My in laws are ok people, definitely nothing as dramatic as some of the things I’ve read on here, but we do not get on particularly well. It was more like death by a thousand paper-cuts than one big falling out, so whilst I can give examples of things they’ve done here, each on their own they aren’t too significant. But over years and years of them being like this to me… the relationship just isn’t there anymore.
My husband and I have a 3-year-old daughter, and lately, my in-laws have been pushing hard to babysit her alone, which I am completely against. They see her about once a month, either at our place or theirs, but I’m always present. They, however, seem determined to carve out alone time. At first, it was framed as a treat for us: “Why don’t you two go for lunch? We’ll watch her!” and when I explained that there’s no need, she has a nanny / housekeeper / my helper (I received a very large inheritance early which means that I am lucky enough to afford paid childcare and help around the house, whilst I am a SAHM, my DH is not paying for this) who can look after my daughter perfectly, knows how I want things done and does them to a standard we’re happy with, it turned into “but we want to have a go, we want time alone with her, we are grandparents so we deserve to”.
MIL’s even bigger wish is an overnight stay. But I’ve never left my daughter for a night, and I have zero need or desire to. And honestly, what do they want to do with her that they can’t do while we’re there? On top of that, I don’t trust them to follow instructions (what to feed her, when to sleep, what not to give her, what she’s allowed to do and what she isn’t) and really don’t see the need.
And just to paint a picture of what they’re like:
1. The first words out of their mouths when we got engaged? “You’re a lucky girl, Lou, aren’t you?”
2. A few days postpartum: “You didn’t have a C-section, did you?! That’s terrible for babies’ lungs.”
3. When we called from the hospital to say I’d just given birth, instead of “Congratulations! How are you feeling?” we got: “We’ll get ready to head over when you get home.” (That assumption locked in my decision: they weren’t visiting for a few days even after we’d got home.)
4. During a rare overnight stay at our house, I asked them to keep things calm before bed. MIL’s response was a breezy “I don’t think that’s necessary!” as she wound my daughter up right before sleep.
Individually, none of these are that bad. But after years of this? I just don’t have it in me to pretend.