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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Woken up by adult kids AGAIN.... AIBU

457 replies

rubberduck68 · 01/03/2025 10:04

My adult son still lives at home (he and his sister who is at Uni are moving in with their dad in the summer) but I just want to check if IABU. He and his GF are both early twenties, and she does stay over sometimes, which I am fine with. I have made the house rules that it's no more than three nights a week, but she's starting working at a nightclub and coming back at 3.00 am and waking me and my dog up. I have asked them both to stop, in fact I got them both up really early the last time they did it and sent her home. She did it again this week and I talked to her about it and she apologised. Last night, 2.30 am out she gets from an Uber and they are banging about downstairs! I spoke to my son who apologised. I've just asked him to send her home now, and he said I am "not very understanding." I feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own bloody home. Historically whenever I have put a boundary down with these two I am called to a meeting by them a few days later where she claims I don't like her, so I've cut that off with him today and said I won't be doing that, it's her behaviour I don't like. My son't argument is that he shouldn't have a curfew as an adult which I agree with, but I made the point that she doesn't live here! AIBU? I would never have dared behave like his in my parent's home at any age!

OP posts:
Whattimes · 05/03/2025 13:09

I've had (paying) guests stay, come back all hours and creep up to their room very quietly, never set a curfew as never needed to. Being quiet at 3am.....basic manners and common sense! Do you think she is unaware of how loud she is being?

rubberduck68 · 05/03/2025 21:56

Whattimes · 05/03/2025 13:09

I've had (paying) guests stay, come back all hours and creep up to their room very quietly, never set a curfew as never needed to. Being quiet at 3am.....basic manners and common sense! Do you think she is unaware of how loud she is being?

Rickety old building with crap sound proofing, but she does have a loud voice!

OP posts:
lornesausage20 · 07/03/2025 11:49

If she is coming to your house independently of him… I.e they haven’t been out together, then that is taking the piss. If they have been out together and she is coming home with him that’s a bit more understanding.

It sounds to me like your son might be scared of her. I also have to ask what’s going on in her home life that she feels she can treat your house like a dosshouse.

Widower2014 · 08/03/2025 11:12

Your house, your rules. Why don't they go back to her place at 3am

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2025 11:27

Whattimes · 05/03/2025 13:09

I've had (paying) guests stay, come back all hours and creep up to their room very quietly, never set a curfew as never needed to. Being quiet at 3am.....basic manners and common sense! Do you think she is unaware of how loud she is being?

NO!

Because it's been discussed with the OP's son and resolved!!

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2025 11:28

@rubberduck68

Do you happen to have any cheques that need cancelling?

rubberduck68 · 08/03/2025 11:32

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2025 11:28

@rubberduck68

Do you happen to have any cheques that need cancelling?

What does that mean?

OP posts:
rubberduck68 · 08/03/2025 11:35

UPDATE: In the past week she has only stayed over once, and DS asked me as they were going out to a local friend's house for dinner and would be back by midnight. I said as they were going out together that would be fine, but they had to be quiet. I didn't hear them come in. Rest of the week he's been at hers. Today he came in with chocolates for me for International Women's Day!

OP posts:
Stanthedog15 · 08/03/2025 11:37

Can you say that your son goes to stay with her at her parents house. Let them, be woken. Let them deal with the noise. And STOP the letting her stay at your house immediately.

AshKeys · 08/03/2025 11:37

rubberduck68 · 08/03/2025 11:32

What does that mean?

MN in joke ‘cancel the cheque’ - dates back to a thread with a CF who was paid for something by cheque. Forget the details.

AthWat · 08/03/2025 11:51

He's right, of course. As an adult , nobody can impose conditions like a curfew on him. That's what being an adult is about. Being responsible for your own life.

He absolutely has the right to move out of your house whenever he chooses to and come back to his new home at whatever time he likes.

TunipTheVegimal24 · 08/03/2025 12:26

rubberduck68 · 08/03/2025 11:35

UPDATE: In the past week she has only stayed over once, and DS asked me as they were going out to a local friend's house for dinner and would be back by midnight. I said as they were going out together that would be fine, but they had to be quiet. I didn't hear them come in. Rest of the week he's been at hers. Today he came in with chocolates for me for International Women's Day!

Well done OP.

I think lots of people, especially women, worry they'll upset people with their reasonable demands. But often, the opposite is true, and by expecting respect, people treat you better.

I hope your nice, quiet nights continue x

Nothanks17 · 08/03/2025 12:26

Add a latch to your door

Princessfluffy · 08/03/2025 12:32

Hurrah OP this seems to be working out great

NewishBroom · 08/03/2025 12:35

Fuck that!

DancingFerret · 08/03/2025 12:43

Stanthedog15 · 08/03/2025 11:37

Can you say that your son goes to stay with her at her parents house. Let them, be woken. Let them deal with the noise. And STOP the letting her stay at your house immediately.

Please read the thread before commenting.

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2025 12:47

AshKeys · 08/03/2025 11:37

MN in joke ‘cancel the cheque’ - dates back to a thread with a CF who was paid for something by cheque. Forget the details.

Even when the situation was resolved there were hundreds of posts on a very long running thread asking the OP if she'd cancelled the cheque yet

Because people, even by post 15o, think they're saying something that hasn't already been said loads of times or responding to something that's been resolved much like this one!

Pinkmoose · 08/03/2025 12:50

Different people have different ways about them. This really wouldn't bother me and it doesn't but my husband gets the right hump about being woken up and people being inconsiderate.
I tend to just think they probably don't realise how much noise they're making.

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 08/03/2025 12:52

Wasn’t that a wedding one? OP gave (as requested) a cheque to her ?goddaughter? instead of a present. After the wedding the bride contacted her and basically said the cheque wasn’t enough, could she give more? Early comments suggested cancelling the cheque, and I can’t remember if OP did or not. But anyway, it was somehow resolved. Then for a long time after, new posters were still posting ‘hey, you should cancel the cheque’ and it was extremely irritating. Hence, read the thread (or at the bare minimum read OP’s posts) before commenting!

Nanny0gg · 08/03/2025 12:53

Pinkmoose · 08/03/2025 12:50

Different people have different ways about them. This really wouldn't bother me and it doesn't but my husband gets the right hump about being woken up and people being inconsiderate.
I tend to just think they probably don't realise how much noise they're making.

I give up!!!

FGS!!

ManchesterLu · 08/03/2025 13:42

Your house, your rules. There are no age limits on this. Just because children are now adults doesn't mean they can do whatever the hell they want without thinking about other people.

Yes, there are more freedoms. But they still need to be considerate, as they will always need to when they live with another person.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/03/2025 13:57

@ManchesterLu - if you read the OP's updates, you’ll see this has all been resolved.

MyTwinklyPanda · 08/03/2025 14:24

It's your house, your rules, I'd do the same. They clearly have disregarded what you've said to them. She sounds manipulative asking for a meeting, cheeky, immature and rude trying to put the issue back onto you!! Suggest she and he move out and get their own place and make sure you get your key back.

Anniegetyourgun · 08/03/2025 14:27

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 08/03/2025 12:52

Wasn’t that a wedding one? OP gave (as requested) a cheque to her ?goddaughter? instead of a present. After the wedding the bride contacted her and basically said the cheque wasn’t enough, could she give more? Early comments suggested cancelling the cheque, and I can’t remember if OP did or not. But anyway, it was somehow resolved. Then for a long time after, new posters were still posting ‘hey, you should cancel the cheque’ and it was extremely irritating. Hence, read the thread (or at the bare minimum read OP’s posts) before commenting!

Yes, that was it. The cheque had already been cashed so it was not possible to cancel it. The OP explained this on page 1 or 2, and as everyone here correctly remembers, it went on for many pages of "helpful" advice after that! Not sure if the thread made it to classics.

Blanketpolicy · 08/03/2025 14:55

Get them together and give a clear message.

You : "I tried to be nice and was taken for a mug, nice time is over. Final warning to you ds, I raised you better, continue to show me this lack of consideration, respect or manners and wake me up again, EVEN ONCE, and ds you are no longer welcome to bring any overnight visitors to MY house. Your choice."

Gf : "you don't like me!?! 😭"

You : "pet, you don't live here, I am not blaming you, I barely know you yet as ds and you only seem to come out of the bedroom at night. I am saying this to ds and it stands whether he is alone, or with anyone he has visiting. Being so inconsiderate will no longer be tolerated. This is not a student house share. My house rules, his choice. This "meeting" is over, thank you for your attendance"

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