To let my early teens DD go without braces

[UndertakeDrive35]

My DD has an overbite, but she’s stated that she doesn’t feel it’s causing any issues and doesn’t mind going without orthodontic treatment (meaning fixed braces.) For context, the orthodontist advised traditional braces the last time we visited (last July), and apart from the overbite she does have some smaller incisors/canines however that can be fixed with veneers and not braces - she has had a meltdown every time braces have been mentioned because she says it will cause her to be extremely ugly and very unlovable (and i know how crucial confidence is for teens especially younger ones!! 😓) and even though I stress that they’re temporary, she says that even a year of feeling ugly and horrible about herself will be internalised and leave her damaged in the future, which I do actually agree with seeing as the treatment isn’t completely medically necessarily. I must mention she’s also autistic + the dentist said invisalign might not be viable and has said she would have thoughts abut harming herself should she get braces because she would feel so ugly that she needs to die and she would have no purpose in the world and she’s already quite insecure. I was deeply upset to hear this and there is nothing that I can do to console her, so I think that I should leave it seeing as she’s fine in her current state, but people i know in real life have disagreed with me, told me to sit her down and make her do it!!!! AIBU???

I completely agree with you OP. It sounds like her mental health is the priority.

As a young teen, it was suggested I needed braces. I was already spotty and unattractive and self-conscious, I didn't want braces on top of that. I asked, could I wait and do it in my 20s? Dentist said yes, so I shrugged and said, well I'll think about it then, then. My mum shrugged too and we went home.

I definitely don't regret my decision. And it never occurred to me until I read this thread that anyone might have tried to force me into it.

Would it help if you go through all the medical facts with her and the pros and cons? Left untreated, an overbite can cause other problems, if it’s been suggested on the NHS there must be a reason.

My DS is autistic and will react badly to things when he has built it up into his head as much worse than it is, but I find when we go through all the facts of a situation he calms down. He has had to have a few medical treatments recently and I find giving him more information helps - why he needs it, what it involves, the benefits, what the disadvantages are if he doesn’t do it.

Your DD might need other medical treatments in future so if she avoids this how will she learn to cope with other medical issues?

My DD has just had braces fitted and because quite a few friends have them too, she doesn’t feel different or ugly. The dentist talked with her about what she didn’t like about her teeth and how it would improve them. She chose the colour braces she wanted too. Braces are seen as quite cool now I think! One of her friends is even paying for them as she can’t get them on the NHS. However DD is NT so can see the bigger picture, which I know can be harder for ASD kids.

She's got plenty of time to change her mind and still get treatment on the NHS or privately after that if she chooses. But equally if she decides never to have the treatment that's fine - plenty of people have an overbite without serious consequences in the future. I could have had braces as a teen but (due to a massive gag reflex couldn't face the impression being made) and have had no issues at 50.
You're right not to force this on her now.

My dd has sensory issues and is very likely autistic, I was worried about braces as she struggles so much with any kind of discomfort but it was generally okay. She's older now and 100% in agreement it was worth the discomfort for nice teeth.

I personally would really encourage her to have them, orthodontic treatment is so expensive so being able to have it for free is a privilege. It's a short term pain for a longer term gain.

I'd also be nipping any kind of judgement about feeling ugly because of having braces. Most teens have braces, are they all ugly?

I’ve had almost exactly the same situation with Ds aged 12. He also has autism and sensory issues. I have let him make the decision and he doesn’t want them. I also know the sensory / pain aspect of it would be too much for him. He can always have Invisalign when he’s older. To be honest I was quite cross with the dentist for even suggesting it in front of him as it’s given him a total complex about it all when he didn’t even think he had an issue with his teeth! I wish they’d said something to me privately and let me explain to him myself, or decide what to do. When we had the next appointment with the dentist for a check up I actually rang them ahead of it and said please do not mention braces again as he’s decided he doesn’t want them and has autism and sensory issues and wouldn’t cope with them. They didn’t mention it again.

I decided not to have braces myself for similar reasons at a similar age and I’ve never regretted it. I have one twisted tooth right at the bottom in the front and I’ve never wanted to get it sorted, I’m 44 now.

I think you can only go with whatever she decides at this age really. You can’t force her.

The science/research behind the risks of not having braces and systemic illness being the cause of things like asthma/sleep/TMJ (in fact can become worse after dental treatment) isn’t very robust. It tends to be a small group of clinicians who publish these sorts of claims and they reference each other.

Orthodontics really are just for cosmetic reasons, especially if it’s suitable for high street orthodontists to treat or a non orthodontist providing Invisalign. There is research around how it doesn’t impact on things like caries risk or help with TMJ problems. Historically it was sort of generally accepted in the dental community that the psychological impact of having “bad” teeth was a big justification but there have been some studies which show long term there is no difference in people who have or don’t have braces.

Realistically you can’t force her or if you were able to I imagine it would be far more damaging to her than not having braces.

While is would be preferable for her to have them now for free on the NHS( which is going to become more difficult and only for extreme cases) no orthodontist is going to even try and force her, which would be impossible anyway. Listen to your daughter, even if she perhaps doesn’t understand fully now, she can have treatment in the future. She may well never want to have braces and have no issues at all with her TMJ/asthma/other systemic issue.

If she does want treatment in the future she might have to pay or the treatment will be longer or accept the outcome isn’t ideal compared with if she had it now and that describes the vast majority of people having adult orthodontics at the minute who still end up pleased with the result when it’s finished.

Don't make her. I've recently had braces as an adult. I HATED them. I hated the way they look, I hate the way they feel. I thought about them non stop. I persevered because I was motivated for the end result. If I hadn't even wanted them in the first place and someone was.making me wear them I think the experience would be a hell of a lot worse.

Don't make her do it. Please don't. She will be absolutely miserable and why inflict this on her. Just don't

I was advised to have them but I didn’t and as I got a bit older my teeth sorted themselves out. She’s got plenty of time to get them once she’s stopped growing as a young adult.

you're raising a child who has learned they can pull the mental health card to get their own way about everything.

and it will cause you hell for the rest of your life, and for far worse things than this.

she won't be able to cope when she gets dumped or gets an exam grade she doesn't like and so on and so forth. you can't protect her from anything bad happening to her in her life ever.

she needs to learn that minor things are not the end of the world. she'll be blaming you in 10 or 20 years when her teeth are awful for life that you didn't make her do it. better to be ugly for a year than ugly for a lifetime.

I find it hard to spot a teenager without braces these days as orthodontics easily give the perfect smile. My kids had them (the eldest from yr7) and they have the most beautiful, straight teeth. It’s worth it believe me

I'm not sure how more modern dentistry works but I had braces in the 80's. I had pegs and bands on the bottom, no problem. I had a plate on the top, which I absolutely hated. I only wore it at night or at home. I didn't wear it to school, did once and got called 'Metal Mickey'. I was terribly self conscious. I didn't have an overbite, just over crowding. Had 5 teeth taken out and then the braces. I'm so glad my parents and dentist pushed/insisted/made me have this done. I have neat teeth now. This type of work would cost a fortune privately.
I'd insist OP. Dentists don't offer this type of work unless it's absolutely necessary, it's not classed as cosmetic for a reason.

More reasons to insist she has it done - taken from the web. I'm sure you're aware of this though.

Not treating an overbite early can lead to a range of dental issues including jaw pain, gum damage, tooth wear, difficulty chewing and speaking, potential for sleep apnoea, and increased severity of the misalignment, making correction more difficult later in life as jaw development slows down; essentially, the longer you wait, the more complications can arise from an untreated overbite.

Does she think every child at school with braces (which must be a significant number if it's anything like my kids' school) is ugly and unlovable? She must know several that have boyfriends or girlfriends?

We had a similar situation, my Daughter is older and it wasn't about looks but pain. She has a very low pain threshold and I was concerned she would struggle, she is autistic and worried about all the sensory issues too. She agreed to go to the orthodontist to see if she were eligible for braces and what they thought. They said she was eligible but it would be largely cosmetic and wouldn't be a concern if she didn't have them, so we decided against them. We have said if she changes her mind as an adult, I am happy to cover the costs of invisalign.

If she is younger, she could look at them any time before 18, is it worth revisiting perhaps at 16 or 17? Maybe asking how important it would be to have braces and to explain the consequences of not having them. Maybe a couple extra years and she may feel different if explained to her what would happen without them and the effects it would have.

Obviously you are not going to be able to physically force her. Change the conversation. Keep talking about the risks of her decision but firmly let her know that decision is hers so that she feels like she has control over it. It sounds like she feels backed into a corner.

Nearly every single teen I know has braces so she might be more open to this conversation in a year or two. Having perfect teeth is going to be quite a standard thing for this generation.

but she must know that forcing is not even being discussed.

Wow 😮

You need to address her reaction because what if things change and they are medically necessary? Or she develops severe acne? Or anything else that impacts her looks?

I’ve done Invisalign, I hated how they made me look and it impacted me quite badly. But they were required for medical reasons so that’s that.

I think she’ll live to regret it in the future - very silly to turn down an NHS offer to fix her teeth for free. I doubt that they would give her another chance later down the line if she were to change her mind. I had to pay £4k for DD’s braces privately!

Better to have braces at this age than when she’s older. So many teens have them and she won’t stand out whatsoever.

It seems like you’ve thoroughly talked through how lots of teenagers have braces/they’re only temporary/she will still look lovely with braces/ looks aren’t the most important thing about people, etc etc. After all that if she’s still insistent that she won’t have them, you can’t force her - it’s not an essential health issue.

Obviously you also need make the point that when she’s older she might regret that she didn’t get her teeth sorted out when she had the chance, especially at the ‘normal’ age for it, when lots of other kids have braces too so nobody will take any notice. But ultimately if she’s unhappy about it when she’s older then she will know that it’s down to her own decision making and that you tried very hard to persuade her.

My two didn’t want them either but are thankful now that they’re in their thirties and have nice teeth. I made them do it and that was that. It’s funny bc they fought me with everything but for some reason let me take charge with this. Make her get them, she’ll appreciate later in life bc teeth move and it can worse.

How so? DD had Invisalign and they honestly were invisible. Even to this day we have close friends and family members who have no idea she ever had braces.

I'd let her choose but I'd make clear that the choice she is making is betwee free treatment, recommended by the NHS who don't offer it unless they consider there to be a medical need or no treatment, because there won't be a prettier free way to do it and she will need to fund it herself.

She’s just mentioned to me that she would wear a mask 24/7 should she get them - also, we’re private, so nothing mentioned by NHS. Thank you all for the lovely comments though!

@SALaw It’s specific to her because she’s incredibly insecure and already finds it hard to function because she has no close friends and nobody who ‘loves her’ outside of family. (her words)

I would try and persuade her. I refused to get them as a teen for the same reasons as your daughter and now as an adult its my biggest regret. I hate my teeth so much, they knock my confidence and I refuse to smile in photos. I can't afford to have braces now but I would do it in a heartbeat if I had the money.