No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

YANBU. But did the kids whose parents didn’t bother to RSVP still get the party bags with a cupcake in? From a kids perspective that’s probably the only “food” they really cared about anyway (unless the food in the lunch boxes was stuff like crisps or chips/other junk). I agree they arent going to starve in the couple of hours till they go home and more and more people are trying to avoid waste now/plus the allergy issue.

You gessed it or a card 🤔

and presumably then you had to scrabble about trying to make 3/4 spares into 5/6 so the little darlings still got less than the others.

Really hate that some parents think their time is worth more than others and can’t be arsed to reply.

No party bags where made or given out at this party - just cupcakes with a napkin when leaving.

Yep dipping in to the older 'helpers bags' i.e. my older children's friends.

Every year since then if it's been at home I've had the local ice cream man come and do an ice cream for them at the end.
He wasn't avaliable for the party this time so I did cupcakes.

It isn't par for the course when it is made very clear on the invitation if you don't RSVP then there will be no food for your child.

The parents dropped their child off knowing full well it would mean their children wouldn't have any food. That's on them, not OP.

Absolutely not OP fault.
Couldn't warn as the free loader parents dropped and dashed. Extra food isn't just a waste but with boxes is a logistical nightmare. Been there done that.
OP let the freeloaders moan, you gave ample warning.

Well done for walking away, not sure I'd have the control.

youre right, how many do you over cater for which could very well end up as waste? Yes of course we could all do that, but in reality you go with the information you’ve got.

I had over catered for and it still has never covered the extra. My record is 20 invites, 15 rsvps, catered for 25 and 46 turned up…
parents must have known they’ve dropped the ball to not even have the decency to hand over and thank the parent / then turn up late for pick up.

I have had this and had 14 extra turn up, eat food and walk out with party bags (that yes I had made 8 extra), these went and the extra kids grabbed extra bags for their brothers and sisters. Actual invited kids had no bags and I had angry parents to handle. I don’t do full class parties anymore each year there was some CF.

I think that was a brilliant idea to cater individually to suit dietary needs and to keep costs down.
Damn rude of anyone to not RSVP despite being asked more than once and then to bitch about it when their kid didn't get fed.......tough!

it is made very clear on the invitation if you don't RSVP then there will be no food for your child.
The parents dropped their child off knowing full well it would mean their children wouldn't have any food. That's on them, not OP.

Actually, the parents wouldn't have known there'd be no food as they hadn't RSVP'd because they've come to expect that like the martyr mums posting here, the party-thrower would automatically provide extra with the potential waste and unnecessary expense that would entail.

If more mums said no RSVP no food, it would soon be understood there really wouldn't be any food.

As for the two extras whose mums dropped & dashed, OP gave them drinks and also a cupcake at the end. I'd bet their mums are habitual non-responders therefore maybe their children will nag them to respond so they'll get fed next time!

Wow,
That takes the biscuit completely. I've had gatecrashing, no shows but never that amount.

I'm taking the advise of a few PP on here (can't believe I hadn't thought of it, it's genius)

Next year there will be a date and time with for location please RSVP. I know its still not fool proof as parents talk, but then if they turn up it's blatantly taking the Mick. Although my son is up for playing bouncer and saying not on the guest list go away.

That's fair. I imagine they were shocked when OP actually went through with it.

I agree that more people should be like OP and refuse to enable such CF behaviour.

More than likely most of the parents who know about this would agree agree with op thinking it’s about time those pair of cheeky fuckers finally learned but didn’t have the gusto to actually do it themselves.

We don’t host parties where I make the food (ice skating package and stuff) these days so it’s always a case of if the child doesn’t rsvp they just anit getting into the venue let alone fed.

But maybe it should become a standard line, lack of response will mean no place or food.

Not that it should have to be because not responding should be understood as not coming also rude for not being arsed to even say “Thank you for the invite but Thomas is busy that day hope Olivia had a great day x”

It’s just standard professional practice - anything you organise, you do contingency planning

Parents were told there was no contingency plan in place. It said so on the invite

My son recently had a party.
Kids had lunch and snacks within their party gift bags, as no options for buffet.
Party bags were expensive!! (My choice, I know)
I made 2 extra full party bags up, including food, then a 3rd with just the food. Just incase.
Of course, 4 kids who hadn't RSVPd turned up.
Last 2 parents who arrived were absolutely livid.

Vegetarian?

I agree you were within your rights and gave fair warning but I would have felt terrible having kids at a party and not feeding them. The parents were completely in the wrong but it wasn’t the 7/8 yo kids fault x

It’s your child that’s going to be demonised as having that kind of mum 🤷‍♀️ If you’re fine with that, crack on

That's just it, isn't it? You go to a lot of effort and expense to entertain the children and then...

You get complaints from those who turn up unannounced at the last minute that there isn't any food for them;

You get complaints from those who did reply and then come, because there aren't enough food/party bags left for them - and if the kids brought up by entitled CFs were diving in to the table of party bags and thinking who else they could take extras for, who knows that they wouldn't have just taken however many you put out anyway? CFs are adept at seeing large quantities of things that have been bought with lots of people in mind or to stock up to last for a long time and thinking "there are loads; let's fill our boots";

And if you go to huge expense and get loads and loads of extras for all and every scenario, you'll be complained about and blamed for wasting so much food and criticised for not keeping a proper sense of proportion.

I also think it's very unfair the people saying that OP had budgeted for X amount of lunches and so shouldn't be mean and should provide X amount. When money is tight, stretching limited available funds to feed more people is entirely different from doing the same in order to feed a bin.

It's a birthday party, not an international conference. Contingency planning was chasing up non-responses and making it clear on the invitations (that everyone who attended must have read to know the date/time/venue) that no RSVP meant no food.

It won't be OP's child. It will be the children who turn up to parties unnanounced, without so much as a card and then aren't collected until late after.

If I was OP, I certainly wouldn't be inviting them to a party again.

I guess some people do everything well, others not so much 🤷‍♀️

I haven’t been to parties where that happens