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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

457 replies

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:04

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

OP posts:
rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:43

She has just gone home in an Uber, stomping about downstairs, but I had to ask twice. Turns out she wasn't even working, she'd been out clubbing with her mates (my son was not with them, he had an early night)!!! He defended her saying that she'd argued over text that I wouldn't want her coming over, but I countered that she is an adult and is accountable for her own behaviour – I told her to her face this week not to do it again!!

OP posts:
pilates · 01/03/2025 10:47

Her sense of entitlement is breathtaking. I would take this opportunity to say to son no more!

FOJN · 01/03/2025 10:48

My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here!

This is a bullshit argument. If she came in quietly and didn't disturb you then you wouldn't even be talking to your son about it. Her arrival time is not the issue as far as I can tell, it's the noise she makes when she arrives that is the problem.

As for stomping around like child when she's asked to leave because she's so inconsiderate.... she wouldn't cross my threshold again without an apology.

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:48

FYI so grateful for the support on this forum, there are times when being a single parent just suck and this is feeling like one of those times...

OP posts:
NDHz · 01/03/2025 10:49

I think you’re looking at it the wrong way.

You have an adult sharing the house with you (your son) and he has a guest who is causing issues.

Handle it the same way as you would if a lodger was doing the same. The fact that he is your son is a red herring. For a start, the guest shouldn’t be having a meeting to call you to task on your behaviour.

They either let want to be treated like adults, or they don’t. At the moment they are trying to have it both ways.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/03/2025 10:49

She'd not be welcome for stay overseas anymore imo, get the keys back and tell your son this behaviour has gone too far. You shouldn't have to put up with it, he can book a hotel room or stay at her parents house if they feel the need.

JimHalpertsWife · 01/03/2025 10:49

If she's not inside your home by 11pm (or earlier if you wish) then she doesn't stay over that night.

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:50

TomatoSandwiches · 01/03/2025 10:49

She'd not be welcome for stay overseas anymore imo, get the keys back and tell your son this behaviour has gone too far. You shouldn't have to put up with it, he can book a hotel room or stay at her parents house if they feel the need.

She lives in a student house a fifteen minute walk from mine! They like it at mine, nice big kitchen to make messy at 3.00 am, and their own bathroom to leave wet towels in. Sorry, having a right old moan now....!

OP posts:
Fibrous · 01/03/2025 10:52

Cheeky sods!! I have stumbled in at 3am before waking up my boyfriend’s parents, no doubt, but I was at least out with him, and apologetic about it the next morning. And it would only have happened once or twice.

kids these days!

Shinyandnew1 · 01/03/2025 10:52

She can stay over 3 times a week (or however times YOU decide, it being your house!) only if she's already there for the evening. Otherwise, she goes home. I wouldn't want her turning up at 11pm either!

If they don't like it and want to be more 'grown up', they can do grown up things like move out and pay bills and council tax.

TheAmusedQuail · 01/03/2025 10:53

The sheer nerve of them!

  1. Person who pays the bills makes the rules.

  2. If they don't like it, leave now.

  3. Waking anyone up at 2.30/3.30am is always inappropriate. This rule even applies in a hotel, where you're paying for a room.

  4. IF she stays over as a GUEST, it is blindingly obvious she should creep silently upstairs and go to bed. If they can't see that, they're A - massively entitled and B- very very rude.

Glittertwins · 01/03/2025 10:54

No need to apologise for "having a right old moan", it's justified!

Santasbigredbobblehat · 01/03/2025 10:58

This is incredible, your son’s girlfriend is completely disrespecting you, I can believe her nerve.

No, to a house meeting, wtf no.

She doesn’t have to stay over does she, he can stay at hers. Done.

Hwi · 01/03/2025 10:58

Why let her stay in the first place? They are not married.

JimHalpertsWife · 01/03/2025 10:58

If she's going to give attitude on your very reasonable requests then she can return the key and not stay over ever again

Uberella · 01/03/2025 10:58

I don't think adult children should have a curfew but they should be respectful and waking someone up by coming home in the early hours making enough noise to wake up people isn't acceptable.

Why can't your son get a place of his own?

JimHalpertsWife · 01/03/2025 10:59

Hwi · 01/03/2025 10:58

Why let her stay in the first place? They are not married.

Because its not 1945.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 01/03/2025 11:01

She's got her own place! I thought she would be living with parents who wouldn't allow him to stay, or lived a long way away. So cheeky. Tell them if they want to stay together overnight in future he needs to stay at her place. As for her going out with her mates and coming back to your place to make food, that's really awful, OP. You're not being unreasonable at all.

I know what you mean about it being more difficult as a single parent. I totally agree - I don't think they'd try it on so often if there were two of you. As it is, it's those two against one of you.

TheAmusedQuail · 01/03/2025 11:01

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:50

She lives in a student house a fifteen minute walk from mine! They like it at mine, nice big kitchen to make messy at 3.00 am, and their own bathroom to leave wet towels in. Sorry, having a right old moan now....!

Edited

I suspect that she is a spoiled child in her own home, which for some unaccountable reason she can continue in your home. But you're not her mum!

I do also suspect your son is a spoiled brat however (sorry). Either that or he's being influenced by her over entitled influence.

I'm just floored by the assumption that she thinks that she can come into a house that she doesn't live in and doesn't contribute to and wake up and annoy the person who owns it/pays all the bills. Fcuking nerve of her! And he isn't a lot better.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 01/03/2025 11:02

JimHalpertsWife · 01/03/2025 10:59

Because its not 1945.

You're out by a few decades, there. It wouldn't have been seen as reasonable even in the 80s.

TheAmusedQuail · 01/03/2025 11:02

Hwi · 01/03/2025 10:58

Why let her stay in the first place? They are not married.

This is the west. They're adults. Sex before marriage is fine.

Cleanthecoffeemachine · 01/03/2025 11:03

Put a chain on the door and use it after 11pm.
Also if she's waking you up as she gets out of an Uber, she's probably waking your neighbours up too.

Silvertulips · 01/03/2025 11:04

We live in a bungalow, my room is next to the kitchen. My kids don’t wake me up when they come home drunk! It’s not that difficult!

Shes being disrespectful, even your DS said not to come round but she did it anyway. Rude and entitled.

thepariscrimefiles · 01/03/2025 11:04

When she is working, she needs to go home to her own place, not yours. Also, never ever attend a 'house meeting' that she has called! The sheer cheek of it is off the charts.

Do you think that she will be doing this when your children move in with their dad?

rainbowstardrops · 01/03/2025 11:04

Wow, the cheek of her! Especially as she lives near to you anyway! Stand your ground and if she doesn't like it then she knows what she can do!

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