Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Dc4 is in yr1 he only has reading book 3x weekly & 8 weekly spellings which is less than his siblings got. Dh & I are knackered but find time to do it. From experience of talking to many parents it’s a mix of a few who are disorganised, busy & a good few who can’t be arsed or bothered. I listened to one of the parents of his classmate at informal parents evening explaining to their teacher that he isn’t doing the reading as he’s on his phone or playing games with his brother. He’s 5 years old & their teacher tried to politely explain that it’s not the best idea giving a 5 year old a phone for hours after school each night. I work in secondary school & plenty of kids don’t do homework as they simply ‘shouldn’t or don’t have to’.

FFS, yes. But more than one on here specifically said they work 30 hours.

Teachers and school leaders won't fit into that category.

The category of 50-60 hour working weeks typically includes teachers.

These are people helping kids learn with few resources and terrible attitudes being brought in.

It's the least parents, who are tired from 15, 30, 32, 35, 40, 60 hour working weeks, can do to support their children.

Teachers just need to accept it. I don't see a lot of other ways to handle it.
Other proffesions have other stuff to deal with. It's not a big deal for me. I don't have to be grateful that teachers teach children. They have a job like so many of us.

I worked too long hours and wanted to have a nice time with my children in the evenings, not fight about homework. I was probably that lazy parent who never bothered with spelling, but I did lots of other things with them. They both got too a levels and my oldest graduated with a first in engineering from a RG uni last year. I wish the teachers at primary would have just chilled a bit more when it came to homework.

It's the least parents, who are tired from 15, 30, 32, 35, 40, 60 hour working weeks, can do to support their children.

That reminds me of Molly Mae saying "everyone has the same 24 hours in a day".

Sure thing. But someone working 10 hours a week, being supported by a high earning, hands on partner, with neurotypical children, has a lot more time to spend on homework than a lone parent working 50 hours a week with children with SEN. It might take someone 30 minutes to persuade a SEN child to eat their dinner let alone practise times tables.

That should have read too a levels. Children don’t become top achievers from doing spelling test and fighting over homework. Having invested and interested parents is importantly and teachers need to see past that being just about homework and school!

Top a levels!!

I am afraid that you lost me at Y1 and Homework.

Two things have changed massively in the last 40 odd years in terms of education and expectations.

I am 51 and when I was a kid learning was done in school and most mothers had more time, but there was no expectation to do home learning. We took our books home but there was no "home school agreement" about reading every night or doing spellings.

Now most mothers work in some way and many are full time with the kids in some form of childcare, but there is an expectation of home learning alongside school learning.

As a teacher I am sure that you find this second nature with your own, as well as making sure they have what they need, when they need it. If only because you are thinking of your fellow teachers! But for the rest of us, working 60 hour weeks from necessity rather than choice, getting home and spending a precious hour or so with our children and then getting some much needed rest ranks as far more important than spending an hour searching out a reading book that you KNOW was in the book bag and now somehow isnt. Its more important than checking whether tomorrow is PE day or not. And frankly when performance bonuses mean the difference between paying the mortgage or not, filling in the reading diary will get forgotten.

They live in an affluent area because they are working themselves into the ground to get their kids into a good school, with the expectation to be on the teachers to provide the education not them. They are doing their best, and yes sometimes they fail, but can you honestly say that you havent failed either?

Knowing that children can be independent, two things might help. They appeal to the child's ability to act themselves.

• Give out hints on a how to cope with family life and asking for parents to offer their's up to share.

Such as .. Freeze sandwiches made on the weekend. Have snacks and fruit sorted. Kids pack their own lunchbox straight after breakfast - sandwich, fruit, vege snack, snack, water bottle. Kid packs own school bag, including sports gear. Wear uniform for two days. Bath every second day. School age can bathe themselves. Kid reads at set time every day - in car, while waiting for dinner, before bed, when ready for school, straight after teeth cleaning etc. Encourage charts. No screens during school week. There is other stuff to do.

• Start three or four teams in the classroom or use already allocated houses. Have a weekly winning house.

Each team has 100 points and every time someone doesn't complete reading, homework or forgets their gym gear a point is taken off. So every child can loose three points each day! Mark the points on a visible board and have each child wipe them off. Display ther board for the class to see. Reward the winning house every week with something meaningful. Keep tally so that there is a monthly winner and a yearly champion team. Kids like helping their team mates.

• Speak to the children like they are responsible for their own learning. They can instigate reading. They can remember their gym gear and complete the occasional homework sheet/spelling etc. Remind them to help their parents by putting their clothes in the wash, not leaving shoes at school etc. Give the kids hints of when to read to parents - for example when Mum is scrolling stop her and read. When Dad is watching tv turn it off and read.

You have my full sympathy. Family life has never been busier and stress of finances is high. It is hard for parents to prioritise teacher's requests. I think appealing to the child's capacity to influence their own outcomes could relieve parents and achieve positive outcomes.

Communication from school is patchy and not always clear. The online programmes for maths homework are not good-quality, and logins get lost. My child is very good at leaving their reading book at school, and failing to return it - and it only gets changed once a week. I get home after 8pm three nights a week and my DP does not prioritise homework. We do our best regardless.

I would call HT and ask school to step out of our homelife.

...is this satire?

Nah, parent of large family.

It seems like you are asking quite alot for a y1 class. When my DC was yr1 we only had reading, gym kits and wellies were sent at the start of term and came home at half term/school holidays only and pencils were provided by the school, the children didn’t take their own.

Of course it does. What well paid job can you do without education?

I don't dispute that children from deprived backgrounds do worse at school. However that doesn't mean education is pointless. It also doesn't mean there's anything inherently wrong with the schools. There's a lack of valuing of education and opportunity by many who frankly waste the opportunity they are given. I think it's a cultural issue in the UK. Achievement isn't valued.

We can’t really vote in reply to OP’s Q because we don’t know the school to be fair. However I have been a parent of 3 different schools due to a house move- some are much better than others at distilling what input they need from parents.

I am engaged in my children’s learning and school work. I really try hard to make sure they have the correct gear and do their homework but…

I regularly get passive aggressive comments in one child’s homework diary about practicing phonics at home.
We really are doing it at home pretty much daily.

One school was totally scatter gun with info and it was a job to cut through/piece it all together. I get that many parents wouldn’t have the time energy or bandwidth for that.

Stuff gets lost by kids- we don’t always know they are missing a pencil sharpener/ruler etc. We bought one in the holidays and it’s apparently disappeared, no one told me and I’m none the wiser. Meanwhile I’m being casually judged for being a crappy parent for not supplying one, although if someone just told me I would happily buy another one.

One DC school trip I did not supply a change of clothes. The teacher told my child that although it was not in the letter that they needed a change of clothes, it was common sense. Delightful.

Schools would do well to reflect on how they communicate with parents.

I agree that readers should be the only home work for year one.
I don't agree with much more, throughout primary school.

It never fails to shock me when I see how little free education is valued in the UK. Education is the best tool a child has to give him/herself opportunities in life. So many parents just don't value it (or even actively discourage it) and don't bother putting the effort in to supporting their child and the school.

You can't pick and choose which bits of school life you are prepared to support! How will that work if each parent decides to engage in different ways? Doing homework is a fantastic habit to get into. It teaches discipline and gives a work ethic and demonstrates how hard work pays off - as well as teaching how to be a participant and a contributor to the community.

I remember reading in Mandela's autobiography how he had to walk miles to school and back every day and yet how privileged he felt, because he got the opportunity and not everyone did.

I get that parenting is bloody hard work, and often parents are on their knees. It's a hard choice; but it is a choice. Nobody makes you have children. So if you have them, you need to love them and part of loving them is giving them the best chance to make something of their lives. Parental involvement is crucial

Teachers do accept they have a job that takes many hours of additional time. And that parental engagement is low. And that pupil attitudes are worsening. And that school funding is inadequate.

It's not just teaching. It's hard for anyone to accept and want to continue with, something that they spend so much of their own time doing because they care, when it's routinely undermined by the people who benefit from their efforts and expertise.

Ok...so my argument is that education is valuable to help people earn more. You are saying education is worthless because social class/inherited wealth is more important?

I say the opposite. People of a lower social class tend to value education less and therefore achieve less. The same education is available to everyone, only a tiny minority attend private schools.

Honestly parents are just so overwhelmed now. As a working mum of two I really am trying my best and I care about my child's education, but I do drop the ball and miss things (like spelling homework) sometimes because it's hard to keep up. Me and DH both work, juggling our hours to enable us to do school drop off and pick up, but we have to make up that work time later plus do dinner, bath, bedtime, laundry, handle DC2's toddler tantrums, prep everything for the next day to do it all again. I have an extensive to-do list for work, and for home, and when I get an email from the school to ask me to donate empty yoghurt pots for a craft day or whatever while I'm running myself ragged trying to keep everyone alive whilst stressing about money because simply existing is so expensive now I just don't always have the headspace to engage.

FWIW I do think printed worksheets for spelling would make it easier, our school doesn't provide these and it's a pain doing homework that requires logging into an app which is a massive faff.

Out of interest, is it a massive faff to log in to MN? Or does it take seconds and you accept it's the medium for what you want to spend your time achieving?

And only a few pupils from deprived families attend grammar schools. It was very visible what kind of parents the kids in my children's grammar school had.
Few poor parents can get their children tutored to a place in a grammar.

Given that it's gone midnight I think it's safe to say the kids are in bed now 🤣