DD making her own way home from a bar job in the city centre.

[Theteenagerera]

DD has just turned 18 and is currently doing her A levels, she has an unconditional for a uni away from home and so will be moving to said city in the summer.

She has had a few part time jobs in her teens but due to a family house move last year had to leave the last one and has struggled to find anything since.

We live on the outskirts of not a particularly nice city and it’s a good 45-50 minutes home by bus. She has just had an interview for a city centre pub and was asked if she could work to 2am which DD has said is not a problem!!

We have just had words on her way home as while I’m glad the interview went well I just don’t think I’d be comfortable with her getting a night bus back on her own while the pubs and clubs are piling out. Her argument is she hasn’t been able to find anything else so it’s this or nothing and I know she really wants the money.

For full transparency we have never put any pressure on her to find a job however I don’t think she has put as much effort into the hunting as she says she has…

some of that is not her fault as obv mid A levels however she also has the classic teen mentality things she wants will just fall into her lap and when nervous and can come across quite fumbly with words so nothing has come of introducing herself and handing CV’s into places or phone call to potential employers despite her having barista, front of house, till/closing up experience.

AIBU to think that she probably can find something with more suitable hours if she tried and that it’s quite dangerous for a young girl (albeit an adult, just,) to be walking about, standing at a bus stop and making her way home at 2am?!

The reason I brought moving away from uni and that I posted on here before I discuss with DH is he much more laid back than me already thinks that I am over protective and I know his response is going to be “she is 18 and is going to have to navigate all this stuff on her own in a few months” which I agree to an extent but I feel while she is at home we should still be guiding her to make safe and sensible decisions.

AIBU and would you be happy for your own DC to do this?

Your daughter sounds like a very capable and hard working person. She's done so well to get an unconditional offer and a job! I completely understand your worries. However, it probably is good experience for her. She'll be living away soon enough and probably doing similar work. My eldest's first job at uni was in a bar/club in a really rough part of the city. My anxiety was - if anything - worse because he was so far away. But I was glad that, like your DD, he'd had some experience of the job and getting home after the late finish previously. It was pretty scant reassurance but it was some! What does annoy me is that when I worked till 3am in clubs in the 90s, we were provided with taxis home as standard. I think it's really irresponsible of businesses to no longer do this. But for every minimum wage bar job - in a university town especially - there are numerous candidates for each and every minimum wage role. It sucks. The worry doesn't go away. But you probably have to support her choice here.

They certainly didn't in all jobs. I was working as a 16-21 year old in the late 90s early 2000s in bars, restaurants and then doing care work starting and finishing at all hours day and night and none of them ever provided a taxi.

I'm not sure what planet you live on where pubs pay for that sort of thing.

OP, your daughter sounds like an admirable young woman and you should be very proud of her. She'll be fine, but the point is that this is her decision to make. You won't know what she's up to once she gets to university!

Generally I don't understand why anyone would encourage their teens to work in a bar, surrounded by drunk people, let alone late at night. It doesn't provide any better work experience than retail or similar.

If there is no other choice and she has a real need for the money, then it is what is. But that's the case here, so why?

(Edit to say: I've got nothing against an 18yo going out to bars or pubs btw, I just think it's a shit job and shit work conditions for most young people. It's not very compatible with studying either)

Some definitely did. I had a shared taxi home with other staff.

I think you're right that they won't do it but I still think they should if employing young non drivers. It's a dangerous world and a young woman regularly finishing work late is vulnerable.

Oh the days we did this, while away as students in other countries, with no mobile phones! A couple of phone calls a week to say we were OK, now seconds with a mobile. Xx

Can’t you just give her an allowance to tide her over until she can get a summer job? Right now she needs to be focusing on exams, the last thing she needs is to be working all hours and traipsing home through the city in the middle of the night.

My daughter and all her friends would get Ubers if they were on their own in cities at that time of night.

My dd is exactly the same age and is in her last year of school, about to do A levels. She turned 18 last weekend and had her first night out in town which I was a bit worried about but knew that she would stick with her friends and that they’d all get an Uber back together.
I would hate her to be working til the early hours and getting a bus back by herself though! It’s a totally different situation. Being by herself does make your dd more vulnerable. What if some creep follows her from the bar to the bus stop? Who’s going to help her?Yes, she’s 18, legally an adult and you have no right to stop her. But if it was my dd I’d try my damndest! So I’m with you op, Yanbu!

A city centre car park would take a chunk of her wages. Plus she'd have to walk through the car park late at night.

The uni bar I used to work in would pay for (shared) cab fares home for the student bar staff when closing after midnight. I don't think that was common practice outside of student bars though.

If Wetherspoons, they often let the staff move to a pub nearest university then back to original in holiday. And she will be popular at university with her Wetherspoons discount. They also pay above minimum wage.
What about a scooter?

Driving would open up opportunities for jobs further afield and maybe nearer her home.

Loads of city centres have free parking after a certain time.

If they were pressed to all that would happen is they would move to employing men, or people with their own transport. There's enough people looking for jobs that they don't need to employ anyone that will require extra fannying about.

IME, pubs and restaurants really don't give a shit about employees.

My DD was in a similar position and we similarly panicked!

However what I learnt and saw for myself was that the bus stops are usually well populated at 2am and the night buses are usually busy with students and young people.

Having said that, every time she was on a 2am finish I woke at 2am. I'd text her about her shift etc and go back to sleep when she was on the bus.

How many nights will she be finishing at 2am?

Your understanding if the job market and how to get a job is so wildly out of date.

No, walking up and down the high street with a paper CV will not get you anywhere. You'll just annoy people.

And there are hundreds of applicants per job. An 18 year old will already be at a disadvantage - your dd has done well if she does get this gig.

I don’t know what to say @Theteenagerera but all I know is my parents would collect me when I worked that late. No questions asked. And I would do the same for me dc. But that’s just us.

I would be worried too.

YANBU to worry.

YABU to expect her not to tke this job.

An 18 year old taking a night bus is not really that big a deal. Yes, a young woman alone, is absolutely more vulnerable and the risk of drunk, stupid people is there. BUT, avoiding this completely is not goign to help her navigate these challenges and frankly, as she'll be sober (I assume) she's LESS vulnerable than many.

My DC got a job like this last summer. No luck on any of the websites. Loads of independent business still hire like this.

I also just want to say that parents worrying about teenagers or young adults, or even into "proper" adulthood is normal. That doesn't mean we should try to stop them from doing things. Part of our job as parents is to suck up th eworry and help them learn to navigate these challenges.

I’m not sure where your understanding of this has came from but this is exactly how DD has found her last 3 jobs.

How can you do that if you have to get up for work yourself in the morning?