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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Rural life has gone to pot

157 replies

Thefabulousfrench · 24/02/2025 19:46

Hi all,

Ergh! Just ergh! Am I being unreasonable for wanting my elderly neighbour to turn his ridiculously loud TV down?
Back story, you might want a drink/snacks for this.

We moved to a semi rural village back in 2018, it's a semi detached bungalow and it was one step away from being unmortgageable it was horrendous, the gas fire was condemned, no hot water, the front garden was a burial plot to a 32 inch tv and rather than clear the place out before we moved in respectfully, the previous owners left broken glass everywhere and the fire ravaged remains of a 3 seater sofa in the back garden. However, we saw potential through the black glossed everything and vivid blood red walls, hey, we even tolerated the spiders that paced through, the size of field mice.

Well we got to work and 4 skips later (considering this was meant to be an EMPTY property) we started to gut the place and take it back to brick. Fast forward 6 months or so log burner in, rewire, new windows, walls down, patio doors in, new bathroom/kitchen, you get the gist, he starts...
Elderly neighbour, hmm maybe late 70's now, he first off decides that our log burner is dropping ash all over his garden furniture (it wasn't) the 2nd time he came around for the same thing, our fire wasn't even on and you could see the culprit over the roof tops, billowing out some mad coloured smoke with bits floating in the wind. He then comes around to tell us he has peas in his drain and it must be us, erm?
He peeks through the fence too to spy on our back garden, so we put a shed there. Ha.
Ok, so rural life, tick, quiet tick, neighbour weird but hey ho, then his wife died!
For the last 6 months he's literally got zero fucks about anything, he has his TV on full bloody blast from 7am to 11pm, he has all his drunken arsehole friends round watching football and they sit there 5 nights out of 7 clapping, cheering and whistling and doing this really weird kinda husky growl. Weird old fuckers!
He has the news on that loud I can hear it word for word, well I have tried being nice, I have tried turning our TV up loud to make a point, I've tried white noise, a dehumidifier and my poor alexa on max volume with some rather bopful clubland choons like haddaway and snap, but all of this was to no avail!
So now, most nights, I end up watching TV on my bed like a teenager in her room, and I'm livid, I own my house and I have the right to sit in my lounge in sodding peace.

Now the old fool knows he's in the wrong as when he sees me on the cul de sac he scurries into his house, he visits the neighbours on the other side of me and he'll loiter in her doorway until I go back in from the front garden before he leaves, weirdo. I do sometimes wait until he's half way across and then take a solitary item out to the bin to catch him out, but he scurries onwards.

I DID feel sorry for him, but not any more, I'm thinking of selling up, I have costed up some sound proofing, we're looking at around £1000, the walls that attach to him are just the lounge and kitchen, all other rooms don't touch, the other option is a conservatory, but why should I spend £££££ cos of his bad behaviour?

Now it gets worse.... PORN! The other day he waited until my other half left for work and he decided to blast porn, he knew I was home alone (woman, 40's, unhealthy gin addiction) all I could hear was moans and groans and oh yeah's (I recorded it and it's quite clear what it is) now I'm not a prude, but seriously yuk, and you could hear him groaning, ergh, ergh and shudder.

So do I
a) drink more gin
b) let everyone in the village know he's a perv
c) move
d) put a conservatory on and hopefully sit in peace
e) tell the council
f) something else
g) cast a spell
h) lose my shit fully

thanks for reading....

I cba with being reasonable and kind anymore, I'm not a bitch I'm actually really caring and kind, but fuck me he's pushing some buttons that send my rage meters through the roof. I also now work from home so that is NOT helping, I've gone from being a full time retail manager, who was out the house for 10+ hours a day to being in these 4 sodding walls all day, so yes, that's really not helping either.

I'm ranting, I need gin.

OP posts:
SigmaStarFlower · 27/02/2025 16:45

I’m curious to the backstory relating to OPs dilemma. Did your neighbour and you introduce yourselves or did you move in and just get on with renovations? I used to live in a village and everyone loves looking out of windows etc to have a good nose as there’s nothing else going on. The village I lived in was a funny old place. I ended up not knowing anyone anymore once my children left primary school.

welshmercury · 27/02/2025 22:50

Report online to police as antisocial behaviour. Report to
council etc.

knock on the door and say you thought someone was being murdered with all
the porn screaming.

call him out on it when you see him hiding

Atina321 · 02/03/2025 11:06

I mean, just to put it out there, and it’s a wild idea for Mumsnet, but have you tried talking to him nicely? He may just be a bit deaf and not realise the noise is a problem (his wife probably wasn’t deaf and used to control the volume!)

The other bits just sound like he is struggling with the loss of his wife and didn’t realise what he was doing was rude and annoying.

Just tell him what his actions are doing, if he doesn’t get the message then speak to the council about the noise disturbance.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 14:33

FckTheSchGateHuns · 25/02/2025 14:00

Start a tiktok channel "weird sh*t my creepy neighbour does", don't show him but trust that him knowing everyone around him is laughing at him, may make him re-think his behaviour.

Seriously? As much as this guy is being an arse and his behaviour isn't OK, he's also a recently bereaved person and this seems unnecessarily cruel.

RainbowMoonbeam · 02/03/2025 14:49

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 14:33

Seriously? As much as this guy is being an arse and his behaviour isn't OK, he's also a recently bereaved person and this seems unnecessarily cruel.

Trauma isn't an excuse to act like an AH. You're responsible for how you process grief and if it becomes detrimental or destructive to others, you should be held responsible for that.

imtheholidayarmadillo · 02/03/2025 18:21

RainbowMoonbeam · 02/03/2025 14:49

Trauma isn't an excuse to act like an AH. You're responsible for how you process grief and if it becomes detrimental or destructive to others, you should be held responsible for that.

Held responsible, yes. But that doesn't need to involve trying to make him a laughing stock in his own community. That just seems incredibly cruel to me.

BlumminFreezin · 02/03/2025 18:28

I have tried being nice, I have tried turning our TV up loud to make a point, I've tried white noise, a dehumidifier and my poor alexa on max volume with some rather bopful clubland choons like haddaway and snap

Have you tried actually talking to him? Or failing that, a note through the door - polite but no-nonsense.

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