Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Definitely, but technology, logins and apps are part of life.

The thread the other day about what people got up to as teens on the web in it's infancy was hilarious but eye opening. Kids need to learn to navigate independently for the right reasons, not avoid it.

MN isn't to be compared with school's stuff. If only school's apps and webpage were that easy!

I'm generation x. Primary school was a glorious riot of craft, Christmas plays, playing outside and project work. Any academic stuff was child led. You could choose your own books from the school library (not Enid blyton though - that was banned).

Not part of life in Year1.

Yeah but that's not the point - that poster probably has a lot more time for logging into stuff after the kids are in bed and she can breathe, get in bed with a brew and browse MN for a bit (which, incidentally, remembers your info so no repeated logging in 😉). It's not comparable to having to rush around in the 2 ish hours between hometime and bedtime to find the tablet, find the login details, set it up etc - probably while also managing other children (and keeping their sticky fingers away from said tablet), and cooking the tea and what not. Much easier and quicker if it's just a worksheet at the kitchen table. And yes fine, kids need to navigate the internet eventually, but we're talking about 5-6 year olds. There's masses of research suggesting that screen time is bad for their brains at this age, and that's not to mention the fact that as soon as you sit them down with a tablet they immediately want to go on the games/drawing apps/watching videos etc or whatever else it does, rather than sitting and doing their spellings. I'm not really sure that "but you've got time to go on Mumsnet" actually addresses any of that.

I admire anyone going into teaching. It must be a thankless job, with increasing expectations of what teachers should provide - meeting emotional needs of children, as well as actually teaching them. It used to be just undisciplined children who needed to be controlled, but now often it’s equally undisciplined parents I’m afraid. My neighbour is a TA, and there’s always parents kicking off on a daily basis.

This is horrendous? Frozen sandwiches?

No. I did not say education is worthless so stop putting words in my mouth. The report says educational attainment and social class are closely linked in the UK. Always have been as it happens.

You ascribe the lower achievement of lower class students to a class-based attitude, which is change at least from your earlier claims to "inherited characteristics" being part of the mix.

Do you have any evidence for this?

I'll try again, with the quote this time!

No. I did not say education is worthless so stop putting words in my mouth. The report says educational attainment and social class are closely linked in the UK. Always have been as it happens.

You ascribe the lower achievement of lower class students to a class-based attitude, which is change at least from your earlier claims to "inherited characteristics" being part of the mix.
Do you have any evidence for this?

Actually, it works!

At one point I was a mother of 5 school aged kids and making lunches was the WORST of all the jobs, of which there were many! I read about pre-making and freezing sandwiches and was very sceptical but I tried it as I was desperate!

After a couple of weeks of the kids saying that their lunches were fine I spent a Sunday afternoon making enough sandwiches for a month. The trick is to pick your fillings (cheese/ham works well, spreads dont) and get air tight bags to store them in. Expensive to start with but as they bring their rubbish home you can wash and re-use the bags. Google the best sandwiches to premake, grated cheese is better than sliced for example and dont freeze salad!

Made a massive difference. Grab 5 lots of sandwiches out of the freezer, bung them in the bags and by lunchtime they were defrosted and the drinks etc were still cold. Give it a go!

ETA......just remembered it wasnt a months worth when they all took sandwiches! It was per week, would have needed a chest freezer bigger than the house for a months worth haha!

That must be disheartening. I appreciate a bit of homework as a means of consolidating learning. I see you said it's uploaded though. This can be a royal pain in the ass for parents/childminders/whoever child goes to after school. Might be an interesting experiment to see if engagement increases by gluing the worksheets into workbooks, where the child can fully own it without adult facilitating access to Internet.

I didn't engage with homework until they were in year 5 or my children wanted to do their own homework project based on their current topic. I always made time for reading though.

Lack of time
Lack of money
Lack of education
Lack of English
Can't drive to shop
Don't have on-line shopping
Chaotic home environment
Homelessness
Lack of IT skills
Lack of smart phone/laptop

Evidence over the last few decades, in which more and more people are educated to a higher level and wages have stagnated, suggest your reason for valuing education may be flawed.

Are you kidding?? That is so much homework. Sometimes we can't even fit in a bath as get back too late from after school childcare, sports clubs or scouts.

We always did reading and spelling words, I provided a case full of pencils and pens, ds's sports kit, indoor shoes etc. Regular homework was no issue despite me being a full time working single mum. I only have one DC.

However, I had a sense of humour failure when DS was asked to make a model of WWI trenches one weekend. After several failed attempts, I ended up making them out of chocolate sponge cake and lolly sticks, late on Sunday night. A step too far 😁

Very well said!!

Piano sounds good, but most Yr1 extra curricular won't be piano lessons

Agreed @ExIssues

I'm from a family of seven, free school meals, close to the breadline as children BUT my dm always insisted school was an absolute, no excuses, and she was right.

We now have five bachelor's, two masters and a doctorate between us. A chartered accountant, a deputy head, a marketing director. All have good incomes, comfortable homes, security, three with children at private school.

I will never understand the low value some people place on the education of their children.

I work 12 hours a day at the moment to make ends meet. So do many people. I’m exhausted. People out here don’t have money to live, it’s fucking stressful and we’re depressed and tired. So when schools want pe kits with trainers to stay at school it’s fucking annoying because where do you think I get the money from to have a pair of trainers lying around at school! Kids feet grow which means I’m having to buy two pairs at least twice a year and one just gets to sit there the majority of the week unused. Don’t even get me started on welly boots! so yes, I forget them sometimes because I’d rather ferry them back and forward and I’m bloody struggling.

An no, you wouldn’t know it if you knew me. You’d think I was affluent.

And what can the schools do? They can’t help me? In fact they make my life harder by expecting me to do homework for children who want to play because they’re children. So they force me into bitch mum who has to force them to do work based on an outdated system designed to help factory owners have more useful child workers.

And schools don’t engage with parents! Teachers barely introduce themselves these days. Timed parents evenings where they boot you out without any depth of answer.

Children at the top held back to fit the tick boxing teachers have to do and children at the bottom left behind because there’s no resources to spend on them. Teachers themselves say they’re cramming lessons into the days at such a pace just to keep up with the curriculum that it’s awful. So why then act like ita the parents fault? Youre complicit in letting the system continue if you do this - if you think you haven’t got enough resources and that the classroom is shit because there are too many kids and no way you can give each one any attention and that kids are falling through the gaps, so much so that you strike about it for your own sakes, why do you think the kids are having any better time of it? But they don’t get to strike do they?

I know it doesn’t sound like it but I actually feel sorry for teachers in primary as most do so much with the kids to try give them fun and do their art projects and all the rest of it and it must be so sad to feel parents don’t appreciate that. I do. But please think about the system you are supporting. Is this really how you would do it? Because this school system is pumping out a bunch of tired, poorly educated, angry, antisocial adults who have a negative relationship with learning. There’s also things accepted in schools like bullying etc that are long since being acceptable in the workplace - so why do our children not get the same rights as us as adults?

And yes, education is important! And yes, kids in countries where it isn’t readily available are desperate for it but that’s because the alternative is often awful - is that the bar we should judge our system on? Or should we say you know what, we could do things more effectively?

I wonder what time the parents get back from work
My dh and I didn’t get home till around 7pm ish and then picked our kids up ( 3 including twins ) from nursery ( yes they were still open then for us commuters etc ).
Fitting everything in before bed including reading was almost impossible as they are tired.
We did most reading etc at the weekends….for example

As others have said, reading was always a priority in the household, but homework not so much - especially at 5.

To me, a teacher has the really tough job of teaching an often narrow set of subject matter to 30 small children. I had the benefit of dealing with a very small of children in my home and a curriculum as wide as the world. Why would we be limited to a school worksheet and a spelling list when we could talk, discover and learn about all sorts? Surely this supports school learning better with children who are actively excited about learning?

My son (at 6) had a teacher with two children herself who was an absolute stickler for homework on account of if she could do it, so should we. It was dry, dull and painful.I cant say my son benefitted educationally as a result.

He had another teacher across 3 separate years (village school!), who’d give them a fortnightly menu homework sheet with lots of options to pick and choose from- from spellings to a walk in the woods, crafts, housework and pet care to reading challenges, number problems, finding out about a random place in the world. They needed to achieve a set amount of points. The children and parents loved the flexibility and choice in these and the children actively looked forward to holiday challenges.

This seemed liked a really responsive way of getting families involved with homework.

I absolutely agree with the comments here. For example I would never leave trainers and wellies etc at school
Kids would then need two sets and that is just an utterly ridiculous expectation.
I support schools in every way I can but I would be saying a big no to this.

Some expectations are unrealistic and that also includes anything with parental involvement. Sometimes, parents just can’t manage it. That doesn’t mean they lack interest though.

Agree. If you don’t get home till 7pm how can this all be fitted in.
Surely this is understood by teachers, why not give a week to do homework. That’s what our kids school did.