Why do some parents not engage with school?! Asking as a teacher!

[Purpleturtle43]

I teach a Y1 class and have been a teacher for 20 years. Never have I experienced a class where parents are so unsupportive with regards to homework and providing what they need for class!

The majority of kids don't do their homework or do a really poor job of it. Most days when I ask the children to bring their reading books out at least 5 don't have them despite parents being told weekly the children need their books in school every day as we do daily reading. Many children also so they don't read their reading books at home.

Many parents don't provide their children when the necessary stuff for school for example pencils, indoor shoes, gym kits etc. meaning so much time is spent searching for spare things and we don't have enough supplies to go around.

I am a parent of 3 school aged children and totally understand the struggle, believe me the last thing I feel like doing when I get home all day from teaching kids is to do homework with my own but I always make sure it's done and kids have what they need for school.

I am just getting to the point where I wonder why I am bothering. It takes ages to look out reading books and to prepare homework and upload it online, it all just feels like a big waste of time.

If you don't engage with school can I ask why to give me some insight so I can think of some strategies that may work. I teach in an affluent area so money isn't usually a problem and the school I work in is very mindful of not asking for much, just the basics and we would definitely provide assistance when required.

I always try to do everything perfectly for school but that’s because I’m probably emotionally stunted and still trying to impress the teacher and be the perfect pupil even though I’m nearly 40.

I'm usually a big rule follower but I don't hold much stock in doing too much out of school. I think children start school, and formal learning, way too young and so any leeway I can give to let them just be kids I will take. What they learn in school they learn, outside they play. (Reading is different, we read every night)

However, I do always make sure they have their books and pencils etc - that must be very frustrating. Also if children are consistently behind then I see that that's detrimental - mine have always been fine without extra work so I may have changed my tune if they were struggling.

I mostly ignored my kids homework in primary school, I was led by them as I don’t believe in the value of homework (or any work) that is mostly completed by parents and not the child. Like art projects done at an adult skill level but a 7 year old takes credit for it in school, shaming other kids with less “engaged” parents.
My kids read what they were interested in reading in the moment, not the Biff and Chip nonsense.
One is in University now doing very well, the other is top set in secondary school, triple science and stem representative.
so no- ignoring biff and chip did them no damage.

This is the biggest load of bollox. Education is free. If you get an education you can get a well paid job. Whether that be a doctor a dentist or a plumber. None of those careers require parental wealth or connections.

The fact that you can predict children's outcomes from their parents is less to do with wealth and more to do with attitude, experience, inherited characteristics and environmental influences.

I can only speak for myself but my children have reading, spellings, times tables rock stars and then a separate piece of homework (either maths, science or English) every night of the week that is supposed to take half an hour but is often more like 45 mins. They are 8 and 10 and honestly I think it’s way too much. I feel reading and times tables are the most important things in primary but we feel we often miss these in favour of doing the other mandatory set homework.
I also feel if homework is set it should be something children have covered already so they can do it independently - I don’t think it’s should be homework for the parents.
also agree with the comments about how work being set online that parents then have to print off and organise themselves it’s a total faff. Also a lot of mums work full time and many (inc me) work 80+ hours a week. I don’t think schools recognise this. Parents are working harder than ever and are more stressed than ever, it’s much harder than it was twenty years ago to balance everything.

Additional needs child.
Homework was always same as rest of the class phonics, writing a sentence etc.
In comparison when school could get him engaged to do work it was picture sticking sequences of something. Completely different to what he was being given as homework.

So why would he do work way above his ability suddenly at home when he wasn't able to in school.

There's also the key fact that he only engaged through play. Majority of his reduced time in school was spent running around the school or digging up the field.

So yes we didn't do any at homework instead we took the initiative to educate through play.

Free? Have you seen the fees on futher education in England?

When mine were in primary I just sent PE kit which stayed there for months, definitely no indoor shoes or pencils! If the reading books aren't in their bags surely that's a good thing as it means they've had them out at home? We read with them every day but didn't tend to push with spellings unless they wanted to, and definitely wouldn't have done any other homework at Y1 age.

As others have said, there's after school clubs/childcare, running around with older siblings, trying to get them to bed on time. It's not priority for a lot of parents. If it's OK for them to opt out and relieve you of constantly trying, is there a way you can let them know that?

I didn't realise parents could ask for their child not to be given homework?
Complete waste of time.

Haven’t RTFT but someone on first page said some parents are anti school.

I think I’m one of those. Especially since eldest has been diagnosed as ND and I work in a school!

I’m one of these parents unfortunately. When my oldest was a toddler in nursery I was able to spend a lot of time teaching him phonics and helping him learn to read. He was reading Julia Donaldson books cover to cover from a very young age.

I’ve got 2 children now and from when my youngest was about 2 my job has got insanely busy as I have had more and more put on me. I work from home a lot but regularly work late into the evening or sometimes get up in the early hours to work and get a head start on the day when everyone else is still in bed asleep. I also spend hours every week in the evening and weekends tidying up mess.

This is why my children dont read in their reading records every day and I often forget to make sure they’ve packed certain things for school.

I wouldn’t be surprised if their teachers think I’m an awful mum, but I’m just trying to do my best.

I think you just need to see it as another challenge.

There’s no point in keeping the 8 words a week and a reading book. Pick and chose your battles and work your way up.

• If spelling is the most important, cut back to two words a week. Add an additional word every two/three weeks when you feel confident that the kids will be able to handle the task.
• With reading groups. Say there is three books chosen. Chose to read the whole book to each reading group at the beginning of the week. It takes away a lot of anxiety and engages them with the story with no pressure. Reduce the number of pages a week for homework, not the whole book. You can build up to a full book when you know the children and parents are ready.
• Reduce your expectations about PE kit etc. Kids can still participate in their school uniform. Trainers etc should stay in school.
• Talk to your Head about stationary days at school at the beginning of each term. Where parents can purchase at school pencils for the children. Also ask your Head to put out a community message for donations of stationary items to the school. Pencils, colouring pencils, erasers. All children must label their pencils and stay in a pot at school.
• Sticky labels on the kids uniforms- with any quick note needed to go home ‘Please can Harry bring in his PE kit tomorrow’. Otherwise kids lose notes, diaries, parents don’t check bags or online platforms.

You can’t operate like you have for 20 years, this is a new challenge so you are going to have to adapt.

Free at the point of use, yes.

I don't think the threads you've referred to are indicative of most teachers, I haven't seen them so I can't be sure. I haven't heard teachers blaming parents unless they are neglecting their children and even then they try to see it from the parents side, are they battling addictions or poor mental health, can they help the parent in any way. Teachers want the best for the children, that's why they chose teaching.

I agree that we are all busy blaming each other and getting nowhere but teachers are leaving as you've pointed out so perhaps we need to change the narrative of teachers vs parents and try to get back to working together for the benefit of the children and having functional schools.

Thankfully my DCs prep school didn’t set homework other than the odd fun project. I think setting homework for DCs not old enough to organise themselves to do it is at best optimistic.

This! Year 1s really don't need homework, encourage them to read at home by all means, but set homework is unnecessary at this stage.

The fact that you can predict children's outcomes from their parents is less to do with wealth and more to do with attitude, experience, inherited characteristics and environmental influences

Er, no it isn't. Never has been.

https://ifs.org.uk/articles/uk-education-system-preserves-inequality-new-report#:~:text=There%20is%20a%20strong%20relationship,households%20have%20graduated%20from%20university.

At that age I think it's too much. We do reading and I believe reading is great for kids and if child wants to do the homework that's up to them.

They are in school all day then they are expected to do more work when they get home? Let them have fun and play, they learn a lot through play.

Imagine doing work all day, getting home and then doing more work as an adult, we would hate it.
It's important to rest and let the day sink in.
This country expects way too much from young children, other countries don't even start until they are 7.

I assume the homework is a school policy.

We scrapped homework at our infant schools many years ago, other than encouraging daily reading.

Spelling tests don't work. Craft based projects are pointless when done at home, as is most other homework at this age tbh. Scrapping homework has had no negative effects in our children's progress at all.

Our children don't have to bring in their own pencils, etc. school provide everything like that.

I agree about reading books - it's very frustrating when the books don't get brought back in. Ours have to be brought in each Friday, along with their reading diaries. Several rarely do so. It then means that child doesn't get another one until they are returned.

We read a different book in school each week to the one sent home.

@ExIssues Education does not lead to well paid jobs any more.

https://www.theguardian.com/money/article/2024/aug/29/uk-graduates-struggle-job-market
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx27924llwxo
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p09wsp1h

Why if education leads to a well paid job are so many graduates in minimum wage work?

Research regarding the link between inequality/parental wealth and poor educational outcomes:

https://ifs.org.uk/articles/uk-education-system-preserves-inequality-new-report
https://www.jrf.org.uk/care/does-money-affect-childrens-outcomes

They get weekly spelling words and a spelling test on a Friday. I would expect parents, especially of those who are struggling with reading, to try and make an effort to help them improve.

Reading - yes.
Spelling - most research has said for a long time that memorising spellings for a weekly test doesn't improve long term spelling, so that may be why some parents don't bother.

Lazy parents who are raising lazy kids.

Correlation does not equal causation.
Anyway someone from a deprived background is most likely lacking in all the things I listed, not just wealth. How can you single out wealth as being the one that's causing the problem?

I don't agree with homework for small children. They need to unwind after hours of trying to sit still. My son does his reading and numbots (maths computer game) but not set homework. As for reading books, half the time at our school the teacher doesn't give them a new books for days on end, over half term he didn't get a book so had the same one for more than two weeks and obviously is bored of it after day three. Now he's allowed to choose his own book, he came home with a book suitable for a three year old! He's just grabbed any old book no one checks what books they are selecting. It's quite shambolic. I've taken to reading our own books. You are being unreasonable about equipment, I work in a school and kids aren't expected to bring in their own pencils!

See it’s this judgmental tone for me. I’d say get off your high horse. An exhausted mum, trying to juggle life, talking to her kid about their day in the kitchen while making dinner is just as good a mum as one who practices spellings every week.