Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Mine cope fine. We opted out of homework throughout primary. When they moved into year 7 they were ready and knuckled down. They don't like it, but they're motivated to do well and they get it done under their own steam.

This but 40 hour week. I barley have time to fart, the mental load is insane

My child is this age. Homework is once a week, a phonic sheet off twinkl - set for ability and online so presumably doesn’t take the teacher long to send out to three or four different groups. If the parents want to upload their kids work that’s up to them. No pressure (but I know most of us do it).
Reading - we’re asked to sign the kids books three times a week. I do it every day. Books are swapped three times a week and extra ones are supplied online.

Pencils are in the classroom. We don’t have to supply them anything until year 3/4 and it’s usually just a friction pen and ruler, oh and highlighter.

I have two girls now 21 & 15. I’ve worked FT and occasionally 30 hours a week once each maternity leave finished (now FT) My eldest is autistic. Both girls did swimming and dance, no family near by.

It was tough but we made sure they read a couple of pages and we chatted about the story to cover of comprehension and learnt their spellings - this was a breakfast thing or driving to school for Breakfast club - I may have hated it at times but never told them it was pointless or not worth doing it.
We did have occasional tantrums but we did it!! It has meant as they got older through to secondary school these small habits from spending 10 mins reading and /or 5 mins learning a couple of spellings - has meant they got on with their homework, no dramas and most days they home before I am they know to get on with it (occasionally tiktok distract them)

My husband and I still laugh about biff and Kipp and magic key!

@Purpleturtle43 you sound like a wonderful teacher, thank you for what you do. I have always been so grateful for everyone of my children's teachers and what they have added to their learning.

We always do the homework and try and support all the extra things, although we have had some odd homeworks here (year 2- design a maths game was a very long task!) and we do read every night but I probably drive my kids teachers nuts with the reading record. I just never think about it. We read as part of their bedtime routine and the reading record just feels like homework for me. We are on chapter books now so it's just writing the same book title and the next numbered chapter and trying to think of another variation of 'they read well/ are enjoying the book'. I find it hard not to resent the reading record from muscling in on something that we do every night as a private thing for enjoyment anyway. Lately I've been writing about once a week with the weeks worth of dates and chapters as a catch up, hopefully that is ticking the boxes enough.

Appreciate the teacher likely has to insist on it though so we all have to go through the motions together. I couldn't imagine just ignoring the homework though without a word, that seems so rude. I don't see how you could tell a kid we will be ignoring what the teacher asked from us at home and expect a kid to go to school and follow everything the teacher is asking from them there.

Homework in y1 is ridiculous.
Spelling tests in y1 are pointless.
You need to think your book policy because taking home and back everyday is not the best way.
What about having a book for home that they bring in once a week to change. They can also have a book in school for reading.

There's nothing you can do about the parents, you need to adapt.

The reading books they send the kids home with are complete dross - I let them go wild in the library and read whatever they like. They probably read for an hour each night but it will look to the school reading books are untouched.

Logging on to the homework system creates extra friction. I preferred a sheet as I could just put it in front of them not try and charge/locate a laptop/find password for 30 different systems.

I feel like the school goes overboard now it’s possible to email communication. In the old days they must have been selective about when they sent an announcement home on paper. Now it’s multiple emails every day and you could be forgiven for not realising which were the actually important ones.

I don’t believe in homework for primary school kids before y5/6. They deserve a break when they get home. The only exception I make to this is reading, which is essential and they do lots of. Spelling tests are pointless. My 2 dyslexic kids never got more than 4/5 out of 10 no matter how hard they prepared and my 2 non-dyslexic kids always got 9 or 10 out of 10 without lifting a finger. I have no idea why schools still persist with them.

So whilst my kids mostly do their homework because they are motivated to do it themselves (wishing to conform), I never make them do it. You could just stop setting all the bleeding homework and give us all a break.

I'm curious about this apparent consensus against practicing spelling in Y1. What evidence is there against learning spellings at this age? My DS is Y1, and I think the spelling tests have given him significantly more confidence with his writing. Would like to see research on this.

Could it be that they don't believe kids that age should be doing homework so protest silently in ignoring it?

Have they been told what they are expected to do to support their kids?

Being generation x we were never set homework until secondary school.

My parents were simply never involved, perhaps aside from ingredients for cooking lessons and PE kits.

OP I want to write a long post but I’m exhausted so will just say, I hear you. 100%

I wish primary schools would insist that kids bring their own pencils/pencil cases. We always did when I was at primary, 45 years ago, when such items weren’t as cheaply available as they are now, and what happens is it teaches children and parents to expect hand outs when they get to secondary school. The number of students who expect us to supply pens, pencils, rulers etc is completely ridiculous. It is totally normal for students to come to school, repeatedly, without any equipment and just expect us to supply it. I know times are hard, but if you are carrying a Longchamp bag and have Air Forces in your PE kit you can afford a £2-for-30 pack of pens from Poundland.

Our primary school doesn’t give homework. Which is a current blessing. However, my eldest is starting secondary this year and she’s going to be in for one hell of a culture shock I think…

Does your school expect parents to sign a 'contract'? Ours did, it was clearly spelt out what was expected of us as parents and what we could expect from the school in return. Of course there were still parents that didn't comply but it helped from the start that the SLT were clear with parental expectations. If you're a lone teacher beating a single drum you don't stand a chance these days.

Absolutely would not be doing that faff!

Schools need to go back to pen and paper!

Today I have received 3 separate emails from school regarding events, 3 automatic emails asking for payment and about 5 Tapestry notifications for my youngest. Then there's the homework emails, the weekly newsletters. It's too much!! I'm drowning in school emails and requests.

We read, we encourage fine motor skills and writing. Making a farm out of an egg box is pointless and I'm not fighting with my kids to do homework. We're encouraging the SATs books with the eldest but he knows if he doesn't do it then it's on him.

Oh heck. I know this will be unpopular but I think that homework is completely unnecessary. Kids are tired, parents are tired, teachers are absolutely knackered.
I think for the sake of everyone's mental health it should just be scrapped.There is more to life than academic prowess and I honestly believe that creativity, sport and socialisation are just as important as exam grades. Kids learn as much by Playing with Lego mindstorm, playing a musical instrument, team sports or building a den together. It's no wonder there is a mental health crisis as we are all far too concerned with meeting ridiculous targets to let our children be kids.
For context I'm a mental health professional, married to a teacher. We have 3 young adult DC, Non of whom bothered much with homework but all of whom already far earn more than their parents.

Because in year 1 it's actually an extra chore for us parents. The benefit of it for kids to "consolidate learning" is minimal at best. Spelling tests by rote are archaic tbh and not that effective.

I’m not entirely convinced by this either although I know of the research. Our school just does spelling shed and claims to follow the ‘science’ but spelling seems to be a weakness for lots of the children. I’ve gone back to the old school way of writing them out and it is working much better for my eldest. I realised too late that she was having a lovely time playing the games on the computer and none of that translated into her writing or ability to spell at all. We still have to do the games or she loses break time but at least now I feel the written work is actually doing something.

I have to say my y1 isn’t getting spellings home yet at all and I’m not too sad about that but I’ll start doing more with her from y2 having seen my older one struggle a bit.

I am surprised about the pencils and pencil case stuff

My kids are at a state primary and we have never ever been asked to send them in with stationary, it is all supplied.

We do reading at home with ours but the homework we get for our year 1 is often frankly batshit.. A couple of recent examples:

"Create your own sculpture from natural materials and bring it to
school or make a photo!"

*Make a small
research on your child’s favourite river animal"

I don't have time for this crap

We do the homework but it feels pointless. Reading records aren't checked from one week to the next, she might read with a TA once a month in class. Half term project is a pain and the same sodding parents come in with a tableaux of Henry VIII's court/a pyramid/the evacuation of children in WW2/what ever it is and we've managed to make a shit poster because we've worked all half term and had no time. Spellings and maths are online which is fine once I've logged in but then DD can't seem to translate what she does in that homework to actual writing or maths and I can't say there's much improvement whenever I look at her school books.

All this while I'm knackered from work, dealing with preschooler DS, trying to make a half healthy dinner, knocking up a costume for world book day, finding £1 for the latest charity donation...

Further education doesn't have fees any more then primary or secondary. Higher education, perhaps?

Or maybe parents know everything and teachers nothing.

It absolutely does. You are training learning "muscles" essentially. It is ridiculous that parents do not "believe" in homework.

YABU

Why on earth are you giving 6 year olds homework? No wonder they're not engaging with you. Thankfully homework in primary school is not compulsory, and I don't blame parents for not enforcing unnecessary homework.

Homework encroaches on quality family time.

You say the school is in an affluent area, so it's likely that many parents will be working in careers that require long hours. They may not get home until 7pm in the evening after a day's work and commute. They need to have dinner and have some rest time. Some parents barely get to see their children after work, some not at all. Shame on you for giving and expecting homework for bloody SIX year olds. And by the way, I used to be a teacher, just one who had also worked in the real world too, so understood that there is more to life than school.

These days parents get absolutely bombarded with shit from schools, constant emails, this and that, parents almost need a bloody PA just to manage the shit from schools. It's ridiculous, well done for those that have a bloody life and don't engage with this shit.

And as for cheap shoes, no way I'd put my child in cheap shoes that'll wreck their feet!

I don’t think exhaustion is an excuse. I was a single parent, worked 30 hours, yes I was exhausted but I was not too tired to make sure that the kids had what they need. I was never too tired to chat to the teachers when there was something that I knew we could both contribute towards. I also joined the PTA and saw how hard it was to engage parents - I guess our parents held education to a higher standard whereas now as parents, it’s about experiences, winding down and education isn’t the be all. Plus in the UK I find that there is a movement against education - maybe because it’s free?

My mum was a single mum, worked 2 jobs, 2 kids that she had to raise for over a decade - primary through to secondary - didn’t have amazing English but always made sure we had what we needed for school, bought revision books etc. I’m sure she was exhausted.

Yes I’ve had nights where I’ve been exhausted and had a cheat meal. Yes I’ve had weekends where we’ve slept in and been lazy. Yes the house doesn’t look perfect - but I personally value education - in all its form, and hope my children see themselves as lifelong learners (not necessarily academia)I have a theory.

I posted about the parenting crisis. We talk a lot about how social media is bad for kids, but I know that there must be parents hooked on social media who get sucked in. That 1 hour that my mum would have had in the 90s is replaced by an hour of IG or Twitter.

I’ve done it before. I remember spending 3 hours on TikTok, as a single mum, by the time I looked up the sun had set and I was shocked at how much time had passed. I deleted the app. Haven’t looked back.

Id love to explore how smart phones affect parenting.