To let my early teens DD go without braces

[UndertakeDrive35]

My DD has an overbite, but she’s stated that she doesn’t feel it’s causing any issues and doesn’t mind going without orthodontic treatment (meaning fixed braces.) For context, the orthodontist advised traditional braces the last time we visited (last July), and apart from the overbite she does have some smaller incisors/canines however that can be fixed with veneers and not braces - she has had a meltdown every time braces have been mentioned because she says it will cause her to be extremely ugly and very unlovable (and i know how crucial confidence is for teens especially younger ones!! 😓) and even though I stress that they’re temporary, she says that even a year of feeling ugly and horrible about herself will be internalised and leave her damaged in the future, which I do actually agree with seeing as the treatment isn’t completely medically necessarily. I must mention she’s also autistic + the dentist said invisalign might not be viable and has said she would have thoughts abut harming herself should she get braces because she would feel so ugly that she needs to die and she would have no purpose in the world and she’s already quite insecure. I was deeply upset to hear this and there is nothing that I can do to console her, so I think that I should leave it seeing as she’s fine in her current state, but people i know in real life have disagreed with me, told me to sit her down and make her do it!!!! AIBU???

Braces are not compulsory. Ask “people” how they’d feel if someone made them do something that was going to distress them so much.

Based on your title I was going to say YABU, simply because as a teen I wasn’t super keen to get braces, which my mum didn’t push, and I’ve had endless dental problems as an adult. However, it definitely sounds like there is more to it in your case. And your dd is having a pretty extreme reaction. It sounds like she might need some mental health support before revisiting the issue?

If you can afford the treatment privately later on then it's an option, but she won't get it done on the NHS once she's out of school. I'd ask her to really think about if she's not wanting to get it fixed just for the sake of a bit of time in braces now? She might find herself feeling worse in the long run if it's noticable.

If an orthodontist is recommending then it's really worth getting your daughter some professional help in helping her process the actual implications of this.
To be recommended by an orthodontist as needing treatment is a medical professional opinion.

Also if you can pay privately it might be an option to get the braces on the back of her teeth vs the front. It's much less noticable.

Sorry but I agree with those in real life - okay strictly speaking it isn’t necessary but the orthodontist have advised it. Your DD might not mind now going without but she is a child and as such doesn’t have the capacity to fully understand this decision cognitively yet, and later may end up having to do a lot more repair because she won’t have it done now. As an aside financially what is the plan if getting to adulthood where she cannot get orthodontist treatment free? (Not sure if this is the case for you?) This would be one of those situations honestly I would be pulling the parent card and doing anything I could to get her to have them and presenting it as a non negotiable.

Her views matter. Look up Gillick competence.

Ask the dentist to explain to her what the risks are for her of not going ahead.

Unless very serious risks, I'd let her choose, slowly.

I was told that if your bite needs correcting it can affect all sorts of health issues. I was told my child’s asthma would be better after having braces and it was true. You can get very discreet white braces now. A little bit more expensive but much better than the old silver ones.

My mum didn't push braces when I was younger and now I have a wonky front tooth that I need to get fixed, but something always comes up. Encourage her if you can.

You cannot force a teen to have braces against their will, if she is that upset and against it would the dentist even be willing?
I think you need to be clear if it is being advised for the future health of her teeth or if it is cosmetic? Ie what are the repercussions if any of leaving it? If it isn't going to affect her eating or cause problems in the future due to uneven wear or something then yes, I'd leave it. If it IS related to health then I'd make sure she understands that and has all the information, but still wouldn't try and force it.
And seriously, how would that work anyway, would you drag her kicking and screaming to the chair?

Pressed send too soon. I would look into some self esteem counselling if the idea of having braces would make her feel that way. She is obviously struggling.

Dd 14, had braces fitted last October, first few days was in extreme pain, and we've had to go back every 3-4 weeks for various reasons. If your daughter is already stressed about it then I just wouldn't

I’d just leave it for now as you say she is a young teen. My DD was similar. At 10/11 she was told she should have braces. She was dead against it.
By 14 she realised how normal it was to have braces, she didn’t think any of her friends who had had braces ever looked ugly because of it and her wonky teeth were starting to bother her so we just started it then.

Not wanting to scare monger but have a serious chat with her and the orthodontist. My brother refused a fixed brace and head strap contraption in his teens for an overbite, he now has sleep apnea which is so severe he has to wear a machine to help him breathe at night, the overbite has been cited as a huge contributing factor. I’m not downplaying her mental health just make sure she understands the possible repercussions.

I personally had a brace (the one you take off each night to clean) the last year of primary school and was cool with it. I guess maybe if it was more visible it could've felt more embarrassing?
I had underbite though. Ultimately it's her choice. But i would gently encourage if it's dentally beneficial.
Is kids orthodontics still free? If not then financial burden is an issue.

Given you’ve had a medical opinion that she needs them can you find out what the longer term implications are if she doesn’t have braces? My DD had an overbite and her jaw was out of alignment. Longer term if she hadn’t had braces she would have likely experienced headaches and jaw pain. It was also impacting the shape of her face which was already starting to become evident at 12. Her face would have looked slightly crooked. She was fine having the braces as so many of her friends had them but if I’d had to convince her I think a picture of what future her would look like would have been more impactful than mentioning headaches for instance.

I would get a second opinion by an experienced invialign provider as there isn't much they're not suitable for anymore. The invisalign website lists providers ranked by how many they have done. My 13 year old has been in them a week, large overjet/bite and includes mandibular advancement which is best done while they are still growing. Left until an adult it would probably have required surgery.

For what it’s worth, I was in exactly the same position as your dd. Overbite, orthodontist recommending treatment to sort it, and I felt self conscious about it and didn’t do it.
massive mistake. I have suffered with discomfort, pain, my lower teeth cutting into the roof of my mouth, feeling self conscious, being teased resulting in body dysmorphia, you name it for the 30 years since. I’d go back and change that decision in a heartbeat.

@rainbowsparkle28 I don’t think you understand that she’s threatened to harm and kill herself. She rarely makes empty threats and has harmed herself in the past. I would be concerned she wouldn’t even wear the retainer if we went ahead with the braces, or as she calls them, ‘ugly detriments.’

While I don’t think you should force her I have always regretted not having braces as a teenager and I wish my mother had pushed me more, especially since I ended up spending thousands as an adult on my teeth. If I were you id be explaining the benefits to her and helping her to consider how she could navigate the negatives. I’d also strongly recommend getting her support around her self-esteem and resilience.

Since she feels so strongly about it, is it something you could put off an revisit in a few years? Would braces be an option then still?

If she's getting braces on the nhs then her teeth must be significantly severe condition

You can't force her but you can run through all the medical info so she can make an informed decision

I felt like your daughter and my mum didn't push it either. The overbite got progressively worse and wrecked my confidence (and appearance!) in my 20s until I could afford the 5k to fix it at 30. I will ensure my kids get braces the moment if/when it's suggested

I did Invisalign in my 40s - am so pleased -I’d been so self conscious all my life. Really wished I’d had them younger but persuaded my mum not to.
Put quite a lot of pressure on my DD she had Invisalign at 14. She wasn’t prepared to before then. However all her friends had braces at the same time. My DD reaction was extreme but not as bad as yours. Perhaps delay a bit and just drip feed of the benefits. Hopefully a lot of her friends will also have it.

Agree with this. You need to find a way to address her reaction to it, rather than not going through with the treatment if it is advised. Both my DS need a brace, one has just got a UFB fitted in, and took a while to adjust to it. The first few days were a battle but I know if they don't they will regret it later on.