Rural life has gone to pot

[Thefabulousfrench]

Hi all,

Ergh! Just ergh! Am I being unreasonable for wanting my elderly neighbour to turn his ridiculously loud TV down?
Back story, you might want a drink/snacks for this.

We moved to a semi rural village back in 2018, it's a semi detached bungalow and it was one step away from being unmortgageable it was horrendous, the gas fire was condemned, no hot water, the front garden was a burial plot to a 32 inch tv and rather than clear the place out before we moved in respectfully, the previous owners left broken glass everywhere and the fire ravaged remains of a 3 seater sofa in the back garden. However, we saw potential through the black glossed everything and vivid blood red walls, hey, we even tolerated the spiders that paced through, the size of field mice.

Well we got to work and 4 skips later (considering this was meant to be an EMPTY property) we started to gut the place and take it back to brick. Fast forward 6 months or so log burner in, rewire, new windows, walls down, patio doors in, new bathroom/kitchen, you get the gist, he starts...
Elderly neighbour, hmm maybe late 70's now, he first off decides that our log burner is dropping ash all over his garden furniture (it wasn't) the 2nd time he came around for the same thing, our fire wasn't even on and you could see the culprit over the roof tops, billowing out some mad coloured smoke with bits floating in the wind. He then comes around to tell us he has peas in his drain and it must be us, erm?
He peeks through the fence too to spy on our back garden, so we put a shed there. Ha.
Ok, so rural life, tick, quiet tick, neighbour weird but hey ho, then his wife died!
For the last 6 months he's literally got zero fucks about anything, he has his TV on full bloody blast from 7am to 11pm, he has all his drunken arsehole friends round watching football and they sit there 5 nights out of 7 clapping, cheering and whistling and doing this really weird kinda husky growl. Weird old fuckers!
He has the news on that loud I can hear it word for word, well I have tried being nice, I have tried turning our TV up loud to make a point, I've tried white noise, a dehumidifier and my poor alexa on max volume with some rather bopful clubland choons like haddaway and snap, but all of this was to no avail!
So now, most nights, I end up watching TV on my bed like a teenager in her room, and I'm livid, I own my house and I have the right to sit in my lounge in sodding peace.

Now the old fool knows he's in the wrong as when he sees me on the cul de sac he scurries into his house, he visits the neighbours on the other side of me and he'll loiter in her doorway until I go back in from the front garden before he leaves, weirdo. I do sometimes wait until he's half way across and then take a solitary item out to the bin to catch him out, but he scurries onwards.

I DID feel sorry for him, but not any more, I'm thinking of selling up, I have costed up some sound proofing, we're looking at around £1000, the walls that attach to him are just the lounge and kitchen, all other rooms don't touch, the other option is a conservatory, but why should I spend £££££ cos of his bad behaviour?

Now it gets worse.... PORN! The other day he waited until my other half left for work and he decided to blast porn, he knew I was home alone (woman, 40's, unhealthy gin addiction) all I could hear was moans and groans and oh yeah's (I recorded it and it's quite clear what it is) now I'm not a prude, but seriously yuk, and you could hear him groaning, ergh, ergh and shudder.

So do I
a) drink more gin
b) let everyone in the village know he's a perv
c) move
d) put a conservatory on and hopefully sit in peace
e) tell the council
f) something else
g) cast a spell
h) lose my shit fully

thanks for reading....

I cba with being reasonable and kind anymore, I'm not a bitch I'm actually really caring and kind, but fuck me he's pushing some buttons that send my rage meters through the roof. I also now work from home so that is NOT helping, I've gone from being a full time retail manager, who was out the house for 10+ hours a day to being in these 4 sodding walls all day, so yes, that's really not helping either.

I'm ranting, I need gin.

How long were you renovating the bungalow? I'd hazard a good guess that his behaviour is some sort of REVENGE!

Oooh you had one of those too. I’m so sick of townies moving in and can’t get uber, food deliveries , broadband . And the endless stupid requests.

OP be really careful before you create a 'dispute'. If you do decide to sell you will have to disclose it to any buyer. You can't un-contact the Council. I would try to do this gently and keep it between you until you know whether or not it's going to escalate. Then you have to decide whether to turn it into a dispute or just put the house up for sale.

Have a load of posters missed the inference about you being ‘rural’ was because you wanted a quieter life? It would seem so. I thought it was quite plain.

OP, record everything. Log literally everything with the council and the police. Especially the porn, that was mental. If he hides from you, then a visit from a couple of coppers might stop the twisted old bastard in his tracks.

Contact the council. I had to download an App, press record then press send. It was time and date stamped and decibels recorded. Neighbour received an arming, noise stopped.

I’m not sure why people are focusing on the word ‘rural’ in the title, when it’s really clear on what the problem is. OP was hoping for a peaceful rural life. Put a lot of work into improving the property to make it habitable and the neighbour is being shitty.

Honestly. Whilst not defending him, I’m wondering if he’s at the end of his tether with his new neighbours descending and making 6 months of noisy improvements. I’m not saying they were not justified but he may have the same complaint about his rural life being ruined. It was also the last 6 months of his wife’s life!

Try a second round of peace talks and then you’ll need to resort to formal noise complaints unfortunately

Speak to your local councillor. They might be able to provide solutions or even have a word themselves.

This is my feeling too.

OP have you tried the polite approach of going round with a bottle of wine and asking him to keep the noise down a bit? It might stick in the craw but it's easier to get on with your neighbours than have endless neighbours wars.

ive no advice (sorry) but it sounds like the next Bridget Jones film - the Rural Edit 😂

I would move. He won't change until he dies.

I would also report him for sexual harassment- that will get the police around to speak with him, and hopefully that’ll be enough to get him to stop his fuckery.
I wouldn’t publicly name and shame until you give him a change to stop this.

Yup this too. Sometime people just have to be ‘officially’ told off for it to be enough.

I think you sound pretty unkind. you moved in, gutted the place, rebuilt it and no doubt made shit loads of noise for months whilst doing all that.

The bloke's wife who he's probably spent all his life with has just died. He has a few friends round. Probably a bit deaf, given his age. Have you ever tried to just be pleasant neighbour to him. Ask him if he would mind turning it down a bit.

Record everything, noise poem etc etc.
keep a diary / log of it all with accompanying recordings.
Report to council for noise and police for the porn. Hopefully a visit from either or both will be enough to deter him.
Have you or your husband spoken to him and asked him to turn it down? Maybe he’s deaf … record that interaction too and the response you get! The more evidence you have, the better.

Might be worth waiting him out … doesn’t say how old he is 😆

Have you actually complained to him about the TV volume or not?

Next time it's really loud, go round there and hopefully he'll answer the door while the TV is still on full volume. Without giving him a chance to turn it down, take him into your house so that he can actually hear how loud it is.

The trouble is, he's probably a bit deaf. My mum has her TV really loud (detached house luckily) and she can't have a conversation without shouting even when I'm sitting right next to her. I don't think some people realise how loud they are being because they can't hear very well, so you just have to hope he takes your word for it.

Failing that, if everything else about the house and the neighbourhood is great and you've invested a lot of money, I'd just pay for the soundproofing. You are going to be flogging a dead horse trying to get the council or anyone else to get tough with an elderly, hard of hearing widower I'm afraid. They'll just tell you to be more understanding.

Given the state the house was in these renovations were essential works for the house to be habitable.

Totally agree. I live in a very rural area and the number of incomers from cities who think it's going to be paradise then get a bit of a shock and complain about oh just about everything -noisy neighbours/animals in fields/ single track roads/ poor internet coverage/no waitrose yawn is mind numbingly boring. If you don't like it then please do leave

Did you read the whole post? There's a lot more to it than asking him to 'turn it down a bit.' Would you really be OK with porn blasting through your wall as OP is describing?

Some men on trains and tubes in London are watching porn these days. They’re all grim, and extremely sad..

Didn’t you read the OP? The house was uninhabitable.

And I speak as someone who’s had 2 households, back to back, doing cosmetic refurbs for months at a time each, which was extremely disruptive and horrible and yet I never responded by blasting my TV from dawn till dusk.

@Thefabulousfrench dow he have children? The thing that worked when we had an elderly neighbour blasting out his TV was the fact that his own daughter pointed out how deafening it was (after we’d politely mentioned it to him) so he bought some headphones.

My idea of hell, wouldn't even like a day trip. Bit surprised people are buying property without doing the most basic research though.

Same issue though - has she actually politely asked him to turn his TV down instead of making him out to be some sexual deviant. FFS maybe he's just deaf, as many old people are. All talk of reporting him to council, outing him on FB, just totally OTT. Thinking it's all about HER, He's entitled to watch porn if he wants.

That is utterly vile behaviour

You could put a letter through the door and ask him to keep it down. Go over there when he does it and ask him to keep it down. Get noise cancelling headphones to watch TV etc Complain to the council.