

GF is probably temporary anyway, either he or she will push on from the relationship but you’ve let her cause a rift.

@Jochef

she’ll haprobably feel happy and relieved she can finally get some sleep

rubberduck68 · 11/03/2025 10:25

LuckySantangelo35 · 10/03/2025 21:53

@Jochef

she’ll haprobably feel happy and relieved she can finally get some sleep

SO happy and relieved. I am like a different person! Of course I will miss him when he moves out, but @jochef, that is not relevant to a post about boundaries, which adult kids do need too. She has certainly not managed to cause a rift because I have dealt with her.

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 11/03/2025 12:35

Jochef · 09/03/2025 11:27

I’d love my son to be around to wake me up in the night. He used to come and tell me about his nights out and I was happy to listen to them.

How you going to feel OP in a couple of months?

GF is probably temporary anyway, either he or she will push on from the relationship but you’ve let her cause a rift.

Umm really? Do normal people think that?

bigboykitty · 11/03/2025 12:49

Great update @rubberduck68 💪🏽

Kolkai · 12/03/2025 07:52

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:04

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

You are not being unreasonable at all!, she sounds very controlling with that meeting stuff and saying you don't like her, which is making an assumption or just plain old gaslighting for her own benefit.

I'm a very chilled out relaxed parent and I probably let my adult and late teen kids get away with a lot but if they step over the line or I feel they maybe disturbing the neighbours then they know about it.
They also have maximum respect for other people's homes so if I heard they had been like this girl had I would be having some stern words and making them apologise to whomever they had disturbed and been rude too.
That reminds me I need to grab my daughter and take her next door asap so she can face them and apologise for the ridiculous amount of noise she made during the night for a whole week recently. She was on her computer talking to friends the entire night, woke me up and 3.30am, which is when I cut the internet off to her devices until I had had many more hours sleep😂
It is possible to have a great relationship with your kids/adult kids and still have rules and boundaries❤️

Maddy70 · 12/03/2025 11:03

My adult son has a very antisocial job. We live in s small flat. He comes in around 4am. I rarely hear him. He's super quiet makes every effort not to disturb me. Of course I do often wake but I appreciate his consideration
They are being selfish twats

Jochef · 15/03/2025 19:37

Codlingmoths · 11/03/2025 12:35

Umm really? Do normal people think that?

what are you referring to ?

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