What's the worst thing someone did when you had a baby?

[JustBiscoff]

Currently 37 weeks pregnant with DC2, and really starting to feel the wear and tear of juggling opportunities to rest, with working part-time and looking after a very active two year old.

The birth of DC1 had been a fairly traumatic forceps delivery, in which I lost almost 2.5 litres of blood and the baby was quite badly jaundiced, therefore requiring a prolonged stay in hospital. DC was the first grandchild/great nephew for both sides of the family, so received a constant flow of visitors in the first fortnight at home. PIL visited on day 3, and expected to be waited on hand and foot. I was still bleeding, barely able to stand up, and having a nightmare establishing breastfeeding...cue MIL clicking her fingers at DH, to 'collect the baby from his wife' so she could have a turn holding him. FIL asked me to leave the room twice whenever I needed to breastfeed, and following an hour long photo shoot of MIL holding DC (it later transpired they hadn't taken a single photo of me holding him), she demanded to know when dinner would be ready, 'because we've had such a tiring car journey'. At that point, DH almost saw red, and firmly cut the visit short, sending PIL on their way. I hope they are more considerate this time round!

Some awful, sad stories on here. Why are some people so vile and cruel to women who have just had a baby? 😢

I'd gone back to work when my first child was just 8 or 9 weeks old, (nearly 30 years ago...) About three or four weeks in, I was very tired and weary (on day 1 of a 2 day training course) as my baby had only slept three or four hours overnight.

One of the women on the course who was in her mid 20s, and single, with no children (from another branch, but still the same company - who I had only met once in the 2 years I had been there) said 'what's the matter with you? Why are you so tired?' I said 'oh sorry, my baby kept me up half the night and I'm a bit weary....'

She said 'well you didn't have to have it, nobody asked you to, no good bitching about it now. Go euthanize it if it's that bad!'

I was genuinely glued to the spot with shock and horror at what she had said ... I made my excuse a minute or so later, and went into the toilets and just burst out into floods of tears. I couldn't believe that any person could say such a cruel, vile, sadistic thing.

I went back into the room and went to sit on the other side of it (away from her) and told the course leader that I didn't want to sit next to her as she had been quite nasty to me. She spent the next 2 hours that I was on that course laughing and giggling with three or four other women, and pointing at me. I was still wiping my tears at the desk for a few minutes.

I went back home and rang in sick the next day. I came back and told my manager what she had said and he said he would tell her manager. But all that happened was they said it was just 'banter' and I needed to grow a thicker skin! FGS! I never saw the woman again. Thankfully. Absolutely fucking vile. Even 30 years later, it's still jars. (If I think about it. I mean, I very rarely think about it, but occasionally I do if someone chats about something similar.)

I left that workplace half a year later.

I wonder if we aren’t related, OP.

DD born via forceps after 3 days in labour and a hospital experience that left me with physical damage and her with a dented skull.

PIL, who had said throughout the pregnancy that they would stay in the local premier inn when she was born (first grandchild and they live 200 miles away) refused point blank to come if they could stay with us. I was an absolute mess, struggling to establish breastfeeding (it must have hurt DD to suck), dealing with an episiotomy that in the end took 9 YEARS to heal, having daily midwife visits to administer injections, a PUPPPs rash that required steroids 3 days after giving birth etc. DH was torn but my mother told him in no uncertain terms that if my 88 year old grandmother could travel 200 miles and stay in a hotel, so could his parents.

They eventually came for the day, sighed about how far they had travelled, FIL complained that she was a girl so “wouldn’t ever play football for England” (she couldn’t if she wanted to, being Welsh), complained that she has my surname rather than theirs, that we went out for food rather than me cooking, then that they would have to drive home again now (waiting for an invite to stay).

I think I may have spoken to them a dozen times since, and DD is 14. Arseholes.

Someone who has a job?

Oh and not forgetting the house party that next door had the very same night I came home from hospital. Crazily loud music that literally made the walls thump, laughing, shouting, singing. The noise was unbelievable. They knew I had just given birth as they actually congratulated me. I was lucky enough to leave the hospital 12 hours after having him so I’d only just given birth (pretty much)

Thankfully they didn’t wake him up (somehow) but I remember being sat up in bed crying.

The day I got home from hospital my sister was on the phone to be measured up for a bridesmaid dress for her wedding. I didn’t want to do it she could have asked someone else. She was at the other end of the phone ranting I’m ungrateful blah blah. She has never pushed a human out btw. Of course I ended up being bridesmaid she always gets her way.

We stayed at my mums the night of the wedding. Had obviously been up in the night with ds so was knackered. I woke up freaking out baby wasn’t there. Ex told me my mum had taken him to see her friend. Only a few streets away but not the point.

My Dad wanted to come to the hospital after I’d been in for a failed induction and then an emergency C section, then had a strop when I politely said I’d prefer visitors once I was home.

Turned up once I was home 3 days post op, pushed me out of the way to get to baby and said ‘coffee please, I’ve had such a long drive’

MIL and BIL arrived when DS was 6 days old MIL's second visit in the 3 days we'd been home. They really outstayed their welcome. You know when you're waiting for people to take their leave at any moment, but they just dont? Sat in my living room for hours on end passing baby back and forth, being served lunch by DH. I was recovering from a very tricky emergency section and all I wanted to do was lie down. You know when even sitting up is painful? Anyway, fairly boring for all involved, no idea why they stayed so long. BIL sprawled out on the couch, and even took a nap (!!!) at one point. Beautiful day outside and out of the blue they decide they're off to the beach for a swim and taking DH with them as 'he needs to get out of the house.' He's a right people pleaser, as am I, so said nothing and left them to it. At least I got to go to bed. Anyway they took him off to the beach in another town and to the pub!! I know DH was a donkey for going along with it and I was cross with him too. But I'll never forget the ridiculousness of them setting up camp in my living room for about 7 hours🙃

Some people are just f**king NUTS!

A few that stand out:

Before they were even born my partner's mother upon being told I was pregnant asked if he was sure he was the father. And then when told I was expecting twins, said "Oh it just goes from bad to worse!".

My brother and his wife didn't buy any gifts for the extremely premature twins because they weren't sure if they were going to live or not. I mean why waste money eh 😐

My mother made our NICU journey entirely about her. Multiple strops out of the hospital on almost a daily basis. Usually after turning up unannounced.

Oh she also sent photos of our babies in a terrible state all hooked up to tubes and wires, bloodstains and all, which also ended up on social media, and therefore announcing their arrival to absolutely everyone before we got the chance.

After our third was born, invited her (male and only mentioning because this seemed worse than a female) cousin to visit my house with her on day 3 after my c-section where they proceeded to stay for three and a half hours. They then left and my kitchen was an absolute tip. But she brought lunch! So I should have just been grateful 🙄

I'm sure there are many more.

This thread is crazy and mine is small in comparison, and I do mostly have a good relationship with my mum...

but I remember being at my wits end breastfeeding a 2 week old, exhausted, hormonal etc.. and saying to my mum that I was struggling and considering a bottle of formula. I was in a right state and she just snapped at me "good mothers put their children first." I was so shocked by her and never forgotten it.
Then a week later someone else came to visit and just outright called me fat.

When I was due with my second, I told immediate family that we'd really like our eldest to be the first to find out if he'd had a little brother or a little sister, as we weren't finding out the sex beforehand. As the baby arrived late at night, we shared the news of the arrival with our parents and siblings, but kept the sex a secret until calling our eldest (aged 4) the following morning - he was staying with my parents so they all found out about our new little boy together. I was then going to call my sister to tell her we'd had a boy, but there was a small issue that I had to contend with, plus I got moved to a ward with very little signal. When I did manage to call her, she sounded so off with me and I couldn't figure out why. When my partner came in for the visiting hour (it was lockdown), I said I was worried about my sister as she sounded like she was in a really bad mood - my partner then told me he'd been receiving angry calls from my BIL, as apparently I was completely selfish for not having told my sister what we'd had immediately and she was about to go out with a friend for lunch and 'still didn't even know'!! We spent the one precious visiting hour both feeling upset and stressed about the whole thing. What makes it even sadder is that in the time prior to being able to speak to my sister, I was telling the lovely nurse who was helping me all about my sister being a nurse too and how proud of her I was. I know it's such a small thing but it still makes me feel sad that she acted like this, 4 years on.

Did she tell you before you visited that she would be working? It seems pretty reasonable that she could only stay an hour if she was at work but unreasonable if she'd not made that clear and you drove all that way

My daughter was a week old and was meeting extended family. My auntie, who knew all about the horrific relationship I’d escaped announced to the family that “This baby really doesn’t look like Chocolate85, I wonder who she looks like”. I replied that she must look like my abuser, it’s been 25 years and I still don’t talk to her. Some people are just nasty.

I told the hv that I was really struggling to cope with being a mum. I felt like I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and my baby was always really unsettled.

I told her that there was no support network to help us or anyone to ask for advice, both our parents had recently died and it was only me and DH, who was just as clueless as me.

The hv told me that "I looked like I knew what I was doing" as I changed my newborns bum and completely ignored my concerns.

After this I became too afraid to ask any other hcp's for help and I dived into a very deep pnd. I also developed severe ocd and health anxiety and lived the first 3 years of my child's life in a state of complete and utter panic/distress.

I eventually reached out for help when the thoughts of suicide wouldn't go away. I'm now thankfully in a good place after years of therapy and meds.

I will never forget how that hv treated me as she obviously couldn't be arsed to do her job properly. I lost 3 years of my life to her laziness and lack of "care".

I understand what people are saying - it just makes no sense to me. I’m not saying I’m right, I’m clearly in the minority.

I was still in hospital the morning after having my first child as I had lost a lot of blood, someone from work messaged me on Facebook to ask if I would come in the following week for some staff photos?! I sent a very angry message to our manager asking them not to contact me and did not return to that job after my maternity leave

Before I went on maternity leave a bloke I worked with told me that if I didn't have my baby christened and he died he'd go to hell. Me, an atheist, told him that as I didn't believe in god I also didn't believe in heaven or hell, so his words didn't bother me. But what a thing to say!

My mum also did the "I'll stay and help" then buggered off to see her old friends and told me my house was a mess (with a 5 and 2 year old and newborn twins!) Thanks for that.

My daughter spent her first 100+ days in a neonatal unit, fighting for her life after her birth at 26 weeks gestation. DH and I lived in the 'patient hotel' during that time - a basic room above the unit with no access to laundry facilities. Mum lived locally so I asked whether she could do some washing for us. She said no, she had a busy schedule with her yoga classes and meeting friends and she didn't want to let them down. She visited me twice during those 100 days, during which she told me she hated my daughter's name and perhaps the nightmare we endured would give me more empathy (??!) I later found out that she was in the early undiagnosed stages of dementia so I've forgiven her but my god, did it sting at the time.

First baby, induced. From my wheelchair at 4am, about to be taken from the delivery room to the ward, DD on my lap, after a 14 hour labour with epidural, episiotomy and forceps delivery, no food since midday the previous day, I very politely asked the midwife if I could have something to eat, like a bowl of rice krispies. 10 minutes later, a female orderly arrived with a bowl and spoon in her hand. Slamming the bowl down on the tray table so hard the milk moved in waves from side to side, she barked 'I gather you want some cereal' as if I had asked for a Michelin chef to prepare me a 15-course tasting menu. Thank-you NHS 😚

I'm due my c section tomorrow, first baby on both sides. PIL were pissed off when DH called them this evening and said that we do not expect to see them at the hospital tomorrow. They were fuming that they've been asked to wait until Thursday. Oh well😆😅

@anonny55 Hoping all goes well and happily for you tomorrow! x

Oh yes. I ended up wasting so much food! Someone brought something spicy (I can't eat spicy food, it was the one thing i mentioned when asked if I had any dietary requirements) the other extreme was a dish made of plain boiled white rice and crumbled up chicken nuggets, couldn't eat that either, it made me gag! I lived off cereal.

My ex not giving a damn about us, haven't seen him since DS was less than a month old.

Not as traumatic as most PPs but my then husband invited all our mates round some with girlfriends, on the evening I came out of hospital with my first baby.
I had to go upstairs in the cold to breast feed whilst they semi partied downstairs. I often despair at the women on here who let in-laws and such walk all over them but there I was, I allowed it too....can hardly believe it now.

Thankyou!🩵🤞🏽

A close relative kicked off an argument about money when my DD was in NICU and we weren’t sure whether she’d pull through (or whether she would have a life limiting illness if she did).