What's the worst thing someone did when you had a baby?

[JustBiscoff]

Currently 37 weeks pregnant with DC2, and really starting to feel the wear and tear of juggling opportunities to rest, with working part-time and looking after a very active two year old.

The birth of DC1 had been a fairly traumatic forceps delivery, in which I lost almost 2.5 litres of blood and the baby was quite badly jaundiced, therefore requiring a prolonged stay in hospital. DC was the first grandchild/great nephew for both sides of the family, so received a constant flow of visitors in the first fortnight at home. PIL visited on day 3, and expected to be waited on hand and foot. I was still bleeding, barely able to stand up, and having a nightmare establishing breastfeeding...cue MIL clicking her fingers at DH, to 'collect the baby from his wife' so she could have a turn holding him. FIL asked me to leave the room twice whenever I needed to breastfeed, and following an hour long photo shoot of MIL holding DC (it later transpired they hadn't taken a single photo of me holding him), she demanded to know when dinner would be ready, 'because we've had such a tiring car journey'. At that point, DH almost saw red, and firmly cut the visit short, sending PIL on their way. I hope they are more considerate this time round!

FIL asked you to leave the room to bf, in your own house?
I’m stunned! And still stunned if it wasn’t in your house.
sounds horrible and I’m glad your DH saw sense.
it’s a minefield navigating keeping everyone happy with a newborn, the U.K. doesn’t prioritise the mother’ recovery really at all!
I think with subsequent children, visitors assume that you’ve got this, you’ve done it once before and you are managing to make meals for yourselves so they bypass offering to cook or bring food. I’ve had this experience and had parents complain to family about the lack of lunch (that we hadn’t anticipated).
All the best for baby number 2!

My sd tried to kick me and dd out of his and my mum's home when she was a few days old.

I had asked my mum not to send photos of dd to people as I needed time to get my head together and was worried about something happening to her.

They did not respect this and took a photo of her in her cot at the hospital and sent it to their mates. Bear in mind, I didn't know these people and was clearly struggling with my mh.

I was upset by this and politely asked them not to and why they couldnt respect my wishes. Dm then started crying to step dad saying I was bullying her

They clearly had the opinion that I had 'ended up a single mum' and that they could take the fucking piss out of me with zero consequence.

We've been estranged almost 5 years 🙏❤️

You hope they're more considerate?
You are waaaaaayyyyy too nice.
I hope and fervently pray that you find your boundaries and if they pull any shit remotely like that you tell them to fuck right off.

I have no stories, but please, priorise your well-being at this time. This includes not having the selfish, disrespectful idiots back in your home any time soon after giving birth, instead of wishing they find compassion.

I'm sorry you've had such a traumatic time, and I hope this time will be better 🙏🏾.

Her ‘father’ who took me to court to say he didn’t want any access told me I didn’t deserve her.

Someone sneezed over her basket when she was days old. They didn’t even cover their nose. It may sound minor to some but I had a stream of unwanted visitors who knew my parents and not me. Now I’m older I would tell people no at the door without hesitation.

SIL and MIL kept telling me about a baby they’d known who died from SIDs when DS was a newborn. It was a bit like … it’s very sad but whhhy? Sorry your friend did that, can only hope it’s a thoughtless sort of moment.

I know somebody who would come out with something like this. In their head they are telling you to be careful.

Gave me a copy of The Contented Little Baby book, praising how her 2 kids were sleeping through the night at 6 months and napping to a schedule.

Drove myself half demented trying to follow the sleep/feeding routines.

Turns out my fractious, sleep resistant, non napping, fussy baby was in fact autistic and still doesn't sleep 15 years later ... 🤦🏻‍♀️

She was my first and last! 😂

my mum didn't speak to me for over a year because i didn't have her at my daughters birth, i called her from the hospital and she put the phone down on me

Nothing as awful as previous posters, but one relative and their spouse kept turning up, staying for hours, and obviously expected meals. Never brought anything or offered to help. I’ve no idea why they kept coming. I had to ask them to stop after a few weeks and they got the hump! They got over it, but why would you expect a Mum with a newborn to feed you?!

My daughter's father left when I was pregnant. My parents wouldn't allow me home because of the shame of having a single parent in the family.

I was very young when I had my first (but an adult) and was temporarily living with my ex in laws. Ex MIL was an awful woman. In the couple of months we lived there she:

• insisted on taking my baby to visit family without me (less than a week old)
• bullied me into stopping breastfeeding so she could help at night, and then never once helped at night, or even for 10 mins while I showered.
• convinced me my baby settled better with her because she had bigger boobs
• told me I was making a rod for my own back and was spoiling my baby by picking him up when he cried
• sat in when the home visitor came and made out I was useless and she was helping me
• was conducting an affair right in front of me during the day while both our partners were at work, barefaced lying to everyone including my partner who thought I was losing the plot

It was the most stressful couple of months of my life. I wish I’d had the courage to stand up to her, or the means to get a place before baby was born.

Mine was an old friend/acquaintance coming round and I made her lunch (flip knows why) and she just did a lot of eyebrow raising and said she probably wouldn't have kids herself, and then didn't help clear up or anything. Spent the afternoon clearing up while trying to look after the baby. Didn't text to say thank you. God knows why she wanted to see me.

Not a popular view on MN but the worst thing people did (unintentionally) was try to mollycoddle me. Ordering me ‘SIT’ and rummaging in my cupboards for tea cups etc. Just no. I have had a baby, not become disabled. I hate been fussed and pawed over, and my house is my space and I don’t want people faffing with my cupboard.

Meet ups outside the home all the way.

He was using the services of prostitutes when I was 3 months PP.
He told me I was a failure when I couldn’t manage to crack breastfeeding.

Honestly just all the demands from other people and their 'right' to my baby. Particularly MIL and her constant need to be with my dd on her own and take her away from me. Turning up to stay over for multiple nights without asking and coming into my room during night when dd cried.
We get on really well now but that period has tarnished my thoughts of her

I actually found managing the church meal train one of the most stressful things with my DC1.

While I obviously appreciated people making food for us, it ended up with me constantly glued to my phone coordinating visits, people texting asking if they could park in my street and if they needed to pay for a ticket, being given complicated instructions for preparing the meals, overstaying their welcome and expecting to eat the meal with us (!!), or harassing me for weeks afterwards about getting their Tupperware containers back…

For babies 2 and 3, I politely declined the meal train and we lived off freezer meals and eggs on toast for 6 weeks. Best decision ever.

Dc one and two came home to my DM helping with DH..bliss

DC3 came home to MIL and FIl having been looking after dc 1 and 2 for all of 8 hrs on their own as DH had gone home overnight. They had ‘forgot’ to wind in the awning and it had been windy overnight and the whole thing had flapped up and down so much it bent the struts and sagged horribly forever more…but you didnt tell us that would happen if we didnt wind it in (but I asked them to not leave it open overnight) and also to the whole kitchen damp/slightly flooded because they sent 2 small dc upstairs to get ready for bed on their own, and they dropped their flannels in the basin and didnt turn the tap all the way off, so the basin overflowed over night and flooded the kitchen. Then when I got home, they left me to pull out stuff from cabinets and get fans etc to try and dry things out (which they hadnt thought to do) while insisting that DH run around after them as they were SO exhausted from watching (not) the 2 dc for the morning. DH has now thankfully wised up to MIL narcissism and FIL enabling her and if had happened now, it would have been a different outcome.

Made to feel like a failure by pretty much everyone for failing at breastfeeding.

My now ex mil was always so surprised that my newborns didn't sleep through the night. She pointedly told us that dh slept through from day 2 😆

With ds1 we didn't find out if we were having a boy/girl which my in laws found totally bizarre. They'd convinced themselves that we knew and weren't telling them after I had bought a unisex teddy which happened to have blue spots on its ears. Anyway we had a boy and the first thing they did when they met him was smugly tell us that they "already knew we were having a boy" and moan again at my then dh because we didn't tell them!!!

My mum was obsessed with the notion of me going out and doing things, they visited when ds2 was 3 days old and were surprised I hadn't been out for a family day out. Not only did we have a newborn and toddler but it was sub zero temperatures and snowing outside. Mil also asked if we "had been up to much!!!" Not much at all, just had a baby 3 days ago....

But the worst thing was when my friend wanted to visit and text me in the morning asking to come and visit in the afternoon. I replied saying no, it wasn't a good day because I was exhausted and ds1 was crying a lot. She turned up anyway and knocked on the door. I didn't answer so she shouted through the letterbox asking why I wasn't answering, said something about how "shutting myself away" wouldn't help!! I felt perfectly fine mentally, but I had just got ds1 down for a sleep finally and wanted to sleep myself!! She then looked through my living room window then knocked on my neighbours door to ask them what my deal was. Our friendship never recovered!

I thought the same. They don’t realise how it’s not appropriate in that situation and are trying to help. It’s a shocking story and probably worry about such dangers.

How does this kind of thing happen?

I cannot believe that this kind of behaviour comes out of the blue and therefore I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone with parents like this. Getting married and having a family means having involvement with their family - if their parents are this vile what’s the point of signing up to years of bollocks.

@JustBiscoff if I were you I’d tell them they aren’t welcome after last time.

My PIL were there as soon as we got home from hospital. They made me food and drinks and let me rest whilst they looked after the baby if that’s what I wanted. I literally couldn’t have coped without them (and still couldn’t). However this wasn’t a surprise because they were amazing from the day I met them.

Oh I got it wrong. The absolute worst thing was arguing with my then dh when ds1 was 2 weeks old. Ds1 crying and neither of us could settle him. H trying to settle him but I could see he was getting frustrated so I asked him to pass DS over. He looked at me like I was a piece of shit on his shoe and said "why, so you can drip your milk all over him? You're a terrible mum". He then stormed out. I've never forgotten or forgiven him.