Should work accept this and work around it or am I supposed to lose my job?

[lppt]

Wasn’t sure how to title this. Basically I am a single parent. I have no help. Dd is 22 months. My office is based in the north but our clients are based all over the place. Mostly meeting are remote which is fine as I can login anywhere. But now and then they will want a meeting in London. This is a 3.5 hour trip each way for me. Since having dd this has not come up. But I’ve now had something diarised for next month and I cannot attend as I won’t be back to collect dd from nursery. I know I could ask a someone to take her back to their home but I don’t actually know anyone well enough that I feel ok with that. I also don’t know if it would be possible. Dd is still very small and would be very confused and possibly scared to be somewhere different after nursery. I can’t do it and I don’t know if I am within my rights to say that? And ask that someone else attends in my place? I know when she’s bigger it will be different but at this age I simply don’t feel ok trying to find someone to take her. The nursery is also very remote and so shed have to travel with someone else too.

Can I object? Or do I have to accept I can’t continue my job? Ex won’t have her. Already tried that.

Can you find a local teenager, child carer now who does babysitting , use her a few times so you can see how it goes and book her for tge particular day you need? Tbh, you need to have some reliable childcare available as a fallback irrespective of this current work requirement I think. You can ask work, but if they're giving you notice and it's a regular part of the job they do not have to agree to replace you for that meeting.

What do others with kids do? Talk to your manager. Is it in your contract you have to go? Contact pregnant then screwed if it looks like it's an issue

It's difficult with young children, but your employer isn't being unreasonable to expect you to make occasional business trips. These sorts of things do come up occasionally and this is an ideal opportunity to sort out some additional childcare. The staff at DC's nursery used to do ad hoc babysitting in this sorts of situations which worked well as they already knew the children - would this be an option?

There are surely plenty of jobs that never require any travel. But also surely you need to have good childcare in place as a single parent for daytimes and evenings.

The first and most logical step is to talk to your manager. Carefully explain your situation. It wouldn't seem like the end of the world to me. Don't resign.

Our nursery staff ( their key worker ) would do babysitting ?

I would try and find a baby sitter and get your child familiar with them before the meeting. It’s good to have an option as you never know when an emergency may arise. Have you asked her nursery staff if any do babysitting?

We occasionally used nursery staff.

I agree with this poster it would be really wise to think about having a back up babysitter for the future x

Our nursery staff ( their key worker ) would do babysitting ?

This is worth an ask - although our nursery has completely forbidden it, so it doesn't work for us.

If it's a requirement of your role, then yeah, you'll have to find a way to do it or talk to your manager and see if that aspect of your role can be reallocated. If that's also not possible, it may be that you can't meet the requirements of your job at the moment, and then you've got a choice to make.

It is worth talking to Pregnant Than Screwed or ACAS for advice, but it sounds like you're clear on both what your contract says and works expectations are, and your own position on someone else collecting/looking after your DD, so it may just be that there's a mismatch here and you need a job that doesn't require travel.

You can certainly ask your manager, but I would imagine that, long term, simply being unable to fulfil one of the requirements of your job is unacceptable, so I'd suggest you should look into childcare that you would feel comfortable with using in the future. This is probably a good idea anyway - what would you do if, for example, you were taken ill and unable to look after her for a short time?

This. Get one (or two) trusted relationships built up where they bring DC back to your house or to their place and build yourself a village, even if you have to pay for this particular bit of village.

This. Your employer is well within their rights and has given you plenty of notice. They may agree to discretionarily ‘let you off’ on this one but it isn’t sustainable long term.
Check to see if one of the key workers will do babysitting.

Well you can’t do it can you, so you’ll just have to tell them that.

For a one off I doubt you would lose your job, but if it’s going to become a frequent thing and there’s no work around, then you may need to look for something else x

This.
If I was your line manager I would give you a pass considering your circumstances

Ask nursery first if they bave anyone that can do the evening at your house. If not then find a nanny or childminder that can do ad hic.
If you really cant do it then say you cant do it but you will have to work out what you do in the future if this is a regular thing.
I could have bought a holiday home in barbados with rhe amount I have spent on childcare, wrap around care and holiday clubs. I could be dripping in luis vuitton handbags and chanel. Its expensive and stressful and guikt laden but you just have to shell out and find someone to support you

For this work trip you can talk to your manager as a one-off and I'm sure they'd understand and you wouldn't lose your job. However, if it means you can't do a part of your job and this is a significant part of your duties, then you're not capable of fulfilling your role.

But what if you were taken ill, stuck on a train, in a car crash, needed to go in for surgery at short notice...

You have no help at the moment so you need to create that help, either through building trusted networks, or paying for it. You need to build a "village" of people you know and trust to be that help, and this becomes doubly important if you don't have family nearby and triply important as a single parent.

I know this is not easy, our families are 8+ hours away and DH is a teacher and absolutely cannot walk out of his job in an emergency if he is looking after other people's children and there is no one to take over. When our DCs were little we had to work hard to get to know and trust other parents, neighbours and build up a roster of paid childcare to have backups, and backups to the backups.

Line managers have to be careful though - if attending the London meeting is something that no one likes doing as it's far from home, it might be fine to tell OP she doesn't have to attend it this one time, but it can't always fall on her colleagues to cover it.

You might need someone at both ends of the day... When my first was young, I used a neighbour who would come in at 0500, give breakfast, drop at nursery, pick up, give tea and put to bed then I'd be back around 2100. Happened about one a fortnight (FIFO to random EU cities). It costs a fortune too. As paying for two days of care (3 hours am, 3 - 4 hours pm).

I’m in a very similar situation and I explained that it was simply not something I could accommodate for the foreseeable. They completely understood and have made sure the meetings are remote when necessary. My DD turned 3 and I was more comfortable so have resumed since, but was entirely voluntary. Most employers are human and make reasonable adjustments, I’d discuss it with them but put a timeframe around it if at all possible.

It depends on your contract. If you've signed something that says you need to attend meetings that finish outside of regular office hours then it's an expectation that you will go.
When your circumstances changed ie. a dependant that is in childcare, I think you should have discussed the impact on your contacted hours, not wait until it came up. That doesn't look very professional. Does your contact state how much notice is given for these meetings? Is 'next month' early next week, or nearly 4 weeks away?

Do you want to go? Colleagues tend to see through the 'childcare issues' reason if it's something no one is keen to attend.

Actually, in some ways the nursery years are the easiest in terms of work - open 8am - 6pm. It's a whole different juggle when they start school (shorter day and holidays).

Agree with this, if the London meetings are a regular thing then it would be helpful to meet with your manager to say its not possible right now (and could you join remotely or leave it early) but that you have some sort of plan for how to accommodate the business travel need longer term when DD is older.

Managers generally appreciate it when you offer solutions, even if they aren't ideal, rather than just saying "I can't do that".

It’s far too much responsibility for a teen.. Nevermind one you don’t know.

You need to get proper childcare or ask family if you have any.

Be proactive at work, explain it is virtually impossible for you to attend and offer to brief so-and-so to act in place; explain why they would be a good substitute. Ask so-and-so first, of course.
But going forward, every parent needs some backup at times and you need to think about how you can put something in place for emergencies, as well as work trips.

Our nursery key worker was great at doing babysitting/nanny type stuff for me after hours if I needed it. There's no harm asking