Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Well, presumably you are getting paid to do a job, and that is why you should bother!? Parents, contrary to the belief of most teachers, are actually autonomous beings who can both educate and parent as they see fit, and appropriate to their child, who they know best. I agree with others on the thread that most homework is just nonsense. My children could read before they went to school and continue to do so every night, at a level they enjoy. The school reading books are a joke and the homework laughable. 'Write this week's spelling words out 7 times in the colours of the rainbow', for example. I would ask them how to spell the words and what the colours of the rainbow are. Takes about a minute, then they get to go and play/ do sports/ spend time with family/ cook/ go on outings/ play music etc, all of which are much more beneficial and lead to well rounded children. Few people would disagree that these things are important aspects of family life, yet we're expected to also fit in a couple of hours a weeks of 'homework'. I think that parents, as perfectly capable adults, can assess ourselves the value of that time and what else it could be used for. I certainly do!

I do engage (fully) but find it a real struggle :

both parents work

kids have after school activities

the school ask for so many things alllll the time ! It feels too much sometimes

if my kids are too tired for homework (they are very young) I’ve learned that there is zero point forcing it !

What utter bollocks. I barely went to primary school for a variety of reasons.

I was top three of my class for all of high school and got all As and Bs at GCSE.

Recognising homework in Year 1 is nonsense has zero to do with performance in high school examinations 🙄

Surely all you’re giving out is the spelling list? Is it not the same for all the children? My eldest did spellings without complaint so I did practice them with him but I imagine my youngest will be trickier to convince and to be honest I don’t think I’d let a 5 year old be in tears over spelling. Reading every day is great and we did that but not always the school book provided. Keep giving them out as the kids may be reading them but the diary not filled in.

I feel like school in the 80s and 90s was really laid back compared to now, but managed to produce some exceptional and resilient people.

Perhaps the pressure and targets on our children now are, I don’t know, not really working.

Primary schools didn’t hand out homework at all when I was there. We read in school, we read at home. We had spellings once we got to age 8 or so.
Homework in secondary, but very much with an attitude of the onus being on us to work and not on the teachers to make us work. If we failed that was 100% on us.

Also a motivated child can fetch their homework book and sit and do the next page themselves, or after minimal prompting - if they have to wait while the parent finds the tablet, loads the app, downloads and prints the sheet, then they aren't actually learning the things such as self-discipline and time-management that is the entire point, are they?
And they also have no control over or even visibility of whether their parent has correctly photographed and uploaded it to hand it in, once they have done it, so again, feel no responsibility for the outcome after they put down the pencil.

My daughter is in year 1 and she has to read three times a week and stay in the green on DoodleMaths. Children who aren't engaging in these activities will do in school during playtime. I know a few parents who aren't happy about it but is the schools homework policy and maybe something they should have looked into before sending them there. To be honest phonics reading takes about 10 minutes and maths takes about 10 minutes so it's not really a big hardship for us and my daughter seems to enjoy it which probably helps a lot.

Indoor shoes? Gym kit? Pencil cases? Are you at a UK state school? Strange.

we read lots together at home but school books are bland and uninspiring so we read non-school books. My aim is to foster a love of reading. Kids have always read a couple of years above their age and they naturally spell quite well. I’m not convinced by the effectiveness of dry spelling practice, I’m sure there are better ways to learn.

Parents like me think anything other than reading practice at age 6 is a waste of time and, worse, the hassle of making our kids do it risks creating a poor relationship with child. After school kids are tired! They want to talk to their caregivers not fight, to vent and play to let off steam and relax. That is all.

Also I firmly believe in work life balance for families

You never know. I have never informed our children's school/s about my physical condition or what it means for our daily life. Not an information the school need or something I need them to judge me as being lazy on.
We stay on top of school work and demands but tbh most people including school know very little about how things are around the different homes or what parents struggle with.

Lazy, lazy parenting. Teachers have time to put in 10 hour days for your children. We went on strikes (and had lost wages) not just for ourselves, but to lobby for more money for schools. Shame on you.

Perhaps rather than say you don’t know why you bother, focus on those children and parents who do the right thing. I don’t mean ignore those who can’t be bothered but it’s not the fault of those who do the right thing.

I work and have 2 primary age school children, one in year one. My year one child on a Friday has a read a book to read, spelling practice and we talk through her maths quiz results. I am absolutely shattered. Really the last thing I want to do is support them with their homework. However, I remember being in 6 form and volunteering to support year 7 children to read, basically by listening to them read and helping with difficult words because their didn't have someone at home who could/would do this. It is my role as their mother to support them with their learning and it most certainly makes a difference.

Oh yes, but not for teachers though eh?

I have noticed this too. I think there are lots of reasons;

1. Both parents working and not having the time to consider homework or organisation as much as they previously did.
2. Homework is often seen as a tick box activity rather than it being a worthwhile. It is often is completely pointless!
3. Lots of distractions for the children that are more interesting than doing homework. Screen time.
4. Homework can be overwhelming for lots of them after a full day at school. Particularly SEND students.
5. Schools seem to have become a centre of constant activity! World Book Day, Maths Day, Sports Day, bake sales, other charity days etc.If a parent has more than one child they’re probably fed up of the constant information and expectation. It all needs toned down!
6. Breakdown in school/parent contract.

To be honest, schools would do teachers a massive favour if they stopped making us set it! It’s an absolute ball ache to set and chase up.

It interests me that all these exhausted and overwhelmed people have time to add quite detailed comments to a mumsnet thread.

Did I say they were lazy? It's all about priorities.
It goes without saying that if you don't have time for a TV show or have major issues at home then you won't get the homework done.
Just tell the teacher so they can help by removing it. It's so easy to blame the teacher.

You're not making sense. You wish you could set less homework so you obviously agree it isn't needed, but you say the kids will suffer if it isn't done and you hound their parents for it.

Homework jn Y1? Give it a break!
my DC never had homework until Y3 and is an excellent student. Just ask the parents to read and that’s enough.

Yeh I work in a school and I see much less involvement from parents. Not just reading and homework but the general supporting if school events, ptfa stuff (which obvs is raising money for nice things for the kids!) it's disheartening.

I was always involved and my kids always do their homework. For my yr 2 child that's reading, weekly spelling (on paper!) and daily doodle maths which I like. She likes it too. That seems like right level.

I have two older kids and make sure they do their homework. I still organise/remind me 13 year old.

I work now, but school hours so I have time in the afternoon after activities to find the mental headspace to support them.

I see an increase in working mums from when my eldest was little to my current youngest.

But I definitely think there's been a big erosion in respect for school/teachers/education generally since 2020.

Prints the sheets? Lots of families don't have a printer. Game over.

I do engage fully with school, I talk to the teacher to explain how my children are feeling, check in and make sure everything is going well, they always come with everything needed etc. I also actively discourage my primary school aged children to worry about homework. We read the books they like to read at home; we have a large selection and go to library to choose new ones, I like to immerse them in the process. I don’t feel school is very good at creating a love of learning or encouraging natural curiosity, so I work hard at home to undo some of the damage I feel is done at school and let them have autonomy at home.

No I differentiate the spelling words for ability.