Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

If you are a teacher with 20 years experience I am surprised you need to ask.

I’m not being difficult but why is it a big deal?

So you set it and they either do it or they don’t. I actually teach myself and of all the hard things about the job homework not being completed is really so unimportant as to be insignificant.

I struggle where the school uploads materials to an app, then I need to check the app and try to print it off. It’s just a bridge too far for me when I’m busy and exhausted, then forget to keep up the app. Then I remember and feel completely overwhelmed by all the material. I wish the children could just be given physical homework books. I would find that so much easier to manage.

I really bloody hated primary school homework (and I used to teach infants myself) - but the battle over the "must read X book three times before it can be changed" shite, combined with the ridiculousness of only having so many book bands in the classroom and not letting the kids go to another room to get a higher (or lower) banded book if needed... was a total pain in the arse for very able reader DD1 who blasted through whatever Biff and Chip shite it was and did not see the point of reading it another few times. We only got allowed to read beyond the book bands in the classroom after I point blank said I was not going to push her to repeatedly read a book she could both decode, and answer questions about the meaning of the book and she'd be reading other stuff if they didn't sort it out... then she was allowed to go into another year group to get a different banded book. Bloody ridiculous nonsense.

After endless topic homework which was never looked at, sat in the corner of the classroom and came back home - we started half-arsing that completely and doing the bare minimum (although if I found a quick way to do it - like "print out and make this paper model" I would send a copy of it in for the teacher if they could make use of it as an extension activity or for similar) just because it got nuts.

My kids always read, they always read to this day - but I lost the fucking will to live thinking about a comment about how well they trudged through the school reading book each night for the bloody reading diary (which invariably lost a fight with a leaky waterbottle and ended up a soggy disintegrated mess), so sometimes it got ticked and not filled in properly cos, having kids who were at the very upper end of the class in terms of reading (I used to go in and hear readers - I know where they sat in the class for that reason), they were really low on the teacher's radar in terms of needing to be checked up on in school time.

I know I am known as this type of parent by my children's teachers.

Truth is I am just absolutely exhausted. I am a single parent, juggling work and everything else. I have a long commute and work full time to try and keep a roof over our heads and the kids fed and clothed,

It's not because I don't care about schooling or my children, I care about them so much and wish I could do everything.

By the time I get home, dinner, activities (they play sport but not every evening, still a struggle), bath, bedtimes and house stuff I don't have the mental capacity to add extra into the mix.

I forget so many things to do with to school and other areas of life just trying to stay afloat!

My kids sometimes do their reading and homework at after school club which they are at every evening but not always. I always say they have a choice, their life is tough enough and long days for them.

And yes I forget which days to return things too because I just do, even if it's the same day every week. Sometimes I don't even know what day I'm on and we are lucky to just get out of the house appropriately dressed and get to work and school on time.

I have a reception aged child who I try to read to the nights I have her (co-parenting). While I do this her older big brother, who is diagnosed autistic, will usually be shouting, dancing, climbing and trying to talk to me, asking questions about unrelated things.

After that I still have to get her to sleep plus her big brother, who doesn’t fall asleep till gone ten. After a day at work I’m exhausted by then and go straight to sleep myself. I don’t feel like writing out a book. I do make sure they both have all the equipment they need though. For my older Sen child his teacher has told me not to worry about homework. He’s not following the work the rest of his class is doing.

If you set spellings on a Monday then test on a Friday then lots of kids won’t have practiced because they are in childcare after school. You would probably get better scores (if that was the goal) if you test on a Monday because the kids have time to practice over the weekend but as it’s an affluent school, they may go away for the weekend instead.

I used to find signing reading records pointless too.My kids were at schools where they picked reading books so knew whether or not they read it before. Even in Reception, it was very rare that they brought home a book they had already read. In the end I only put what pages they read but a bookmark would have done the same job. When they were ready to move up the teacher or TA would tell them what box to choose books from and they were able to do that when necessary. If you assume that kids aren’t reading because the reading record isn’t signed then that might not be the case.

That's fine, but just tell me to stop giving them homework and I will rather than me wasting time preparing it and chasing it up.

I hear what you are saying and it sounds like you and your kids have lovely adventures outside of school time.
At the same time, I do wonder how we can support teachers as parents - especially as there is a bit of a crisis in holding on to good teachers. I’ve been really impressed with all of my kids’ teachers to date. How they plan multiple different subject lessons across the day; adapt learning for different children’s needs; keep 30 little people entertained and engaged; stay nurturing and with good humour (my DS sometimes comes home telling me of something his teacher said which made him laugh); read with them; write little notes in their books; chat to parents at pick up; go home, do more planning and marking and/or wake up early morning and do more planning and preparation and photocopying… and then have the energy to do it all again - honestly I have a great deal of respect for them and want to show support and gratitude for what they do for my DS. Sometimes he’ll come home and tell me with enthusiasm about something he’s learnt which he would never in a million years have learnt from me!

Well then if they don't know they can formally opt out, they're not going to formally opt out, are they?!

I often wonder how children who have been taught to disregard primary school cope in high school and studying for exams.

We encouraged our girl to ignore primary school homework. It was stressful for her and she didn't need to do it. The school never mentioned any lack of homework.

She has just passed her prelim exams with all As. We still don't get involved with her homework unless she asks for help. She has her study planner on the wall and spends whatever time she needs to studying.

We have always spoken to her about making meaningful effort, not just doing something for the sake of doing it. Working towards a goal in a way that supports it. Time is short so spend it wisely.

It isn't compulsory to send children to school in the UK, just to educate them - you could do it your way full time by home educating if you choose to (in a hypothetical world where your household can support a parent not working to provide the childcare and facilitate the education).

Most parents have time for their phones and to watch their favourite shows. Surely they can take a minute to sign their child's reading record after listening to them read.
The homework is reading and spellings for those of you complaining that it's too much.
If you're currently not doing the homework, let your teacher know not to send it home. It's a simple request but harder to admit you're not willing to put in 5 minutes effort to help your child read their school level book aloud each day.

If you don't have time or they're too advanced or SEN, then tell the teacher and they can adjust or remove the task. It's a simple fix but some people prefer to complain about the teacher's unrealistic expectations. The teacher isn't a mind reader and is left wondering why it isn't being done.

My dd5 has ASD and is behind in reading. She refuses to read her school books, but we do weekly workbooks and phonics practice over the weekend to help her catch up. I take every opportunity to get her to read a word when I can. The reason I think she won’t read, despite loving being read to, is that the books she’s sent home with are boring. ASD kids often have interest-focused brains, and I feel she’s just not engaged with them.

She tries so hard all day at school and finds learning difficult, so on weekends, I reward her efforts to keep her motivated and help her catch up.

She was sent home with homework, and we completed half of it, but she just couldn’t finish everything—it was a lot. I thought she had handed it in, but I later found it at home. In hindsight, I think I should have handed it in myself.

I read with my son every night and do maths games regularly too, so I am supporting his learning, but i woudn’t do homework with him until he’s older (I deliberately chose a no homework primary school). And I would struggle if he had to take a book in and out every day, that would be a real pain. We read our books at home and he reads the assigned school reading books in school. He has a reading record to fill in what he’s been reading at home which we do usually manage to get done but he only has to take it in once a week. Anything more than that I would just not get done! It’s really hard even getting that done when there’s two kids (he has a 3 year old sister) and I’m a single parent, and we only have a couple of hours from getting home until sleeping, which is all taken up with a bit of down time, eating, bathing, and bedtime.

But how would you expect the parents to know how to opt out? I've never considered that opting out formally is an option... How would you even opt out? I would assumr not doing it is the opting out.

Some parents don't value education, others think school is basically a magic wand and do not realise that early learning happens all the time, and yes spellings, reading etc you embed into everyday life

This used to happen in some schools before Covid. In my experience it's a mixture of not placing any value on education, they know the school will provide stuff so they don't need to bother, and laziness. It's low level neglect imo. I feel so sorry for those children.

It has to compete with the dopamine hits of internet now for both children and parents.

University's premium has eroded due to fees and will get worse with AI so much less incentive to go the extra mile

Spellcheckers mean spelling is particularly unimportant.

50:50 custody means children spend more time with unengaged parent and engaged parent has no child support to help out

But there are loads of things kids don’t want to do; brush their teeth, eat vegetables, get up early etc. It is our job as adults to encourage them to do so because it builds in good habits. I understand if a child has SEN there may be extensions or less quantity.

Well why are children in year 1 getting homework ? Seems pretty insane. Also times are hard and parents are all probably working harder, longer and for less money than they ever have and maybe just want to enjoy spending time with their children in the evenings.

I'm surprised at what some of the children mentioned here have to do! My child is in year 1 and he doesn't get homework in any form. He gets a reading book once a week which is optional. I find the idea of uploading homework, giving multiple activities a night and so on pretty crazy. We do plenty at home with him, but I really wouldn't be happy with that level of homework for a 6 year old.

I diligently do the school reading daily with my two (yr 2) but, sorry, any other homework and spelling tests are complete BS at this age. We cook, craft, go to museums and galleries, have days out and imaginative play, learn card games etc. I work 45hrs a week and I will absolutely not be wasting my free time with my kids on ineffectual homework.

Many parents never have time for a tv show. It's so easy to judge people as lazy.

Of course. But there are lots of parents who don’t fit into those categories and don’t engage in school