Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

I’m gen x
Why did your school ban Enid Blyton. Did something pass me by there

@NewMarmiteJar. No hw at our school either and our PE kit was our knickers and vests so parents didn’t even have to deal with thinking about that then.

Not having homework btw didn’t stop the generation inc myself getting degrees, masters, doctorates etc and my dad could hardly read himself so we didn’t get parents mucking in to help with anything either. Somehow we all managed. ( that’s not to say I don’t think parents shouldn’t, it’s more a case that the need seems to be greater now )

my LOs are 3 and 6 months, I have virtually no capacity for things beyond their basic care. If I had a school age child I don’t think I’d be bothering with homework. I would try to read with them but I don’t agree with homework for little ones. So for me it would be a case of not being bought in and not having capacity. I’d probably be upfront and tell the teacher we wouldn’t be doing though. Re kit I imagine similarly just people with lots of their plates. Sometimes we forget stuff when we take our daughter to nursery (like wellies, jacket, etc) it’s not that we don’t care it’s just being v stretched mentally and sometimes surviving on 3 hrs sleep

We get billed for any that aren't returned. We left one on holiday (I know, shouldn't have taken it) and 1 we lost in the house a year ago and it never turned up, will probably find it when DD's are 18! And we have to pay £5 for each book.

Whilst I think homework in year 1 is unnecessary beyond a reading book, I am shocked at some of the excuses on this thread and the general ambivalence from many.

Enid Blyton has bits which are quite sexist/ableist. I'm definitely not 'woke', but even I was shocked - my DD picked up a Famous five book and a 'magic faraway tree' book she found at my parents and some of it was quite uncomfortable to read, and I wouldn't be keen on her reading much of it.

Didn't realise indoor shoes weren't a thing anymore, don't kids wear plimsolls anymore? I had those, back in the dark ages. Makes sense to me, especially as primary school kids sit on the floor.

I check my kids bags but if it’s online, it’s just another blooming tech admin task to add to my enormous list. It’s the last thing i want to do at night. Luckily mine are quite self sufficient but I don’t check their homework or reading for school as a result.

Op when I was a part time teacher I
Had less sympathy for parents since going full time I can feel the difference! Those 2 days at home allow you to get on top of admin, wash clothes, clean etc that I now fit in around everything else. I'm motivated to do homework but it's not easy, I'm exhausted!

I would say I do agree with you about the hands off approach of a lot of parents. They give in for an easy life, don't read because their child doesn't want to. Then they wonder why they aren't doing as well as they could be! My daughter is dyslexic so there's extra work with her but she deserves our efforts to help her.

This. I always happy to support homework where I can see the benefits in it. Reading, maths, writing - absolutely. That doesn't mean we get it done perfectly every time, sometimes it's really rushed but we at least have a go, and I put note to teacher 'sorry it's messy, all of us were poorly over the weekend'. I think teachers do recognise parents are busy, and won't be too bothered by the occasional missed worksheet, but need to know that parents are trying to work collaboratively with them as best they can, it's about mutual respect. We have brilliant teachers at my daughters school who really go the extra mile, so I would feel bad at not trying to to most most of what they ask, it's a pretty tough job between government rules, rude parents, trying to meet the huge SEN needs, sats etc.

A green rice crispie model of 'how they see themself' - this gets ' sorry, dropped in a puddle' 'dog ate it' (we don't have a dog).

Homework should be something they can do with minimal support, to consolidate something they learnt in class. Not an exercise in whose parent is best with paper mache!

No way would I spend time every night doing homework at that age. Never did it and never will. As the kids get older it is different and i am as involved as I need to be meaning mostly being available to help.
I would with them at bedtime (not necessarily school books) and for me that's enough.

Gym kit etc - at that age my kids school asks the kids to come in gym clothes now. Far easier. Then you know straight away who has it and doesn't. As they get older having their gym kit makes sense. But at that age if they bring a gym kit my child will come back with half their own clothes on and stuff missing from the gym bag. Not worth it.

Pencils - the school should provide at that age surely??

It gives a parents a chance to spot things like dyspraxia, dysgraphia, or dyslexia that may get missed by the class teacher if you purposefully sit down with your child and help them with homework.

It has more than just the purpose of consolidation IMO.

Thanks for all the responses, it's very interesting to hear the variety. I had no idea so many people were struggling so much in their daily lives.

The homework I give out is largely not in my control as it's school policy, however what is in my control I always keep to the minimum with clear instructions. It's posted online however the children have spelling jotters and maths sheets so anything that is needed I physically give them and explain to the children so the online part is really just a further explanation for parents although shouldn't be required.

I am aware of not putting additional pressure on parents as my own children"s school is notorious for giving a lot of pointless homework, project type things, and I know the WhatsApp groups explode at times and parents are every stressed by it.

I am going to speak to my HT regarding the spelling homework and perhaps if parents didn't have that to do they would hopefully make sure the reading was fine, which is much more important in my opinion.

Sounds like I need to lower my standards in terms of what I expect but it doesn't sit well as we are always encouraged to have high expectations of children. I really feel for the ones that need extra support but aren't getting it at home. We do offer homework club for those that struggle to get it done at home however unfortunately it's the same parents who don't take up the offer. As a bare minimum though I would expect a child to bring in their reading book every day to use in class and hand back at the end of the week but I try to encourage the children to do that as a way of fostering independence. It's frustrating when the same children always bring in their books but are forced to share. Also frustrating it increases my workload and takes up my time in class sorting issues of who has what when I could be teaching/supporting the children with that time.

As I have mentioned I myself also find it difficult to fit homework in and having been dealing with children all day long don't particularly feel like doing it with then and am absolutely exhausted from the constant noise and many behaviour/ASN issues in my class however it's a priority for my family. My 2 older kids are 11 and 13, they see to themselves however I always check the 13 year old has done what is asked of him and I check and sign the 11 year olds. My 8 year old has dyslexia and ASD and is exhausted from the day but I believe little and often helps with her readings and phonics so we do about 15 mins every night. She thrives in maths so she flies through that and I enjoy seeing the sense of achievement that gives her.

My school abandoned homework years ago, except for year 6 when preparing for SATs. Research shows it adds no value. The younger children do still take reading books home but many of our families have multiple children, have English as an additional language and parents who may not have experienced the English school system themselves, so aren't sure how to support them. We still send spellings as well but gave up wasting school time on tests as these don't work either.

We can't always influence parents but I believe we're doing what we do for the children - offering them opportunities they would likely not have otherwise. Be the best teacher you can be in school, and don't stress over those parents who aren't/ don't know how to / don't want to support their child at home.

I've only ever taught in schools with a significant number of families living in poverty or adverse circumstances, so all your concerns are things I've long dealt with. I still feel teaching is a very worthwhile thing to do, in spite of everything.

Missing the point, but the need for PE kit for infants suggests that their normal school uniform isn’t comfortable and/or appropriate enough for them to play. Just have a uniform that they can run, jump and climb in.

I understand once they move up to KS3 and some may be starting puberty, and they may be playing actual sports like rugby that there will be more of a need to get changed.

Realised that you’re asking for what helps. This is from raising multiple kids all of whom are still at school age but all past year 1 and switched schools so had different teachers/systems.

1. child and adult being neurotypical
2. adult having time to read etc
3. connecting with parents at the beginning of the school year to set expectations. Eg parents evenings, letters home with what they’ll be learning this year eg romans (so we’ll do home activities to help), school newsletters, calendar
4. having a strong PTA to organise events to bring parents into the school eg Christmas/easter/summer fairs
5. having a dedicated school backpack where everything goes and stays.
6. glueing any letters home, spellings, anything into a school notebook and having daily messages if there’s anything relevant eg read with Bob today, learned about glossaries. Then I can reply Bob read aloud and finished his book.
7. having the class parent set up a WhatsApp group for parents, so we can remind each others about spellings, multiplication tests etc if any of us lose the backpack/reading diary! Also helpful for sorting details of one off activities like school trips, world book day etc
8. Giving little prizes like a stamp in their reading diary if the kid reads 3 times per week. This helps us as parents. I’ll only say he’s read aloud if he’s actually read aloud.
9. being friendly. Some parents get a bit scared of teachers which seems to make them defensive. Remember it’s not the child’s fault if the parent isn’t reading to them.
10. having reading days where older kids come and read to the younger kids. It sends the message that cool big kids can read aloud, so the younger kids want to do it too.
11. let them decorate the cover of their reading diary, so it becomes something special to them, and they want to write in it themselves. Eg tonight I read x or tonight I practiced spelling.

Hope you find some gems from this thread that help the parents and children get motivated!

I don’t agree with homework because there’s no evidence it has any benefit for primary aged kids…so it’s just pointlessly filling all our time…

I've always been on top of things with my DD, made sure she did her homework and had everything she needed but I wasn't working then so it was easier. Now DS has started school and I'm working full time and I don't always remember to make sure he does his homework (though I have no excuse really because at this point it's once a week and is writing words starting with the letter of the week. 5 minutes work tops. So I hang my head in shame)
Worst thing though was when I forgot to go to parents evening! His teacher is lovely though and rearranged it for us, and spent a good half hour chatting to us about how he's getting on.

Because by the time we all get home it is gone 6pm, they want play and connection, bath and bedtime. We can fit reading into that routine no problem but daily homework is never going to happen. A bit at the weekend maybe. But they are so young still I don't agree with much.

OP is your school in a particularly “leafy” area? Even if it is, you and your colleagues should be aware of the kind of current strains on some families

I think the homework expectations have become silly in primary schools. Ours has done the same and sets one piece a week across all year groups. I find it frustrating however as a parent that this doesn't get marked properly. My son had a tricky maths problem, I even noted this in his book asking for help on how we would answer it but the teacher simply stamped the page with her marking stamp - no help on how to do it! If schools are going to set homework I feel it needs to be meaningful and teachers have time to actually mark it.

I don't agree with spellings for year 1 and imagine parents think this is too much. Some (where I am) can barely write their name so I am not sure how you can do this. I would rather focus on letter formation, making sure they do these correctly and the right way round (b/d) and knowing capital letters and lowercase letters.

I do think they should be doing reading and I assume the book is inline with their phonics group. I imagine some of these parents may also complain if their child doesn't move phonics groups.

PE our school is the same, they get changed for PE and get changed after. This is an important skill especially in the early years and you can see the difference at the start and end of the year in kids gaining independence at dressing themselves and quickly!

I don't understand the pencil cases. All our equipment is provided. They have pen/pencil pots on each table and assumed this was the norm. Indoor shoes (slippers) was only a thing when my kids were in the school nursery block. I can see why you might do this, but I can see why parents might also think this is unnecessary.

I think it's interesting to see how different schools operate and what the expectations are.

Sports (formal or just tearing round the park) are a worthwhile 'extracurricular'. We've got a country of unhealthy, overweight adults and children, and spiralling anxiety. Exercise and fresh air - whether formal or informal- is time well spent. I'd rather my 8yo made a den in the woods and came back muddy and tired than do 2 extra spelling sheets.

I think it's quite telling that this is often framed as 'supporting the school'. Rather than the child.

I was a teacher for 20 years. It has always been the case ( and always will be ) that children who need the most support at home get the least. Those children will grow up and become parents and repeat the cycle. I'm retired now and part of lots of groups. There are people in these groups who are motivated, keen and involved. There are an equal number of people who go around as if none of the personal admin of being part of something actually applies to them...someone else will sort it/ provide it/ book it and they'll just drift in 10 minutes late and without the right equipment whilst assuming someone else will have brought double so they can share. You can only do your best Op. Spellings are set. That's your job. Learning them at home is not something you can control . I recommend reading the 'Let Them' book. It's very freeing

First of all thanks for caring about your kids at school. That’s the most important thing a teacher can do for the kids.

I feel some of this may be down to communication. As a parent I feel utterly disengaged from the school but can imagine that my child’s teachers also feel like you about me.

The homework has always caused conflict between me and my DC so I chose early on that it wasn’t worth the disruption at home when our time together is limited (I work full time, long hours).

I get a passive aggressive sticker in a reading diary if we don’t meet the required number of school reading books. My children read loads, I don’t always write in the book. I don’t always get them to read the school books if they are enjoying other reading. I want reading to remain fun and not be seen as a chore (or homework). Sometimes the day is busy and long and I choose to snuggle and watch TV rather than read.

My kids are in full time wrap around care so I never really speak to the teacher other than a 10 minute zoom slot which cuts out.

I understand that your motives are excellent, but from a parent’s perspective reading diaries and homework seem like a school box tick exercise rather than about the child’s actual learning or wellbeing. So then we have to make the best decision for our children/ family rather than just doing what the school wants.

Can’t comment on the pencil case or shoes situation. Our (state) primary schools provide all stationery and when it’s PE they wear their PE kits all day which works great.

I think the not reading thing happens everywhere. My school is constantly sending out letters about it. They set up a new scheme where children are rewarded for reading but it's good because it's not competitive with the other children. For 10 reads you get a sticker, 20 reads a book mark, 30 reads a sweet, 40 reads a toy and 50 reads a certificate. It's done every Friday when they check the reading logs and when you get to 50 it resets so the effort is rewarded without it being a leader board

As for children struggling, my ds struggled in yr1 and it was so hard to do both reading and spelling. He just found it so hard and that upset him as he was only 5. That and his energy levels after school from sitting all day meant he really couldn't focus. In Yr 2 he's a lot calmer and knows his phonics so it's easier. My friends with energetic boys have found the same. It's spelling or reading and if the child struggles it's really hard to make them do something they find so hard every single day. 1 boy got a sweet for every word and still wouldn't read it was that hard for him. I wonder if once the phonics have clicked it gets better

OP, there are so many excuses on this thread.

But the bottom line is that the parents of the children in your class are not prepared to do what it takes to get homework done. Doesn’t matter why - it’s a fact and it isn’t going to change.

My sibling teaches older kids. This attitude filters through. There are so many in Y9 (ish) that just don’t do homework. He phoned a parent and got told to fuck off. He’s given up, following lots of effort to put it right.

You should prioritise your own kids IMO, rather than trying to change the situation with the kids in your class. It’s up to their parents to parent them.