What's the worst thing someone did when you had a baby?

[JustBiscoff]

Currently 37 weeks pregnant with DC2, and really starting to feel the wear and tear of juggling opportunities to rest, with working part-time and looking after a very active two year old.

The birth of DC1 had been a fairly traumatic forceps delivery, in which I lost almost 2.5 litres of blood and the baby was quite badly jaundiced, therefore requiring a prolonged stay in hospital. DC was the first grandchild/great nephew for both sides of the family, so received a constant flow of visitors in the first fortnight at home. PIL visited on day 3, and expected to be waited on hand and foot. I was still bleeding, barely able to stand up, and having a nightmare establishing breastfeeding...cue MIL clicking her fingers at DH, to 'collect the baby from his wife' so she could have a turn holding him. FIL asked me to leave the room twice whenever I needed to breastfeed, and following an hour long photo shoot of MIL holding DC (it later transpired they hadn't taken a single photo of me holding him), she demanded to know when dinner would be ready, 'because we've had such a tiring car journey'. At that point, DH almost saw red, and firmly cut the visit short, sending PIL on their way. I hope they are more considerate this time round!

Some of these 😱😭 and most from family members too

I had my first DC 450 miles away from my hometown, rushed home and emailed my mother a photo of newborn DD to be informed she looked awfully fat and ginger. I also looked terrible with my spotty skin (burst blood vessels from pushing). Got criticised for breastfeeding and that I was starving the poor baby and being selfish not letting anyone else feed her.

For one of my births the baby’s dad went out a week later to wet the baby’s head and slept with someone else before coming home to us. That wasn’t great.

For another my MIL, who was not invited to the birth, turned up at the birth, and the first I knew about it was when she ran in just minutes before my baby was born excitedly shouting she’d brought the towels! (She had in fact brought a stack of towels)

And one of them my boss told me not to bother coming back as I had no job to come back to and I wouldn’t be getting my last months pay or any maternity pay so I had better make other plans. That was when my baby was about 18 hours old.

I overheard MIL on the phone telling FIL all about my 3rd degree tear and how I had to go to theatre to have my privates stitched up.

The Bounty lady ripped my curtain open without asking. I was lying on the bed with my legs apart on a few waterproof pads. I'd had an episiotomy and bad tear. I'd had dozens of stitches. The midwife made me lie down to air them while I fed my son. She'd pinned a note asking staff to ask before entering. The Bounty lady opened the curtain and asked if I had my pack of freebies. The lady across the way had an out of hours visitor who saw everything. The MW went ape shit at her.😆

Why do people do this? I specifically instructed my DP not to give out any medical details at all. Yet I found myself in active labour (so unable to think straight or protest) hearing him say shit like "She's 5 cm dilated" to our parents on the phone. Makes me angry to this day.

A very nasty nurse actually made me cry because she refused to allow me to hold my own new baby. She insisted all babies had to stay in the nursery except when they were being fed. I'll never forget her yelling at me to stop ringing the bell because she was not going to bring my baby to my room and then self righteously reprimanding me, "we don't want our babies spoiled!"

OMG....I can't believe what I've been reading on here- soo sad and shocking most of the stories! :(

Well she had to go back to work! You want her to be dismissed?

I came out of hospital to find MIL had installed herself in our home for the next two weeks. On that first night home with new DD MIL insisted that we all go out to a pub for dinner. I can't believe I went and took DD, at just 2 days old. Then MIL threw a tantrum in the pub because there was nothing she fancied on the menu and dragged us to a better restaurant. I was almost in tears either exhaustion.
It had to be all about her.

My husband got angry in the car on the way home from the hospital because the baby started crying and I wanted him to stop the car so I could sit in the back with him.

I hadn't been able to sit in the back because his daughter had wanted to sit with the baby.
I was crying and the baby was crying but he only pulled over when his daughter asked him to.

He was bringing me home from a days long induction and emergency C-section to a house with no heating because the boiler had broken and he was waiting for me to get back and fix it. And no food in because he'd been drowning his sorrows over having a boy/baby for the last 2 days while I was in hospital. We were going to get a takeaway apparently. Oh and he'd lost the house keys so we had to wait for a locksmith too.

Luckily my parents came. My dad sorted the boiler and dinner and my mum helped me unpack and sort the bedroom. I don't know what I would have done without them.

As you can probably tell the bullshit behaviour didn't end there.

caught my baby's father shagging a work colleague in our bed, our baby was about 2 months old. I had been out for a couple of hours to see a friend, she had "popped round to see the lovely baby" and the poor things just could not resist each other!

Left me

My exMiL used to live across the road from us. Literally across the road.

My DD2 (ex's DD1) was a screamer. She'd scream for hours, sleep for a hour and then start screaming again.

She settled down eventually but my ex used to pop into his Mum's for a cuppa (for cuppa read "a couple of beers") and she would tell him all about how many hours I'd "left the baby screaming" and about how she was so worried I must have gone out and left her alone. Ex would harass and harass me about it, believing his Mum. It was Gaslighting 101.

Until one day we'd had a day out with my elder DD and the baby. I popped into his Mum's with him and heard her in the kitchen telling him about the screaming that had gone on all day long, that she thought he should leave me and move into hers with the baby. I took great delight in pointing out that we'd been out ALL DAY so whatever baby she heard screaming wasn't ours! There was no screaming baby, she just wanted the ex to come "home" and bring DD2 with him.

Same woman who told me after our son died at 24 weeks pregnant that I'd killed him because I didn't want a boy (??)

and

When I was pg with our youngest told me that I'd need to have a prenatal DNA test done because SHE didn't believe I was faithful to my ex. When the baby was born, she stormed out and refused to have anything to do with us because the baby had blue eyes and "all of OUR babies have brown eyes". Ex took her side in everything, gaslit me from here to kingdom come until one night, I'd just had enough and sent him home to Mummy.

I have blue eyes - DS was two days old at the time - and still has blue eyes now.

Thankfully I left Ex when DS was 11 weeks old and was NC with her from then on.

The day I heard she'd died I danced up the street singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead on my way to pick the kids up from school.

I gave birth during Covid so was alone in the ward afterwards - my mother came up to visit - hadn't put photos up / announced name yet as baby hadn't met my eldest child (who couldn't come to the hospital due to their rules)
Before she had even walked out the hospital she had messaged her best friend all the details of baby - with a picture of ..... I found this out after my eldest saw it on her phone when she got home.

I went low contact and stayed in my house for 3 weeks not seeing anyone at all after that.
Am still low contact now as she cannot keep to my boundaries regarding both the children.

Came straight home from the delivery suite. Partners family arrived within 5 minutes. His step Dad took a load of camera photos of newborn DD having her nappy changed. First time mum, I'd been upstairs having a wee tipping a jug of water down myself. Came down just as partners step dad was all up in there taking a photo with a digital camera. I shouted. I was in severe pain from tearing and I'd literally come home straight from the delivery suite. No sleep after 26 hours of labour. He said he was doing nothing. Never did see those photos, he never went near her without supervision again.
Partner thought nothing of it but my anger has still not subsided 13 years later.
As it turned out DD's "DF" disappeared
5 years ago, along with all of his family, who were only ever a blip in her life.
She's 13 and none of that side have seen her since she was 7. Lucky escape in the end.

My FIL walked into the delivery room shortly after I’d given birth. I think the staff must of thought he was my husband and let him in. I was alone in the room (my husband had popped out to get something to eat)
I still had blood on my legs, with just a sheet over and was trying to breast feed. I had to be firm and tell him I wasn’t ready for visitors.

DD2 was a sole surviving twin. We'd known since the 20 week scan that twin 2 had a heart condition that meant she'd die soon after birth.

First of all when checking in, midwife said ooh twins how lovely. I put her right pretty quickly by suggesting she read notes first especially as I was on a special care trajectory. Told her I'd only be leaving hospital with one live baby and one would die.

Much worse was evil mil (now NC) who had seen a baby who had survived a while with our baby's prognosis. Told dh that as we obviously weren't up to dealing with a sick baby she'd look after her as we didn't want to. So so not the case, very obviously. We had honestly had all the up to date medical info from King's/Guy's etc not the Daily Mail but oh no she knew better. So unbelievably hurtful.

All nearly 30 years ago now but it has taught me never to judge and to listen carefully to other people's point of view.

my early baby was taken to the SCBU while I slept. I had to ask to see him after 24. hours, as no one offered, and was taken to visit.

I was bewildered to be met by the sister in charge, who explained that they weren’t expecting me to come and see my baby as I was giving him up for adoption.

Was too staggered to say anything very coherent, as this was news to me.
It turned out that my mother had been into the hospital overnight and told them I didn’t want to keep him and was having him adopted.
Luckily for me, they needed my signature.

My narcissistic MIL just made awful comments all the time. I really struggled with breastfeeding DS1 and she commented all the time that "her milk just flowed" and her children slept through the night at a few weeks old.

She also commented on my weight and kept saying how skinny she is.

None of this is surprising though as she's a generally unkind person it this was very hurtful at the time.

I can totally see why this would be annoying/upsetting if it's not you or what you wanted. I have seen some people put a post up before a wedding/birth explaining they'd like to be the first to share photos.

We actually have really full on wider family who are partial to badgering us with phone calls so I asked my mum and dad (and DH asked in-laws) to do what your family did so we didn't have to. Once we told immediate family, it was good to switch phones off then and let the grandparents do the phoning round and texting in excitement. Tbh, I think it kept them busy and off our backs for a bit of time. We sent them a photo or two of the baby in her first outfit (none of me and nothing too intimate I wouldn't hsve wanted shared) with all the details like time of birth, full name, weight (we didn't mind sharing this), even length so my MIL had no reason to call my DH.

My dad absolutely freaked out when I first had to bf in front of him. In a cafe and I had a cover over us both but as soon as he realised he abruptly stood up and turned his back to us and then went to stand outside the cafe (we could see him through the glass) with his back to us. Was such a strange and awkward moment. He soon had to accept that I would be breastfeeding all the time and got used to me having a cover over me and the baby and feeding in front of him...
But that first time was unreasonably awkward.

Bloody hell, not ready for visitors is an understatement and a half! I would be shouting and screaming
If FIL did this!!!

Moments after dd was born, literally moments my DH handed me his phone on the delivery table as they were stitching me up to talk to my parents (forceps delivery). I thought hay was bad enough!!! I was dazed and bewildered, like "wtf, why are you on the phone? Am I dreaming this?". Hadn't slept in two days and literally just met my daughter 30 seconds before and they were grilling me about her and I was so confused. I remember saying "I think they're stitching me up" as the doctor was shoving pain killers up my bottom... no dignity at all.

Oh a few week after birth my dad also commented on my weight and diet, saying that "this pizza and leggings lifestyle doesn't suit you" and suggesting I go out clothes shopping asap. He also commented on the state of my garden (because as soon as that baby's born we all know the priority is to put that baby down and get the lawnmower out!) and the state of my home. I had bad ppd and was sleeping about 2 hours a night and while the basics were done (laundry, washing up) it was getting a bit dusty as I just didn't have the energy to dust. Can't wait for a repeat when dd2 arrives...

I used to get on well with dps sister, until I had dd2 (his first child).

I has a C section and 2 weeks after she came to visit with her 5 kids.

She walked in, didn't say a word to me and took the baby straight out of my hands.

She pointed out her cradle cap and then pretty much told me off for the way I was dealing with it and made me feel like an idiot. (I wasn't doing anything incorrectly- She just thinks she knows everything)

Dp mentioned that we thought dd2 had a dairy allergy and was booked in at Dr's in the week. She scoffed and said she definitely didn't have an allergy (she does)

She kept saying how hot it was and saying baby was too hot, I said she was fine, the fan was on in the room, but before I knew it she had undressed dd. I wish I'd said something at the time but I was 2 weeks post c section and had haemorrhaged during the surgery so just sat there. I'm still angry about it.

She wanted photos of all the kids and her dp holding the baby, her dp declined saying dd was lovely but he didn't feel comfortable holding a newborn - fine. She put dd in his arms despite his protests.

Dd smelled of his BO and weed by the time they went home.

I'm pregnant again and they will not be coming over until I am feeling much better.

@Unforgettablefire it was 1997