Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

[rubberduck68]

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

Your son is behaving like an entitled little shit. I would be saying absolutely no sleepovers for a month this time and if they do it again then no sleepovers ever! I would absolutely lose my shit if my son did this to me.

Called a meeting?!

Is there any way they can come in late but quietly? Have they not learned to tip-toe? Are they coming home drunk & noisy, making sandwiches etc?

Well, if she's at all worried about you not liking her, she's doing nothing with her behaviour and attitude to rectify that situation, is she?

You don't have to like her. She's going out with your son, not you. However, if she's wishing to impose on your hospitality, then both your son and she need to ensure you are not suffering detriment by her presence.

As much as anything, you don't have a son's girlfriend problem, you have a son problem. He needs to grow a pair and stand firm and enforce your entirely reasonable requirements for her enjoying your hospitality in your house. She doesn't even fucking live there, or contribute to the household (positively) in any bloody way! Who the HELL does she think she is?!

I am always having to hear stories about how her mum is "too nice" and "does everything for her", (her dad is dead, doted on though, bought her breakfast in bed every school morning!) to which I reply, "well, I've raised my kids to have some life skills", and the last time after I said that I had to endure a very awkward sit-down meeting about how she thinks I criticise her mother. FFS! I am very calm with them during these sit-down chats and hold my own, I think but I am seeing another side from the responses on here today...

Our place has shit noise protection, wrecked big gapped old floorboards in the uncarpeted rooms, it's been part of the conversation with them both, that you can hear everything from room to room.

CALLED TO A MEETING IN YOUR OWN HOME?! No fkin way, they are a pair of cfs. Tell them both that she is no longer welcome overnight (if at all) and if they don’t like it, your son can move out right now and stand on his own two feet, seeing as he wants to be considered an adult.

The absolute cheek and entitlement of some young people, put your foot down right now!

I wonder how they will behave around the Dad? Bet you can't wait for summer!!! Once they stay with him do not weaken if he says it is not working out!!!

If they wake you up again I would go downstairs and tell them off there and then. Every time they make too much noise I’d be up and in their room or where ever they are and tell them to be quiet. Basically I’d be making it uncomfortable for them. Assuming she still stays over and makes a racket. And for the love of god no more meetings that madam has decided to hold!

Sheer bloody cheek of the pair of them! I cannot comprehend the sheer entitlement of her thinking she can turn up at your house at 3am when she hasn’t even been out with your son.

Sod being summoned to meetings with them- your house, your rules.

Dad lives in a McMansion with his own wing, and he has always been the cool, Disney dad so if he gets a whiff that I hate the middle of the night interferences, he will be up drinking with them no doubt. He's an emotional child, so I am not expecting any rationale comparisons there...

OP you are being taken for a mug in your own home. You need to go nuclear on this or it will continue.

Your son is an adult, he needs to start behaving as one - they need to move into their own place if they want to take the piss like that, otherwise he needs to start respecting the fact that this is your house. She sounds like a total madam, and shouldn't be allowed back in your home if she is so disrespectful to you.

Well done! Clearly spoiled rotten. Make it abundantly clear that in your house this is where it sops.

Tell him she can't come over anytime she's coming after 11pm. You can't ban him from doing it, he lives there. BUT you can insist on as near to silence as possible with him. He won't like it. But your home, your rules. It's not even an unreasonable rule! This very topic is in the Guardian this week, about a selfish flatmate waking up the guy he shares a flat with.

But not her. She doesn't live there. Welcome to stay 3 nights a week (you're too generous with that but that's your choice) but she can only come over if it's before 11pm. And needs to be in his bedroom, quiet after 11pm. If they wake you up after that, she'll have to go home.

He may be out to best you, but when they're trashing the kitchen, causing chaos in his home, it'll be a different story. I'd bet good money that he'll be wingeing about them being tw*ts in his house within 2 months of them moving there. Leopards don't change their spots.

Actually, why can't your son move there now? Why has he got to wait until his sister moves too?

Who the fuck does she think she is ? What an entitled little madam. Take back your keys and your house. You owe her nothing. As for manchild son, he needs to be told to grow up and act like the adult he is supposed to be.
This situation is only going to get worse.

Why are you putting up with this? She wouldn't be coming to my house ever again.

You have been more that patient with them, OP. Time to say no more overnight stays for the GF and your son needs to crack on with moving out. It's truly horrible being woken up in the middle of the night. They have both been really inconsiderate and ignorant.

They shouldn't be living with you anymore.

She’s very rude. She should be respectful of your sleep in a house where she is a guest.

Because his GF is going with him (the Dad lives hours away from here) and they want to wait until she has finished Uni first. My ex husband has a GF twenty years younger who lives with him who they all find quite annoying, so my guess is they are all going together as a kind of safety in numbers. I don't ask about it too much, but I do know they are planning on paying him rent and I currently get none because my son lost his job a few months ago, but has substantial savings. I know... I know... I am a soft touch. I kind of aim for a quiet life most of the time, but right now I feel really triggered.

I wouldn't have this from my kids and definitely not a girl friend. Hope they break up or sh will be the dil from hell.

If she's working, and coming in late, to your home, she either respects your sleep and does it quietly, or goes home.
I worked shifts, getting home well after midnight on a late shift. I managed to get myself sorted and ready for bed without disturbing the whole house.
It's entitled and disrespectful. Your house, your rules.

No, she needs to go home to her own house when she’s finishing work so late,

The obvious solution here is for your DS to move in with her, whatever her living situation is. Or they agree to spend working nights apart. It's fair enough to say no one is allowed arrive late.

I am a bit worried that if I upset the GF I will lose my son. You hear of that happening, don't you? I also want some decent sleep though and don't want to feel I have to choose between the two.