Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

[rubberduck68]

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

I don't agree that no limits can be applied to your son as he lives there.
Part of being an adult is being considerate and not making a nuisance of yourself and any guest you bring home.
Disturbing the sleep of another adult who needs sleep to function at work the next day is so not on.
My DS and his DGF stayed with me for 9 months once. I set a boundary that I didn't want to hear anything and they adhered to it.

@Julimia

why should she suck it up? And err yes, more sleepless nights will not be good for OP! And what do you mean “we’re not talking about children”?

I would just decide that she cannot spend the night any longer. They can go to her parents to crash. Your DS can move out if he doesn't like the decision.

You deserve peace and quiet at night and restful sleep. Apologies are meaningless when given, and then the same behavior is repeated over and over.

Don't be ridiculous. It is still his home too and he is not 14. Never heard such nonsense.

@Julimia

whats ridiculous about OP wanting a peaceful nights sleep in HER house??
and it is her house, she pays the mortgage - her son doesn’t even pay rent

Yes he is an adult and no he doesn’t have a curfew. BUT if he and his girlfriend want to bang around and make loads of noise, they can do it in their own place. It’s incredibly rude and disrespectful to do it to you in your own home. And no way would I be getting called to a meeting in my home by some girlfriend and I would tell them both straight. Very childish behaviour.

Hopefully it’s all sorted.
if it goes back to the was it was I would be hoovering the landing outside their door, at 6am, 7am, 8am, 9am due to my sudden cleaning desire that only affects the area outside his bedroom door, I’d probably be cranking up the 90’s anthems up as loud as possible without upsetting the neighbours.

Added to the number of sleepless nights from your children anyway a few more don't matter. She should suck it up because it's truly not worth falling out over. She says it is now only going to be temporary so what dies it matter

You’re doing really well op. I hope your ds has some good news on the job front and that all can return to calm and normalcy.

@Julimia

your 20 something adult son shouldn’t be causing you sleepless nights as if they were a 2 year old, ffs!

Why is it all about money? It's his home too at the moment.
Ifvyou know whatvthe noise is you justvturn over and sleep anyway.

@Julimia a lot of people can’t sleep if people are banging and clattering about…
im not sure why you think this man and his GF shouldn’t just pay OP some respect? She doesn’t have to be a martyr

He's not causing them the lady is refusing to ignore the disruption. Turn over and go to sleep. Not worth falling out about.

Are you for real?

@Julimia

haha, if she could ignore it she would but clearly they are loud enough that she can’t ignore it and go to sleep! Why should she tiptoe around this grown man in case he falls out with her? He should be worried about her falling out with him! Especially as it’s her house not his, and she could turf him out at any time she wants…

Yes.

Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her

And you actually sit down to be hectored by the harradin?? Mistake number 1!
If she accuses you again of 'not liking her' the appropriate response would be 'Oh, something we agree on at last!'

@Julimia

?

No tiptoeing required. Just common sense

@Julimia

common sense would be that this grown adult and his gf pipe down and let Op sleep!

Unbelievable

Isn’t this because of their working pattern!? Not sure you can say much unless you want her to look for another job and move out

Wow the cheek!

It is your home. You have every right to say who comes and goes. Your ds, gf, is being extremely disrespectful towards you. It's not as if you haven't had words with them previously. If she cannot respect you, out she goes. You are not asking g alot of her, and she should adhere to your wishes.Put your foot down now, otherwise it will not get better. Good luck

I lived at home for a bit after uni and went out clubbing sometimes, getting home at 2 or 3 am. I crept in as quietly as a mouse so as not to wake my parents, and my mum commented on how she never heard me come in. This is what you do, if you're a young person in that situation.