Should work accept this and work around it or am I supposed to lose my job?

[lppt]

Wasn’t sure how to title this. Basically I am a single parent. I have no help. Dd is 22 months. My office is based in the north but our clients are based all over the place. Mostly meeting are remote which is fine as I can login anywhere. But now and then they will want a meeting in London. This is a 3.5 hour trip each way for me. Since having dd this has not come up. But I’ve now had something diarised for next month and I cannot attend as I won’t be back to collect dd from nursery. I know I could ask a someone to take her back to their home but I don’t actually know anyone well enough that I feel ok with that. I also don’t know if it would be possible. Dd is still very small and would be very confused and possibly scared to be somewhere different after nursery. I can’t do it and I don’t know if I am within my rights to say that? And ask that someone else attends in my place? I know when she’s bigger it will be different but at this age I simply don’t feel ok trying to find someone to take her. The nursery is also very remote and so shed have to travel with someone else too.

Can I object? Or do I have to accept I can’t continue my job? Ex won’t have her. Already tried that.

I don’t think this is necessarily something you can just dictate that your employer accepts because you have decided it does not work for you.

I think whether they may be open to negotiation on this aspect of your work largely depends on your contract and work commitments. But I think if you go in with “I can’t do this, so you just need to accept that”, you might not get the response you are hoping for. Most reasonable employers will try to look at ways to make things work for both you and them. But, at the end of the day it depends on what your contract says and the requirements of your job- if it is essential or indeed just strongly preferred, and travel for meetings/work is stated in your job description/contract, then they can insist you go. Or face the consequences of not fulfilling your employment contract.

if they can’t accommodate you, it might not be because they are terrible employers, it might be because they really do need you to do all aspects of the job they employ you to do. In some roles/workplaces, they might be able to accommodate your “no travel” request- either by making it remote meeting or by sending someone else in your place. But, in some cases, that might not be possible- there all all sorts of plausible reasons for that. Perhaps other members of the team don’t have travel requirements in their job description as it’s not needed in their role, so if they don’t want to travel, they can’t be made to. Other members of the team may be unavailable because they are dealing with other essential work and swapping them in to do part of OP’s job may be too disruptive to the wider business. Or, if the client wants to meet face to face and you are the main/only or preferred contact, or have the required knowledge (possibly specialist or client-specific, for example) that is needed, then this may not be possible to put off until you feel able to leave your daughter with a babysitter or childminder.

I think you should request a meeting with your manager to discuss it, present an alternative way of managing this meeting and if you are adamant no travel going forward, you need to discuss if that is possible.

I wouldn't be able to do that either, honestly I'd email your boss and explain why you can't do that. Offer to be there via zoom.

This isn’t a situation that is solvable in the short term, you with need amendments to your role , a different role in the Org, or, a new job altogether.

Oh if only the op had thought of that.......

Don’t do this, it’s completely unprofessional.

Of course your child is going to come first, so you need to have an actual conversation with your boss about it not let them down at the last minute.

You've said Ex (assuming Dad) won't have her - any chance the meeting could be moved to when he would have her as standard? (and not tell him you're going, if he's the type to cancel to screw it up!)

Could you say to manager that for now you can only do out of hours meetings / travel on Weds / every other Monday or whatever the contact schedule is? Might be better than a flat no, can't do it.

It is the employee's responsibility to arrange childcare. Why should the employer have to make exceptions? Imagine the precedent that sets!

You have a job to do OP, so make suitable arrangements if you want to keep it.

Talk to the childcare team at your nursery. Find out if one of them is prepared to take your dd for a few hours until you can collect her. Or find a local babysitter and introduce your DD this week, so she has time to get used to them before your trip.

This thread is reminding me of the one from a woman who was going into hospital and had nobody to care for her toddler, who would have to go into temp Foster care.

You need to get something in place OP. I would ask nursery if anyone would have her an extra few hours. If not, you need to get her used to a baby sitter.

I had a similar issue with a previous job. As I was part of my union, I spoke to my union rep. As a single parent with no alternative childcare, my employers were legally required to adapt my role.
If you have a union rep, speak to them ASAP.

Definitely ask nursery for a babysitter. I wouldn’t use a teenage that dd does not know. Or have you got a friend that could babysit for you.

At my work I would just tell them I cannot attend because I have nobody to look after my DD. They would just have to deal with it. If you don’t think your work are going to be understanding and accommodating then just phone in sick that day.

Working out childcare logistics can be a nightmare even when there's two parents, so I sympathise. I think that you need to work with your employer to find a reasonable middle ground.

For example, you might say that you are working towards finding a solution and aim to be able to attend London meetings from (X) date, but would like a temporary reasonable adjustment to attend the meetings via Teams. Alternatively, you are able to attend part of the day, but will not arrive until 11am after 7:30am drop off, and must leave by 3pm in order to collect your daughter at 6:30pm from nursery. It's a faff but it shows willing.

However, I think it's better long term for your DD if you keep your job, even if it means an imperfect childcare situation short term. Finding a babysitter or childminder as a one off to take your daughter to nursery and bring her home shouldn't be impossible to do and she's old enough to cope without you for a few hours.

We used nursery staff for babysitting, they know your DC, they know how to look after children, do a couple of practice runs before the meeting to try it out. Good luck!

Do not phone in sick. This is absolutely terrible advice

Given that this is a known part of your job, I'm surprised that you hadn't already started planning how you would manage the next London meeting, and establishing a relationship with someone who could look after your DD.
To be honest, just being a single parent requires establishing an emergency childcare arrangement and relationship early on.

So rather than make yourself vulnerable at work in the long term, I'd be getting the arrangements in place. There are any number of unpredictable life events that could put you in this position, and you have to have a plan.

This what we used to do too It was someone DC knew and the nursery staff are honestly paid so poorly they always welcomed the bit extra cash . Added bonus DC knew them and they knew DC.

I would either use nursery key worker or a family member. If neither possible I have 2 close mum friends who I’ve made since having children that I trust with my children 100%. My children know these mums and I know these mums have toddler experience so I feel relaxed

As suggested talk to your manager about getting a bit more notice. Also try and build up some childcare. A further idea is that if you're just there for a meeting can you not take your daughter and get an agency babysitter for the duration of the meeting? You could book a day hotel room if work are not providing accommodation. Better than losing your job

No you can't object as you have a contract to do the job, including attending various venues.
Perhaps try to appeal to their better nature instead. If not you need a childminder/babysitter for these situations.

If it's a requirement of your job which you can't fulfill then you can't really fully do your job. You need backup childcare. It's not fair for others to have to cover for you because you're a single parent.

This. 'I don't have family help' is no excuse sadly. If you don't have family or trusted friends to rely on you have to build a village often using paid childcare. it's not always what you want but it's a case of needs must.

Lying is an incredibly stupid idea.

How does one build a village when they are working and parenting? All the other nursery parents with tiny children will also be working. No one has time to support anyone else.