Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

Also to add..that problem in our school is solved, by indoor pe with socks or barefoot.

We have always done reading daily but never did the homework (voluntary) in first school. I think the school hours are enough without having to then do more at home.
My eldest is now in middle school (Yr 5) and homework is very much compulsory so yes we tow the line.
My view was and will be the same for my youngest, if they are struggling with an aspect then I will put the time in to help, if not then I am not enforcing them to do work in their free time.

Super engaged parent here. And we didn’t do homework in year 1. My DD was youngest in class so perhaps less mature than the other children. I was also picking up her at 6.00pm. We just couldn’t do it. All fell into place in year 2.

The report makes it clear and social class, has always been the deciding factor. Research has always come back with the same results for the UK.

We are absolutely happy to provide children when shoes if their parents can't afford them but they just need to communicate that with us. I have used my own money in the past to buy things for children who I knew couldn't afford it so maybe you shouldn't judge me too.

Some homes will be chaotic for a variety of reasons. The five that never return reading books - give them books for home, have a separate book for school. Be prepared to never see that home book again. Sometimes you have to be pragmatic.
I feel your pain with the spellings, it's a little bit soulcrushing having to implement a policy that you know is pointless at best.
But why don't you have pencils for the class? In year 1 you can have a pencil monitor or table monitors responsible for handing out pencils and collecting them in. Rewards for the tidiest or fastest tables. Even if half your lesson time for the first two weeks of term are taken up with establishing routines.
Have a chat with other staff, work out best strategy for lack of indoor shoes, gym kit etc.

As for PE Kit our school changed in covid to wearing PE kit to school on their PE days. Also all pens and pencils etc are provided by school, this changes at middle school (Yr 5).

I’m one of the minority who loved a project and would’ve really got into it if I’d been given even a couple of days notice to buy/source the materials etc.

But the point is that it's not generally the child who actually does the whole project independently. If it's partly the parents work, then what's the point in the homework?

And it penalises the child who doesn't have money to source materials or a parent around to get things sorted for them in advance,

I am engaged but the amount that is required from primary is a struggle now when so many parents work and activities are factored in. I think schools need to be more honest and say that actually outcomes are very dependent on parental involvement and in a class of 30 often with high SEN need there is a limit that one teacher can do eg times tables- this is very much an activity that has been done at home and drilled. Schools seem to run on
the assumption that there is a parent at home and that also doesn’t work so well with more houses with dual earners working full time. Evenings are hard work when I’m picking up at 6, needing to fit in homework, piano practice, cooking, giving the kids some downtime plus other activities.

The homework that annoys me though are the project based ones for young children. Most 7/8 year olds need support to independently research and write about a topic and that isn’t something that can be done easily mid-week if you’re working. Last one took 3 hours of a Sunday and actually I do resent that when I’m fitting so much other stuff in and we all want a break.

Unfortunately there is no we would have enough extra books to have one in class and home, we are struggling just to have enough for home with the amount that don't get returned!

One of my DCs could learn his weekly spellings at home in 20 minutes tops. It was no bother. The other was extremely difficult to coax even to look at them in the evening (later diagnosed with dyslexia). With him we had to learn one spelling at a time, usually during breakfast or car drives as formal learning at home was almost impossible and had a very negative impact on his willingness to learn. Same with reading, DC 1 picked up reading very quickly and could happily read a couple pages each night aged six. DC2, too tired, tears, and led to feelings of abject failure just before bed (queue nightmares and school refusal, and him requesting that we don’t talk about school after we have left the playground 😭) so we quit asking him to read. We read to him and built up to him starting g or finishing sentences. He can read well now 😥 but bloody hell. We also had some not very helpful comments from school (needs to try harder, practice more, his spelling and reading are not where “we would like” etc etc etc). He. I longer attends aforementioned school.
Parental involvement in school is vital, particularly in State school where larger classes make individual support difficult. Parents need to know what extra support their children needs to keep up, and what really interests their DC and encourage it. Our involvement was vita for DC2 mental health and led us (helped by lockdown) to see that his then school was not right for him.
My older DC is at secondary and often half-arses attempts of homework or misinterprets what he should be doing. I only know this because I spent almost every weekday evening (and my spare time e.g on the bus, in queues and waiting rooms) looking at his school work and homework and helping him to plan his homework schedule. Both of us work FT, it is flipping hardwork, more so than I had ever imagined. I think without parental involvement, lots of DCs will underachieve and slip through the system with unnoticed potential.

We do have some pencils, just not a supply that's going to last every child in the school a full year.

I think this element of school along with many others is outdated. Homework was fine when one parent was likely at home so had time.

My kids are older now, and I did all this with them but reflecting back it was rough. Working, housework, clubs, and taking care of everyone. Luckily I worked part time then. I couldn't do it now, I work far too long hours as do many parents to make ends meet. Many are taking on 2 jobs to do this.

They just don't have the time and energy and have to prioritise. Spending the very short time you have with your kids each night 6pm-7/8pm battling with homework they often don't want to do isn't the way most people want to spend that precious time with their children.

I couldn't do a teachers job, and I'm grateful they do. It's not the teachers fault, but the school model needs to change. It's been the same for years but the world has changed hugely and school needs to adapt to keep up.

Daily reading after doing everything else like working, tea, bath, multiple dc some with SN.. being a lone parent. .. nightmare! Easy for you to say I would never not help with my dc homework but I faced many challenges and I refused to let the school make me feel bad about homework.

i always read to my dc at bedtime when they were little but 2 out of 4 of my dc hated reading and still do and it became a fraught and horrible chore. Weekly homework including reading and spellings fine.

not doing homework had no impact whatsoever on my dc outcomes at school, the older 3 have left school and have done remarkably well for themselves.

Yes our school did this for awhile then stopped. I think they should have carried it on as it solves the problem of kids forgetting their pe kits and they are ready and saves time getting dressed at school.

I really wish we could slow down school for children and focus on what research has shown to benefit their education most - play.

Young children need to move, not sit still and quiet in front of another screen.

For the time that children spend in school I don't think they end up with much to show for it.

I think if we could change to increase play, physical activity, creative work and reduce the narrow focus on early reading /writing skills then children, parents and teachers would all be happier.

Since when does homework actually benefit a child that age?

Mine is Y1 and she's doing great academically but we don't get home til 6pm and expecting anything beyond reading before bed is unreasonable.

It's a stupid policy and really needs to be challenged. Obviously that's not your fault, but I imagine most of your disengaged parents will be taking a very different view when their kids are high school age and it actually matters.

Oh course she doesn’t want to do it! What 9 year old wants to learn spellings? As her mum it’s part of your job to make sure she does it , and how long does it take to check her spellings each day or go through them en route to school? 5 mins?

I mean for me it's because I work 12 hrs night shifts and my DH works 12 hour day shifts. We have 3 children. We do what we can but Y1 'homework' would be bottom of the list as it's simply not necessary imo.
I do read whenever I can with my younger two. I also will sit down with my eldest and go through his homework with him.
From age 7 I take homework seriously and there would be consequences if my kids don't do it.
But year 1... no. I don't agree with it at all.

I'm a single parent with no other parent. I have two children with additional needs and one is particularly complex and lots of appointments. One of the children does not sleep so I am usually running on 3 hours sleep a night. I do everything by myself, so no, I am not trolling.

My oldest is 5, and where we live there are 4 goal areas - math and reading are just one but the only one with homework from my teacher. Instead of teaching my kid in the social emotional areas he’s behind in, or giving me homework/tips for that, the teacher is giving me shit about his behaviour, not following suggestions from his care team and sending non stop info about all kinds of things. So I still send the library book home every Monday but I ignore the levelled reader and log book. Those are more work for me and the books are so badly written I think it will hurt his literacy.

His previous teacher sent notes or emails or did a phone call discussing problems and coming up with solutions together - i.e got my permission to try a sanitized chew necklace in class, then asked me to buy one. Compared our 2 sets of getting ready routines to keep things easy. Shared breathing exercises to calm down. The new one tells me 2 days later that he hit a kid, tells me to teach him not to hit, and can’t remember anything about the incident to help me work it out with him 🤷🏻‍♀️.

He is 5, but reads like a 10yo and math like an 8yo. So no point in asking us to log hours of it! Instead we need to spend our time and energy on the skills he’s at age 2-5. Plus lots of down time at home so he’s regulated at school.

Sorry for being scattered- full of rage at his teacher!

I do try to stay on top of wverythign to bring in and pay for and sign, but there are actual things including notes and a communication book and homework sent in a zipped bag, 5 email addresses they send from, 2 websites with log ins, and as of this week a class website to check every Friday.

Probably because they are Year 1. I wouldn't engage with that either!

I think it’s time, both parents are normally working, they may have more than 1 child, there’s so much to do in the evening anyway- bath, hobbies, housework , prepping for the next day, relaxing time etc

I was also a teacher and now have my own children. It’s really tough on parents - too much to do and too little time.

I did homework with mine but with 2 of them, 1 of me (lone parent) and one with ADHD and 1 with severe ASD (in a special school so different teachers and homework) it was almost impossible!

It really was a test of parent's resilience and I'm not sure my children benefitted from homework at primary school at all.

Never been asked for 'indoor shoes ' or pencils