No RSVP = No Food

[itsmeits]

Not the first bday party I've ever hosted for my kids but not many like this one left. Youngest turned 8 and had a bouncy castle party at local leisure centre. Up to 40 children.
Sent out invites 3 weeks in advance (due to party on Sunday after school holidays) asking for RSVP for the Sunday after they broke up. Week before party. 22 sent to school/after school club/ after school activities + 8 cousins were a defo yes.

Several got back to me that day confirming others in during the first week. Fab 👌 9 in all.
Sent a second invite to the 13 who hadn't RSVP'ed on the following Wed asking for an RSVP ASAP due to food allergies in the family and I was doing individual lunch boxes for each child and would like to make sure they had the perfect party lunch box.
I also put on the invites that once I got an RSVP I would provide food options for their party food box - this was put on both invites - NO RSVP = NO Food Provided.
6 more got in contact.
15 confirmed school
I provided food for 6 other siblings of parents that asked if they could come also due to childcare/non drivers and the travel time on PT. No issue with this - My DP worked shifts when mine where babies - sometimes I was that parent that asked! Or it wouldn't happen with travel logistics.
I had no contact details for the other 7. Due to full time work, I don't know the mums to grab them.
DD best friends mum did speak to one for me when shopping in the hols who text apologised and confirmed, they were coming. 2 more text, apologised said they had just found invite and could child still attend. Again said yes and let them pick food.

I now had 18 from school confirmed + 6 siblings and 8 family. Happy days.

Sunday (the party) I did the 32 Boxes and set up the party you guest it 2 extra rock up from school. Both Mums didn't stay were late dropped kids at door pointed over and ran. Children weren't fed. Mums were not happy when children told them when they Collected them - 15 mins late may I add.
I have held over 25 childrens parties over the years. Parents have not show up to expensive laser quest/ soft play/ bowling/ crazy golf/ escape rooms. Even with an RSVP people haven't shown. Grabbed 2 random kids at the later quest one to join no to lose out - still chat to the mum to this day.

One of the school mums I have known for 10+ years couldn't believe I said it and went through with it and didn't provide extra on the off chance. DD BF mum thinks it's hilarious and said she's doing same May!

It wasn't a buffet it was tailored boxes due to allergies - I am not putting my neice at risk. It also cost me less than a buffet doing the boxes for everyone. Also much less waste.

YABU - Should have done extra regardless, on the off chance
YANBU - Warning was given on invites, they turned up so mush have read it!

OP isn't a professional caterer; she's a mum throwing a party for her child and invited friends who have confirmed they are coming to celebrate with her child.

Do you cook three times as much Chrstmas dinner as you'll need for the people coming, just in case a bunch of your other extended family or friends turn up hungry?

That's exactly what these two parents did at OP's child's party. Have you not read the post?

Bravo on the FOB quote🤘🏻. Bloody great song that I’ll now be humming all day!

Instead of being that parent that dumps and runs with no contact info and turns up late.

I have no issue if she is demonised for having a mum with strong boundaries, that won't take the feckless parents crap - especially when the rest know the feckless were told.

Yep. And for some parents the only way they learn is for them to realise they've upset their own kids by their flakey behaviour

Lol! Are you talking about yourself? Surely you know that self praise is no recommendation.

The op didn't make the kids feel shit. Their parents did. Lay the blame where it belongs

I would always have extra meals in case I’d miscounted, a sibling unexpectedly turned up or we got the wrong food. That is always done in my circles. I can’t imagine saying no rsvp no food. Goodness me. It’s just very crass. But that’s how you roll so that’s fine. Let’s just agree to disagree

The children asked and I told them I didnt know they were coming as there mums hadn't told me their favourite butty filling. So unfortunately I didn't have one.
One child responsed 'yeah mum does that she forgets to order my school lunches to'

I am not blaming you in the slightest. You were more then clear and gave the parents several opportunities to respond so you could prepare.

I think it's really awful that these parents can't be bothered with their kids. It seems that the party is just the tip of the iceberg. This is simply neglect. I wish there were harsher consequences for these parents. Assholes!

What on earth is that supposed to mean? How is it 'not doing something well' to make sure that everybody who has confirmed they will be coming to a private function is suitably catered for?

Do you not think that turning up and dumping your child at a party after ignoring two requests to RSVP - when the consequences of not doing so were clearly outlined - and then turning up late to collect them, without even bringing a present or even a card, are very very much not doing parenting well?

Or are you just looking to blame OP for everything regardless?

But it isn't crass to not RSVP, drop your child off anyway knowing that the invite said no RSVP no food, not even have a card for OP's child and then to pick up your child late and then complain that your child didn't get any food?

Where did this idea that kids need to be fed every hour on the hour or they turn into starving Dickensian orphans even come from?

This is entirely on the parents.

Yes, absolutely. I always think that in the many stories of CF parents who dump their kids on other adults for childcare without warning, or tell them to go over to Elsie's mum for a lift somewhere, without ever having spoken to, much less arranged anything with, Elsie's mum.

I get that this kind of people won't care about the awkwardness or inconvenience for parents whom they only know in passing; but they also clearly don't care one bit about their own kids either when they foist them on to anybody they can without any plans, arrangements or expectations.

They don’t, but it’s a birthday party! Those commonly involve ‘treat’ food.

It's my previous experience that led me to take this approach this time around. Doesn't mean you have to agree with me, I can also see it from yours and other posters sides.
I don't regret my choice.

It's been interesting to see others points on it that are not directly involved 😊

I knew no extra siblings were going to show. I'd spoke to all that RSVPd and knew the amount attending. I knew siblings would have to attend for at least 2 parents due to family set up. Hence the not inviting to full capacity, I'd semi factored this in.
Plus if something had changed they could have text and informed me before.

That's what I was thinking too after I posted this. I wonder if they simply dropped off the kids at the party to have free child care. Also, they could have fed their kids afterwards. However, they were banking on not needing to do that since they expected the kids to just get food at the party.

Sometimes I really wonder why some people have kids.

I would have done a few extra personally (but it tends to be the case here that people just turn up rather than rsvp!)

But I don’t blame you at all, and TBH you went to a lot of effort to remind people and get the RSVPs.

Out of interest, did you tell parents they could leave the kids or were they expected to stay?

I guess some people do everything well, others not so much 🤷‍♀️

What a snide dig at OP for not falling in line with what you'd do! OP gave several opportunities to RSVP, and followed up, and warned no food for non-RSVP-ers who showed up regardless. That, in most people's book, is doing everything very well indeed.

And they got a cup cake.

They weren't expected, hadn't brought a present or even a card, and were picked up late, delaying the OP. Being upset of the lack of a sandwich is OTT. Now sure, it's their parent's fault, but they got to play. I'd not be inviting them again.

If you’re so concerned about allergies then why did you give them the cupcake?

I get the frustration. We’ve all had no-shows and it’s cost us time and money. Would I not give a kid a lunch box at a party? No, because that would make me an even bigger *** than the parent who hasn’t RSVP’d.

I’m not arguing about it. I totally understand that it’s not cool to not rsvp but everyone is busy and there are several parties every weekend so it’s easy to miss something. I’m just saying I could t imagine having guests turn up and then saying you didn’t rsvp so there’s no food. I’d have some extras just in case to guard against that. It’s like she’s deliberately trying to abrupt and prove a point here. I think that’s very crass and an easy way bro make enemies - I would generally want to make enemies at school for obviously reasons. That is all

This is one of the reasons why we pick venues where a receptionist signs children in and out, so those who haven’t rsvp’d aren’t allowed in as they’re not on the list. We had four not rsvp to a party at London Zoo, weirdly they could all then read my phone number on the invite to complain via text, yet somehow couldn’t text to rsvp.

Quite, and this lot managed to make their way to the venue....

Let them be livid. Remind them they didn't rsvp, they were the rude ones. Your budget isn't limitless unlike theirs apparently.

Actually love this ... and it's clearly the solution. A literal 'gatekeeper.