For being rude to an old lady

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

Doing my food shop at m&s, I was rushing to pick someone up after. I needed some jam. Lady was in the way. I said “excuse me sorry can I just grab that” she just stood there so I proceeded to reach for the jam.

She gave me the most disgusting look I have ever recieved.

So because today has been a long day I said “ I did actually say excuse me and I did actually ask you to move out of the way” to which she responded “it’s such a me first attitude” I said “you do realise you’re in a supermarket. And you don’t own the supermarket. We all have places to be and people to see darling” and I walked off.

am I missing something here. Have I not used correct supermarket etiquette

Okay so you were rude to her due to stress. She was less rude, even though she could have been equally or even more stressed.
It's really not okay to take your mood out on other shoppers and I still don't understand why you couldn't wait a few seconds.

I think YABU

My mum is 80 and can't hear or process things as quickly as she once did, even though she wears hearing aids. So unless you get her attention by saying, excuse me, wait for her to look at you, THEN say, can I just get the jam, she wouldn't hear or process what you'd said. You might need to say either or both of these things twice for her to fully understand what you're saying, particularly in a noisy crowded supermarket.

Barely 60 is old lady now is it? Try telling that to Liz Hurley.

'Stress' Dear God! Stress over a jar of jam in M and S!

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum - it sounds very frightening for you both and I hope she's ok

It's true that you never quite know what's going on in someone's life. I guess the issue with your interaction with the MnS lady is that you have no clue what's going on in her life - nor her yours. I must admit I do get frustrated if someone is dilly dallying in front of a section in a shop when I need to reach for or find something (and I'm always in a rush), but I just politely say excuse me and reach round (and probably apologise, in a typically British way lol). Dirty look or not, I'd never speak to someone like you spoke to MnS lady - I try to keep a rule of thumb that if someone spoke to my parents or child in a way that'd tick me off, I won't to someone else's parent or child. I'll also add that as a sight impaired person, it might take me a bit longer to find what I want in a supermarket, so likely have been in the way myself. It's not me being rude or inconsiderate - I literally struggle to see (not ideal when I'm always in a rush!).

OP: When your own mum gets old and has a fall, or gets confused in the supermarket (or gets injured when going out running), someone will be patient, or help, or just have a chat.

When I take my elderly mum to the supermarket she wanders off, gets confused, stands in the middle of the aisle, asks random people where stuff is, spends ages looking for her sparks card and manages to get in the way of everyone. I often step back and watch her antics (because I want to see how well she functions) and I am always heartened by the goodness of the public, who are almost unfailingly sweet, patient and helpful.

When I visit, she often recalls little conversations she has with strangers when out shopping walking or waiting for the bus. People are good to older people.

People have done and will do that for your own mum when you are not at hand to help her. You'll also be like that too one day. Pay it forward.

Old?

Oh dear.

She looked at me. She definitely heard me.

No. People don’t help people. Two people walked past my mum who was bleeding profusely. I’m not saying that we should all be like that. But society now really isn’t caring.

Bet you wouldn’t talk to someone your own age like that, you’d get a smack !

Rude, people like you can be the tipping point for an elderly person to lose their 'going out' confidence and they become housebound.

Maybe she was a bit hard of hearing or a bit slower of mind than you. Whatever the reason you didn't come across as a nice person.

But society now really isn’t caring

It can be. You could be part of it.

I did vote YANBU, but after reading your other posts, your bad attitude becomes obvious, so I changed it to YABU. And 60 is not "old lady" territory.

OP it is very sad to hear your mum is recovering I hope she is ok that’s terrible what happened.

I think many of us have a lot on and I can only say for myself, I have unfortunately been more angry or upset when out in public and rushing around when I have lots on the plate. No one is perfect behaviour 100% of the time. I know when my toddler DD has been throwing a tantrum I find it annoying rather than helpful in the shops if people try to cheer her up. I know it doesn’t work and I may be brisk and rude when trying to move away. They must think I’m a dreadful mum. But that’s just an aside to say, we all have our approaches that to us at the time, seems right.

All the best to your mum 💐

Imagine OP, one day you will get old, dahling... and dither, and possibly be hard of hearing, menopausal, slower physically, and generally not the person you once were.

Imagine some younger person stands behind you, shouts rudely, tells you to do exactly as they say, then patronised you enough to make you feel even worse than you might already, and about 2 inches tall.

God forbid you get to be so old that you experience that, and I expect someone old most likely will have whacked you one with their shopping bag in a fit of rage before you get anywhere near being elderly.

As the "Sunscreen" song says, "Respect your elders, as you too will be old one day..."

Obviously, it's so that they can annoy people who are rushing. But what interests me is how you know they have so little time left to live. What are the signs of imminent death happening in the supermarket? We need to know.

This!

Yes, now people just push past people in the supermarket if they aren't moving fast enough for them. Pity society is that way.

yes!

Your big mistake OP was going to M and S in a rush. ASDA or Lidl fine, but if you want to shop in M and S you need to allocate the correct time.

And jam? Surely you mean conserve.

You were extremely rude.

She looked at you 😱

yes that certainly deserves rudeness, a rant and a thread on MN

well done you told her!!!!!

love the mention of her being old too that gives the thread an extra 👊

You were rude. And bringing in your mother’s accident is irrelevant. It’s frankly embarrassing that you have posted on MN assuming everyone will say the woman should have moved and that it’s fine to grab past someone. It’s not. You sound entitled and very happy with yourself.

You were very rude and entitled. On top of that, it’s your problem you were in a rush, and if it was so pressing, why was a jar of jam so important? And secondly, although you couldn’t wait 10 seconds politely for her to move, you had the 60 seconds to spare to complete your nasty, patronising little tantrum. Presumably you were taking out your ‘long day’ on this innocent stranger. What if she’d had a ‘long day’/bad news/has mobility or hearing issues?

You sound like a rude, selfish piece of work. Hope the jam is as sour as your attitude…

Guarantee if the OP had said it was a woman in the way with her 3 young kids all the comments would be very different, moaning about how entitled she was for taking up too much space and why was the supermarket a day out.