No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

Yes parties that function has a list helps, although I’ve seen extra kids sneak through and invited kids were stopped as max number reached, then extras were found and venue asked them to leave and huffy parents ensued. Extra kids out in hallway creating merry hell, but you have done your bit.
By the time 2nd DC had their 6th party DH was battle scarred and refuses to do anymore (in a jokey way - he still does).
Previoulsy to hosting parties I’d always had this little dream of a perfect little party for all their class to enjoy, and there’s always something that goes wrong despite all the careful planning and over catering etc. You’d think paying for 32 kids to some soft play with food would be super lovely, but no because their siblings are not invited (I say yes please feel free to book your own extra spaces, and then it’s well they won’t get free pizza..ffs).
Now I’m just a bit more ballsy and don’t pander to everything as nothing ever goes right anyway, just do you and your DC.

I think there should be a thread of “worst party stories”…

For a HOUR?????

Get a fucking life.

It’s children they die if you don’t feed or water them every 10 minutes otherwise they act like mandrakes.

Very rude response, not necessary to swear.
The time isn't relevant, it's that some kids were treated differently through no fault of theirs.

I had earmuffs to hand completely by accident. Happy to report they must have been feed relatively recently, the mum however 😂

So you were prepared after all 😆

If you're going to pick at the OP's post, I should point out that it should be 'you were prepared.'

I’ve been on ops side since my first comment. Definitely not picked on her posts 🤷🏻‍♀️😭

edited it just for you lol

It was my earmuffs comment that was reference for being prepared.
@UndermyShoeJoe made a HP reference

Ah, apologies then.

Unlike the cf parents 🤣

Not necessary to make OP out as if she starved two children she wasn’t even made aware of even by their own parents because they decided to use OP as daycare without consent or consideration for their own kids’ safety.

The whole she should have made extra is ridiculous when she was clear about what was going on and those who cared, followed the rules. She made special boxes for each child she knew was attending with things she knew the child would eat given to her by parents who likely appreciated her efforts.

It’s always funny how posters will say that a host is YANBU when they make an effort when it is holidays or what not but when it comes to kids’ parties with clear instructions, yabu for not being a mind reader and providing for random children (who didn’t go home empty-handed) whose parents couldn’t bother to even do the standard of introducing themselves to the birthday child’s parents, which is concerning in itself.

Stuff like this is why I’m hesitant on throwing a birthday party and having to deal with parents like the OP described. I’ve seen how some allow their children to act at other birthday parties and I rather spend the money on some type of trip with a few mates than deal with such nonsense.

not relevant really but why the need to have so many children to a party? Seems OTT and unnecessary pressure. Also, how do 40 kids fit on a bouncy castle? I think it puts other mums who can’t afford that under so much pressure

Because people are allowed to throw their child whatever birthday party they like?

@Praying4Peace

The time isn't relevant, it's that some kids were treated differently through no fault of theirs.
No fault of OP either. Fault lies completely with their parents.

Who dumps their dc off with no warning with other people? This is effectively what they did. If after several prompts you don't answer you have communicated that you aren't coming.

We used to hire a play centre and invite the whole year in ks1.

Not my problem what other people can or cannot afford. Throw the party you want and can afford. Just like my children get expensive presents from Santa 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it puts other mums who can’t afford that under so much pressure

No it doesn't.

People put themselves under 'so much pressure' (if they choose to). It's nowt to do with anyone else.

Presumably for any local children who turned up and not just those on the roll?

So what would happen if everybody assumed that replying to an invitation was a pointless anachronism - and so nobody confirmed their attendance, preferring to ignore both the original invitation and a reminder?

The parents would obviously have no real alternative but to cancel the party - probably losing a lot of money in the process. You'd have one devastated birthday child, heartbroken parents and a whole load of disappointed children, maybe many with angry parents - not to mention any that just sent their child through and dashed away - to a stranger's party, who had booked the venue after it became free once the original parent had cancelled it.

But there's never really any need for anybody to bother to RSVP, is there...?

Point taken but I wouldn't feel comfortable with treating those children differently

Whole class parties make excluding a couple of members tricky generally.

I agree with your point, very much. I understand you repeated your point again a second time, I too have held many a party and felt very annoyed with extra's who didn't RSVP
HOWEVER
At 8 years old both of the children who were thrown in by the parent(s) could have told you if they had an allergy/vegetarian etc. So I would have, at the very least bought them a sandwich/drink cookie/drink something/drink, so they were not singled out and punished for their parent's ignorance/thoughtlessness!
I remember being 8 ( now in my 50's ) I would have remembered if this was done to me and how I was punished.

Of course they wouldn't have starved to death, of course they got to play at a party, but just 2 children out of all of the children were given nothing.

I would love to know what you said to the 2 children you left out, or did you simply ignore and say nothing?

Sorry? You lost me

You said it would be unimaginable at your school, so I presumed you were juxtaposing the case of OP's private party to a school activity.

Maybe they have a parent reply/consent form that some parents never fill in and return - but they say that it doesn't matter, as no child should have to miss out because of their parents' obstinacy or lack of interest?

Or were you just meaning because many of the invited children attended the same school? I don't believe this is a policy that all parents of children at the same school would speak on as one, is it? If that were the case, OP would never have sent requests to RSVP in the first place - and none of the other parents who did reply would have bothered either?

Did you read the thread??

OP provided the crashers with a drink and a cupcake.

I meant that I have been to about a hundred school parties now and I have never seen anyone be disrespectful about them. As in turning up late, or not bringing a gift or overstaying or not getting in touch with the host. It would just create problems in the school dynamic and no one would want that because it’s all very cordial and respectful there