Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

I work in NHS is this a competition?

Yup I understand that. The current primary curriculum is rubbish. And doesn't foster independent thought or curiosity for learning.

I'm with you 100%. My daughter is in P3 and her reading books bore us both stupid. They're absolutely ancient guff about Biff, Chip and Kipper. Lots of parents have complained and we've been told they're "investigating getting a new reading scheme". We still read them but she also reads independently. The writing practice is mainly writing out words by rote when in my opinion she should be writing little stories and things.

Tbf it was started at 7pm and it is now 8.30pm - prime time for parents to sit down and scroll briefly between kids' bedtime and evening chores, but not really a useful timeslot available for doing any homework with a six-year-old.

I am talking about the spelling really being a bit of a waste of time. I definitely think the extra reading practice is of huge benefit, especially for those who are struggling.

DD in Y1 has reading and spelling and occasionly homework, she is very obliging so no problem getting her to do any of it. DD Y3 is just exhausted at the end of the school day, she can manage spellings and homework (over the weekend) but the fuss she kicks up about reading every night (she does have SEN). With working full time, ferrying them around to clubs, tea, bath and bed it's just not always feasible to get it all done but we do try our best. We do read with her but school books are always an issue. She doesn't always have everything she needs in school though.

Just make the additional homework optional, majority of primaries do that.

Iam knackered ( teacher )
don’t want tantrums at home
homework is pointless
forget

I support whole heartedly with dress up day and fund raising
support behaviour and general attitude to learning and school
and thank the teacher and buy her a nice present

I always feel if it's multiple people doing it, some part of a system is wrong, not the individuals.

Our school has so many different platforms for communicating, yet they don't cover the basics and convey much through our kids, who miss context and nuance to convey it accurately.

The kids are exhausting and can't handle more homework.

The school then asks random shit like four different outfits and saps away whatever time we had to devote to whatever they want us to be doing.

All their electronic systems are a massive pfaff and have tons of games built in. My kids can't navigate them without adult help. Then when they're in, they use the social functions instead of the drilling knowledge that's supposed to happen.

The school tries to get involved in stuff they have no business with, like telling my kids they are not allowed to watch TV in their other mother tongue (which is a minority language where we live).

Unbelievable

I disagree with mandatory homework for primary school aged children. If they want to complete it, wonderful. However with my DC I offer several times weekly to complete homework sheets with them (DS 8, DD 6); if they want to do it, we do as much as they are willing, if they do not, I won't force it.

We read together daily, but admittedly I'm rubbish at remembering to sign their reading record. That being said, I read with them because we enjoy it, not to appease the school, so I suppose I would be better at remembering if I felt it was important.

In terms of supporting their education, we do loads of things that support their school based learning. I print and laminate games from the likes of Twinkl which support their current maths and phonics topics/phases, we play scrabble, Rummikub etc that embed maths and reading, we cook and bake using recipes so they're using real life maths and reading skills. We visit museums, science centres etc and go to organised, educational sessions put on by our local library.

It's not that I don't care about their educational development, but they are both neurodivergent, and find school exhausting. I don't want to put more pressure on them by doing overtly school style activities at home. I choose to support them in ways that feel more comfortable for them at home. I speak regularly with their teachers on account of their SEND needs, and will work on the things they are struggling with at school, for example DD and I just made some fridge magnets together to help her work on her number bonds. I support the school in a way that works for my children.

I’d probably simplify that if you can then. I think my DC’s class had two lists- more complicated and the simpler ones. No need to do 30 different lists.

It interests me that all these exhausted and overwhelmed people have time to add quite detailed comments to a mumsnet thread

People are answering the OPs question, it is not necessarily their own experience. I have been at home it dc since 3:30 and 5pm so we have done reading & spellings already.

Our school specifically forbids you taking pencil cases in. Even ks2 rarely have them at first.

Its very unusual in ks1. Schools provide pencils.

Because we do not care about your goals and targets.

I never write in the stupid book, though I do read with my son.

Like fuck would I be doing homework for primary school.

Sometimes I forget stuff. So shoot me.

You goals and government set targets are not my priority.

Okay, but you've repeatedly talked about sending reminders and chasing up other homework. Why?

That might be better aimed at the government who has enforced more and more targets for teachers to meet?

Yes. My own kids school is the same, I thought it was standard, it is in any school I've worked in. Maybe not the indoor shoes, our playground is particularly muddy. What do kids do PE in it not a PE kit? Who does Smiggle sell all its pencil cases to if it's so strange! 😂

Completely agree. I am a super engaged parent but a child with significant additional needs plus a full time job means you can be on the go from 6am to past 10pm without even having a second to consider homework.

Lazy, lazy parenting. Teachers have time to put in 10 hour days for your children. We went on strikes (and had lost wages) not just for ourselves, but to lobby for more money for schools. Shame on you.

😆

Often it's the kids that are exhausted, not the parents.

And the parents might not be too exhausted to make them sit down and write their spelling words. But figure out in the written agenda what platform the homework is set on this time, find a laptop, install the child, find the password, navigate the kid doing this, and so on and so on just had 100 steps for the process to break down and is much more parent-intensive than it ought to be.

And this is part of the problem. Teachers seem to have a bit of a chip on their shoulder about how much they work (possibly with reason I won't pretend to know) and this unfortunately comes across badly to parents who can be working equally as long or longer hours quite often for less pay.

So when the teacher starts asking "why hasn't Jonny got his indoor shoes", "why haven't you been able to provide food for our allergy friendly Roman Buffet with two days notice" it can cause a breakdown in the teacher parent relationship that then extends to the parent engaging with the school.

The main thing I am chasing up is bringing reading books into school so we can read them as part of our lessons and do the comprehensive work on them. And obviously actually returning them so the next child can be given it.

Smiggle isn’t really essential school things though.

And by the way, all this fluff about how not completing homework will set them back blah blah blah… they are at school for 6 hours at least 5 days a week - they do not need to be coming home and doing more work.

My eldest didn’t attend school until year 5. We home educated and were very much child led… he’s now in year 7 and in top sets for Maths, English and science. He scored above “average” in every single subject expect music in his first mid term exams. We definitely did not do 6 hours a day of formal learning and certainly no home work. What we did do was encourage his curiosity, let him read and research what interested him for as long as he wanted to and start school when he was ready to learn formally.