What's the worst thing someone did when you had a baby?

[JustBiscoff]

Currently 37 weeks pregnant with DC2, and really starting to feel the wear and tear of juggling opportunities to rest, with working part-time and looking after a very active two year old.

The birth of DC1 had been a fairly traumatic forceps delivery, in which I lost almost 2.5 litres of blood and the baby was quite badly jaundiced, therefore requiring a prolonged stay in hospital. DC was the first grandchild/great nephew for both sides of the family, so received a constant flow of visitors in the first fortnight at home. PIL visited on day 3, and expected to be waited on hand and foot. I was still bleeding, barely able to stand up, and having a nightmare establishing breastfeeding...cue MIL clicking her fingers at DH, to 'collect the baby from his wife' so she could have a turn holding him. FIL asked me to leave the room twice whenever I needed to breastfeed, and following an hour long photo shoot of MIL holding DC (it later transpired they hadn't taken a single photo of me holding him), she demanded to know when dinner would be ready, 'because we've had such a tiring car journey'. At that point, DH almost saw red, and firmly cut the visit short, sending PIL on their way. I hope they are more considerate this time round!

In law relative Kindly "loaned " us clothes for baby dd. Turned up and Delivered wet in a bin bag. I had 2 dc under 2 year old. I then had to dry them and Mark labels so we knew what to return.

When I had DS I was volunteer treasurer for my professional association. I had a traumatic birth, CS under general anaesthetic. Within a week the association was badgering me because they happened to be moving premises that week and needed me to liaise with the cleaner to hand in her key.

Yikes some of these are dreadful! I'm 30 weeks with baby no. 2 and I'm so thankful for my helpful mum who just wanted to look after me when DD was born two years ago. I was recovering from a c-section so she helped DH with food, kept the house tidy and only held baby if I asked her to because I needed a break. I'm sure she'll be the same this time around. DH was also brilliant and with them tag-teaming it did feel like the easiest recovery ever.

My MIL isn't nasty but she is a strange one! When DD was a few weeks old my PIL and SIL came to stay with us for a weekend as they live quite far away. I thought they wanted to spend time with DD but MIL went out shopping both days and to get her nails done. Basically she has said previously she sees coming to stay with us as a bit of a "holiday" so she was enjoying herself. OK, not everyone is a baby person. My DH was upset though and called her out on it. She said she felt she couldn't spend time with DD because I was "hogging" her by breastfeeding.

She wasn't even in the blimming house most of the weekend!

Couldn't your DH have dealt with them while you showered?

My mil took over a week to come and visit ( 20 minutes away) as she couldn't leave the dogs. When she did come she took baby and announced that I would need her as I wouldn't be able to cope.
I never ever once asked her for help, not even for five minutes!

First baby, Hospital 7 days, very traumatic birth, long story, DC had to be resuscitated, my epidural went too high and I was numb from neck down, 11 people in the room trying to deliver baby, 4 had to hold me on the bed one under each arm one under each leg to keep me from being dragged off as they dragged him out and I passed out. They let me leave lunch time the next day even though I had a massive headache, I had him at 8 the night before (turned out puncture had gone in too far and I was blue lighted back in 3 days later with no fluid left surrounding my brain - but that's another story). Stepmum rang and asked to speak to me when I was in the throws of labour for an update - I refused phone call.
When we arrived home, there was mum and dad waiting, MIL, SIL, his best friend, his BFFs girlfriend with child in tow all sat waiting outside the house. All followed us in wanting to hold baby. Making tea, laughing and chatting away and I am laid on the couch, banging head thinking WTF

Thank god you have a supportive husband to stand up for you, OP.

• The first thing ex-MIL said to me the first time she met the baby - he has deformed legs (he doesn't).
• The first thing FIL said - I always thought you'd be the worst mother on earth.
• Now ex a couple of weeks after birth - said he'd invited his brother and brother's girlfriend to meet the baby. Lovely, I always liked now ex-BIL and his partner. I made the effort to get dressed up, tidied the flat, they came and admired baby for an hour, then now ex stands up and says, 'right, we're off to lunch now. I'm taking them to [name's my favourite restaurant].' I am totally flabbergasted he's not even thought of inviting me to go with them! Ex informs me I'll be staying home with the baby. BIL's girlfriend looks moritified and asks if she can bring me a take-away from the restaurant back. I decline and off they go. One of the many reasons he is an ex.

I'm horrified reading some of these.

I must be not as nice as some of you because I would have just gone and had a shower anyway. Even if the Queen showed up lol

I'm pregnant with my first, I am nervous about these things, but I don't understand what people mean by someone insisting on being waited on hand and foot, making you run around making drinks and lunch for them. Can't you just not do it? And then they'll leave earlier lol

This is not having a go at any women that experienced this. Anyone demanding anything from a woman who's just given birth is ridiculous, and you shouldn't need to stand up for yourself in the early stages.

Not always. Baby 1 no I ended up in theatre after birth was in a lot of pain when home. Could barely sit down.

My second yes it would have been fine.

My third was even worse. Ended up in theatre after birth but the pain was so much more intense then with my 1st I was kept in longer for pain management. It took about a week after getting home before I could manage the stairs at home by myself.

When I was (very obviously) on the verge of giving birth to my first DC, an acquaintance told me all about her friend who had just lost a baby at 40 weeks pregnant. Umm… ok… so sorry to hear that but bloody hell, who says that to a heavily pregnant woman?!

Oh because you needed your husbands help to get upstairs/shower so you couldn't just go do it yourself? That makes sense, I was being pretty naive tbh.

I have told my husband I would hate to come home and there were people there. I'm an introvert and I will desperately want to have time to get the baby settled, me cleaned up as possible, cup of tea ideally.

I'm really annoyed thinking about how rude people are to pregnant women/new mothers. We would never ever treat someone who'd just had an operation this way.

Pretty much. It was an awful time. I ended up with midwife's until day 28 as well. Didn't help my on ended up being called into work as an emergency so we ended up getting some paid help.

There was no way I'd of been able to run around after people. I couldn't even run around after my toddler

I wasn't going to say this due to shame,but the shames not mine so here goes (I'm asking people to not judge me)

No3 baby-i didn't know I was pregnant until the Monday and gave birth on the Saturday

6 whole days to wrap your head around having a baby

I was fine in hospital,but as soon as I got home,I walked into pnd

I felt bloody awful and went to the doctors for help-my (narcissistic) mother 'helpfully' rang for an appointment for me as I was in no fit state to do it myself

Only to be sent away again with the words 'go home and have a nice cup of tea'

I kept going back for help (with my mother making me the appointments) as I was losing my grip on realty and was getting worse

Each and every time,she sent me away again-more than once,I was called a 'bloody timewaster'

For some reason,I was at my mother's house and I clearly remember standing by my old bedroom window,holding my (then) 3 month old baby and then it goes black-I honestly don't remember anything bar his weight in my arms

I'm told my mother had followed me upstairs,seen me standing there and asked what I was doing

'I'm going to throw him out of this window'

She apparently took him away from me,bundled us into the car,dumped us and the baby bits at home and drove off-I sort of remember standing in my hallway and just couldn't move at all

I don't have a clue what happened next-the next 6 months are a blank but I did start to get better

My next clear memory is at the park and watching dd come down the slide but she was bigger than I remembered

Years later,through a lot of laughter and snorts,she told me the 'funny' story of how I tried to throw him away

It turned out,that by making the appointments for me,she'd made her own appointment just before I was due to go and would openly chat with the doctor about how I was 'attention seeking' 'lying' and 'making it all up'

The doctor had been blinded by my mother's narc charm and as they saw each other at least 3 times a week (and had done for years) for my mother's made up ailments,it was easy for my mother to get the doctor to believe this bollocks and not believe me

No such thing as patient confidentiality with these two-i was openly discussed and not believed (I know this to be true as other things happened over the years)

My mother told this 'hilarious' story to anyone who would listen about how she saved my sons life and what a bitch I was for trying to kill him (she's very charming and comes across as an ace mother)

She even told the baby in question when he got old enough-all tarted up as 'I'm the good guy and your mother didn't want you-i did tho!what a good person i am'

That took at lot of explaining and tears (thankfully he doesn't hold it against me)

I did try to complain about that doctor when I got strong enough but they closed ranks and said I was lying-my mother wouldn't be able to discuss me in the way she did due to confidentiality (which was bollocks-i only got privacy when I finally switched doctors surgery) and was importantly believed when I had it again with the next baby (and my mother didn't come near us-my friends dealt with all the appointments)

I'm sure that's why she got my father to throw everything down my stairs-as an act of revenge for not allowing her to play the good guy again and he simply went along with it (as the weak fool he is)

I'm nc with them-the tales I could tell

Make sure you have a list of jobs/chores/tasks ready to go. When he comments tell him you're pleased he noticed and as he isn't currently busy he'll find the cleaning products under the sink/lawnmower in the shed/list of wanted food items you would like him to pick up etc etc

@Poppymeldrum absolutely no judgment from me. I have read your posts before about the stairs incident and it always stuck in my mind. I just want to wish you and all the other posters here lots of love and good thoughts. It beggars belief that anyone could treat new mothers like this.

Good for you they sound toxic as hell.

Thank you

Thank you so much

I wrote my first post,explained on my 2nd post,went for a shower,spoke to dp about my 3rd post and if I should write it and he said its up to me,I cried and then started writing

I'd never do that to anyone-if my mother had been my (now) mother in law,we'd have gone to the doctors together,she would have held my hand with one arm and held my baby with the other,spoken up for me the second the doctor started on the 'go home,have a cup of tea' and she wouldn't have allowed the 'your a bloody time waster and a drain in the nhs'

She would have put me to bed,made me a cup of tea,gently helped me without interfering and just helped me get help while just being there,kicking dps arse and supporting him to support me (I bloody worship that woman)

That's what I needed

Not my own mother stopping me from getting help,making fun of me behind my back,lying left,right and centre,claiming she did everything for me but doing fuck all and making it all worse-then telling the child in question the story but making me out to be a bad guy

She will swear she did nothing wrong and she 'only tried to help'

Sorry about your experience OP, that’s awful. I do hope they behave better this time.

When my newborn DD was seriously ill in hospital and it looked like she wouldn’t make it, a lovely “friend” commented that I was lucky to be able to leave her in her incubator for so many days as it gave me time to recover from the birth.

We stopped being friends right there and then.

I’m so sorry that happened to you. And thank you for sharing that. It could really help someone on here x

I was going to comment a similar story.

The amount of people who told me I was “lucky” that baby was in hospital in the nicu because I could go home and sleep. But actually I was visiting multiple times a day, had no time to recover from my c section. Couldn’t sleep at night because my tiny newborn was in hospital.

I actually had one friend tell me she was jealous because her first week was “so much harder” as all she was doing was sitting on sofa breastfeeding and didn’t have “help from hospital staff looking after baby”

My parents and relatives came the day after I got home from hospital, when another family member had just had a pregnancy loss. All somber faces and heavy sighs, offered to make them tea - 'no whole milk? No, then' - at one point one of them got up in the middle of the room and was pacing around talking loudly to our relative about the loss. I remember being in tears as it was an emotional time for everyone but I just felt no support or happiness from anyone during our first visit coming home from the hospital.

They sounds awful, I always say that people who visit soon after birth should only stay a very short amount of time unless they are willing to be helpful!
It's just so rude to expect to be waited on when someone's just given birth.
We stayed at my in laws house when my daughter was 5 months old, she was crying in the night and I was a bit panicked trying to put her on the nipple to calm her down because I didn't want to wake anyone up but she was rejecting the nipple, my MIL came into our bedroom whilst I was topless to berate us for waking people up.

My ex-sil came to visit me less than 12 hours after I gave birth, sat down, stinking of grease (from her greasy cafe job) and smoke and demanded that I give her my baby while I made her a cup of tea because she had been at work for 4 hours and was knackered. Then DH told her that she knew where the kettle and tea bags were kept

Screen shot the picture and put it all over face book congratulating us, before we told everyone!

She was a very needy attention seeking "pick me pick me" Look at me look at me kinda gal at the time!

Thank you, I'm free now, and I really am okay 💕