Rural life has gone to pot

[Thefabulousfrench]

Hi all,

Ergh! Just ergh! Am I being unreasonable for wanting my elderly neighbour to turn his ridiculously loud TV down?
Back story, you might want a drink/snacks for this.

We moved to a semi rural village back in 2018, it's a semi detached bungalow and it was one step away from being unmortgageable it was horrendous, the gas fire was condemned, no hot water, the front garden was a burial plot to a 32 inch tv and rather than clear the place out before we moved in respectfully, the previous owners left broken glass everywhere and the fire ravaged remains of a 3 seater sofa in the back garden. However, we saw potential through the black glossed everything and vivid blood red walls, hey, we even tolerated the spiders that paced through, the size of field mice.

Well we got to work and 4 skips later (considering this was meant to be an EMPTY property) we started to gut the place and take it back to brick. Fast forward 6 months or so log burner in, rewire, new windows, walls down, patio doors in, new bathroom/kitchen, you get the gist, he starts...
Elderly neighbour, hmm maybe late 70's now, he first off decides that our log burner is dropping ash all over his garden furniture (it wasn't) the 2nd time he came around for the same thing, our fire wasn't even on and you could see the culprit over the roof tops, billowing out some mad coloured smoke with bits floating in the wind. He then comes around to tell us he has peas in his drain and it must be us, erm?
He peeks through the fence too to spy on our back garden, so we put a shed there. Ha.
Ok, so rural life, tick, quiet tick, neighbour weird but hey ho, then his wife died!
For the last 6 months he's literally got zero fucks about anything, he has his TV on full bloody blast from 7am to 11pm, he has all his drunken arsehole friends round watching football and they sit there 5 nights out of 7 clapping, cheering and whistling and doing this really weird kinda husky growl. Weird old fuckers!
He has the news on that loud I can hear it word for word, well I have tried being nice, I have tried turning our TV up loud to make a point, I've tried white noise, a dehumidifier and my poor alexa on max volume with some rather bopful clubland choons like haddaway and snap, but all of this was to no avail!
So now, most nights, I end up watching TV on my bed like a teenager in her room, and I'm livid, I own my house and I have the right to sit in my lounge in sodding peace.

Now the old fool knows he's in the wrong as when he sees me on the cul de sac he scurries into his house, he visits the neighbours on the other side of me and he'll loiter in her doorway until I go back in from the front garden before he leaves, weirdo. I do sometimes wait until he's half way across and then take a solitary item out to the bin to catch him out, but he scurries onwards.

I DID feel sorry for him, but not any more, I'm thinking of selling up, I have costed up some sound proofing, we're looking at around £1000, the walls that attach to him are just the lounge and kitchen, all other rooms don't touch, the other option is a conservatory, but why should I spend £££££ cos of his bad behaviour?

Now it gets worse.... PORN! The other day he waited until my other half left for work and he decided to blast porn, he knew I was home alone (woman, 40's, unhealthy gin addiction) all I could hear was moans and groans and oh yeah's (I recorded it and it's quite clear what it is) now I'm not a prude, but seriously yuk, and you could hear him groaning, ergh, ergh and shudder.

So do I
a) drink more gin
b) let everyone in the village know he's a perv
c) move
d) put a conservatory on and hopefully sit in peace
e) tell the council
f) something else
g) cast a spell
h) lose my shit fully

thanks for reading....

I cba with being reasonable and kind anymore, I'm not a bitch I'm actually really caring and kind, but fuck me he's pushing some buttons that send my rage meters through the roof. I also now work from home so that is NOT helping, I've gone from being a full time retail manager, who was out the house for 10+ hours a day to being in these 4 sodding walls all day, so yes, that's really not helping either.

I'm ranting, I need gin.

This is VERY bad luck.
In your position I would pay the 1K for sound proofing. It's not for his benefit, it's for yours, and if effective you will no longer have the problem. Moving would cost thousands just in stamp duty.
You're right to be sorry for this man. He must be having a miserable life. With any luck he will meet a real life porn star and go off to a happy life in the big city!

This is awful and I know exactly how you feel as I've been going through the same issue with my neighbout who lives next door to me (you can literally hear her swearing, pissing, coughing, talking, shagging - fucking gross). I have no advice unfortunately other than look into soundproofing as someone has mentioned and look into how much of a difference that would make vs moving.

Big girl pants on, knock the door and tell him you can hear his porn. Hopefully it will shame him into turning it down, penny should drop you can hear everything not just Debbie doing Dallas. Also start logging the noise incidents, same as you would for a younger person. Just because he’s old doesn’t mean he gets to be a selfish prick. If you think he’s not coping out a call in to adult social services and lean into it.

I'd be saying it particularly loudly so any neighbours can overhear too... in fact, if you're friendly with other neighbours, I'd perhaps say "it's really embarrassing, but I can hear pervy John's, erm, adult videos through the wall. Do you think I should say something to him?"

Just as in ‘only’. Not trying soundproofing or council first.

No, it don't think it is. Anti social neighbours make your life an absolute misery. She was playing music so loud I couldn't hear my tv, the parties would go on until early in the morning so I couldn't sleep before work, she would harass my friends and family when they came to visit, and spat at myself and other neighbours in the street.

Do you think he might be retaliating for all the noise you made over last few months renovating the house? Not right but it might be how he is justifying it to himself. If you start shouting abuse in the street you are just lowering yourself and will be very unpopular. He may have lived there years. Watching porn doesn’t make him a pervert

So do i

Watch it, yes. Inflict it on OP, no. I'm sure the guy's having a terrible time of it, being recently bereaved, but some things are just not on.

If you’re serious about selling up and moving on. Do not start a compliant, you’ll need to declare neighbour disputes and it might impact any sale.

This is definately worth a try. Also bear in mind that £1000 in sound proofing is much, much cheaper than the costs of moving house and may solve your problem!

Oh the basis that he scuttles away every time he sees her coming, yes, I do.

No advice but I love your writing style. I'd get working on a memoir!

If you report him to noise abatement, they would swing into action - they love a nice, middle-class problem to sink their otherwise ineffective teeth into. They will give it plenty of their time, because it means they take less abuse. However, potentially that's perversely a black mark against your property when you sell (because your property has been linked to a neighbourhood dispute). This means you've legitimately got two options; sound-proofing or move. You could wage war through the village network, and this hath its pleasures, but the likelihood is that he will wear that as a badge of honour, even if you turn everyone else against him - I have seen this happen. Next time, move further out and buy detached - you may still get unpleasant neighbours, but they aren't encroaching into your space.

I was born in a mostly rural area, you’d be amazed the people I’ve come across in my time, most recent are a lovely couple who have a solicitor onto their neighbour for a bush lol……….only about a mile away from their house…….rural also brings bored rich folk with nothing better to do……….

I'm not sure I'd use the word "distracting". Sounds like you are quite enjoying it but it's not massively convenient when you are trying to get on with the hoovering! 😂

You want a house that's detached, you'll always hear neighbours when you live right next door. Sounds like you a know way too much about him.
I'd be having a full conversation with him explaining all the issues face to face, I wouldn't let him scuttle away I'd knock on his door.

Be very careful and do your research before going down the soundproofing route. Sound travels in lots of funny ways and more often than not it's very difficult to make a decent improvement. We spent a fair bit of money on this to find this out, using the very best kit.

As you're in a bungalow you may have more luck though as you'll have fewer wall space to cover...

Do you know if you share floor joists? That was the killer for us.

He's perfectly at liberty to watch porn although maybe it wasn't porn he may have been entertaining Mind you don't clutch your pearls too hard ! There are routes to take about excessive noise but here's a tip don't be describing him as a perve or in any other derogatory way when you make your complaint

Oh no. That’s depressing. I thought that would always be a magic bullet if I had an issue with a different property in future years. Thankfully, I have lived in a detached house for the past 13 years.

We were certainly depressed afterwards I can tell you. Part exchanged the house for a detached new build a decade and never looked back - although it took a good 6 months for me to stop being anxious if I heard a noise that sounded like my old next door neighbours...!

I agree it could be very bad to try to give this person a reputation he doesn't deserve.

And you don’t??

This, this and this. Poor you. Gin in the meantime is an excellent idea but careful he doesn’t counter the rumours by slandering you as a lush. 🤞🏻 Best of luck.