Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

I worked full time from my kids being little. I just didn’t want my kids missing out of reading time as this was their favourite thing they would look forward took. I put the ironing as second priority and either did this when they were in bed after reading or Saturday morning before they woke up. Why is that wrong??

I don't think you're wrong, again with the caveat that every family can have its ups and downs. But you say most families don't oblige.
All those with early risers with 2 hours before school saying their kids are too tired later, the obvious solution is to do in the morning?

@ThriveAT my parents read to us every night as kids and we loved it. Unfortunately my child hates it and won’t tolerate it, their diagnosis probably plays into that. Disappointing but that’s life I guess.

That sounds like very poor planning indeed if children are forced to go out onto muddy ground during their break because there is an insufficient playground area for all the children.

Schools usually complain (often quite rightly) that the playing fields have been sold off for development, but here it seems that you are bemoaning the fact that the playing fields are too big.

"I can't get over how people think it's such a big deal to provide..."

I think that it's largely about cultural expectations. Many parents grew up without the expectation of their own parents providing two sets of shoes or providing pencils and other equipment at primary school (or see that parents in other schools currently are not expected to provide them).

They then say "My parents never had to provide that for me" / "I see parents at other schools don't have to provide that". Which then leads on to "So why should I have to provide that when I expect the school to provide that".

This is just the culture in the UK. In other countries, the culture is different and these things are expected.

For a couple of years when our DC were in Year 7 and 8 we lived abroad in East Asia. Not only was it a cultural expectation to have indoor shoes for school, but the DC were also expected to help clean the school each day (that came as a huge shock to our DC!).

But, that is the culture in that country, not what it is in this country.

@bakebeans i do iron after they sleep. The reality is they can’t stay awake long enough. Bath and dinner then off to bed and they are out like a light. No time for anything.

I am a teacher who doesn't set homework and my own children don't get it either. It makes life so easier all round! If your pupils are reading every day in class, why not just keep their reading books in school and sack off the homework?

Yep I get that. Sometimes that would be the case.

Mine was in before and after school club - pick up at 5.45 pm - from the age of 4

My DC was an avid reader - just didnt like Biff, Chip and Floppy but complied in school. We always had bedtime stories. It took me an hour every night to comb the nits out of both our hair before the bedtime story though. Something school did nothing about.

I don't believe in homework for primary age. Wait until the children are old enough to take responsibility for it themselves. Then it can be a useful way for them to learn about planning work and studying independently. At primary it's just busy-work for parents.

I didnt say it was wrong, merely that your lack of understanding that other people, who also work FT, may not have a choice between ironing (seriously?! Who the hell still does that?!) and reading with their kids is lacking in empathy and somewhat smug. For me it was choice between cooking and feeding said kids or reading. Which do you think was more important?

Do you really know the reason for strikes though? It’s not just for fairer pay. It’s for more money for schools. The government awarded a pay rise but not from their budget, each school Has to fund the pay rise themselves meaning less money for staff, resources etc. most schools don’t have a TA per class anymore. Do you know how difficult it is to teach a class with just yourself in the room, thinking about all the different needs, behaviour challenges and admin things? Pencils having to be used to the final centimetre because there is no budget for basic resources. Teachers spending their own money on things like glue etc. so when you say you have lost respect for schooling so don’t really bother it’s a real kick in the teeth when teaching staff are struggling and are literally on their knees.

This is such a great idea - can I vote for you?!

I agree with reading and that is something that can be done together but any other homework for a Year 1? No.
They are exhausted at the end of a long school day and need downtime and to spend time with their families.

Thinking the same very tired parents who don’t check or treat nits, are same ones don’t give a fark about schoolwork and don’t pick up dog poop.

When I was at primary school (Scotland) we had to bring in our own pencils, pens etc. I was shocked when we moved to England and they were being provided by the school. I actually think it would be a good thing if children were expected to bring in their own pencil case. Apart from saving money for the school, it will teach them to look after and respect property.
It's interesting that the Op is getting a hard time about the idea of inside and outdoor shoes. When my dcs first started at their primary school in England, the new headteacher had decided to do away with indoor shoes because of the 'faff'. Parents were up in arms because they understood indoor shoes meant a cleaner school. That was over 15 years ago so a very different generation of parents. The Op is right that having the whole school stick to the concrete playground in the winter months is problematic. Again you need to work in a school to understand that so why not just trust the teachers on what works best?

Not sure what dog shit has to do with anything but ok........

I couldn't be a teacher and deeply respect those that do the job.

My year 2 child attends a school in what sounds like a similar area to where you work. We find the expectations too process, rather than outcome oriented, but thankfully have a teacher who agrees and let us get away with a lot.

Daughter can read treasure island/hobbit level books fluently and enjoys reading for up to an hour and a half per day independently. The original expectation was for us to fill in her reading diary 5 X weekly and for her to draw pictures from the books she has read. In all honesty, we list the books she has read in the diary every month or 2.

The lack of engagement isn't due to lack of caring, We find the diary entries are distracting and irrelevant. We have a child who is self-motivated to read, and is fluent/independent. I think that in itself is enough.

Homework, though. Always get that in on time but would probably ignore most projects. We both work full time and want to spend time as a family without miscellaneous 'school bullshit' (sorry - husband's expression not mine) to attend to.

Interesting. When I grew up in the States, we were given a list of school supplies each years that parents had to buy. It included pencils, writing tablets, safety scissors, glue, crayons, etc. in primary school, and pens, protractors, a calculator, rulers, etc for secondary school. Teachers suppled very little, though would supplement budgets out of their pocket for decorating the classroom. Of course, we didn’t have uniforms to buy, and there were hardship funds/donations for parents who needed help buying school supplies.

Also, no homework till about age 9 or so…had to learn multiplication tables and spelling words to practice. I also had to memorise the locations of the 50 states and state capitals, and we would drill in class. No serious homework until middle school.

NO.
I chose to iron at a suitable time when my kids were in bed. I preferred to read them a story.

You sound like you had no choice but to iron! We always have a choice when to iron!
Nothing smug about it at all

I made it perfectly clear that I do not iron at all, and frankly dont understand why anyone does as there is no need.

I said that I had a choice between coming home from work and feeding the kids a decent dinner, or coming home from work and listening to them all read.

Due to my job and their ages, it was one or the other, but never both. So I ask again, which was more important? And to forestall your next question....single parent.

To misquote Darth Vader, your lack of empathy is disturbing.

You’re sending the message that you’re a little too full on. Drop the homework. They’re only year 1. It’s not necessary in the great scheme of things and creates more problems than it’s worth. You’ll then get the parents to take the other messages far more seriously. They’ll treat what you say with far more respect if you don’t over egg the pudding as it were.

I have one child in Y1 and another in secondary school. I work full time, but make sure my child in secondary school has done their homework and help if needed. For my younger child, I make sure he has all the kit/equipment needed, and try hard to make sure his reading/phonics practice is done. However, he's autistic and it's very much based around how he is any given evening. I flatly refuse to force the issue when he's exhausted or overwhelmed - it doesn't work and I don't want to put him off. What he will do is read something else of his choosing - which is frequently above the level at which his school reading books are. What I find frustrating is that this doesn't seem to count, even when noted in his diary. Surely some reading is better than none?

I do understand your frustrations though, from the posts you've made. You just want the best for your students. My two eldest children weren't at school when so many things were online - this seemed to work so much better. I have 6 apps/portals to log into each week for various things for two children - this seems excessive. Quite honestly, my husband wouldn't have a clue what needed to be checked each week. I'm guessing I'm not alone in that either.

When I was at primary school (Scotland) we had to bring in our own pencils, pens etc. I was shocked when we moved to England and they were being provided by the school. I actually think it would be a good thing if children were expected to bring in their own pencil case. Apart from saving money for the school, it will teach them to look after and respect property

Except rich DC are sent in with premium brand pencil case, fancy pens/equipment etc. Poorer DC might have nothing or a single promotional pen picked up in a bank or post office. It becomes simply a way to highlight the have & have nots.

You indicate communications are online to parents - how does the system work at the parent end? Do they get alerts? It seems crazy you suddenly have a whole year of non engaged parents?

I have always been engaged so can't answer for parents that aren't but if it is the whole year group I would look at whether the communication is not effective - or ask the parents (the ones that are not engaging in your specific case)