Party, child with visible difference

[donttake]

Was 8 year olds birthday party on Saturday,
Some school friends, some out of school friends and some family were invited. First time doing a mixed party like that and the different groups kind of kept together so Dd was a bit pulled around but otherwise everything went great .

One of DD’s cousins who was at the party has a significant facial difference, purely physical and had no effect of their behaviour or abilities. I’ve had a message from a school friends mother saying thank-you for the party, dc had a great time etc but that she would have appreciated a heads up about dd’s cousin. That her dc were scared and upset and she doesn’t know how to deal with it so could I give advice.

I’m not being being unreasonable to think that’s outrageous, am I?

I have no idea what to reply

Or text back "Thank you for letting me know that you don't want your dd to be invited to Bella's party again because we choose to include everyone regardless of their differences." From Bella's mum

Yes this is perfect. I know more passive aggressive (or plain agressive) responses are tempting but then it will make it easier for her to dismiss them as you being unreasonable.

This is so clear and simple, it's perfect.

I like this answer

I absolutely think she wants to know and is trying to ask what the child's condition is but don't think that is my information to share or that it really matters.

Either this or just tell the bitch to go fuck herself. Hopefully she's a MNer and can read this for herself.

What a horrible person. I would be tempted to send a (only slightly) tongue in cheek reply back saying thanks for letting me know that the DC were upset by it, will be sure to remember to keep them off the invite list next time as cousin will be there and wouldn’t want to cause them any unnecessary upset🖕

Tell her to get counselling on how to teach her child about the world.

Despite my blood boiling at OP and everyone’s additionally stories, as the parent of a disabled child it is so nice to hear other people horrified. Parents of disabled children share these stories with lots of eye rolls and ffs but good to know other people agree.

ds didn’t invites to any parties one year because a helpful parent informed everyone he was too disabled to take part. Hilarious now as he heads straight out with pals after work on a Saturday but was rough at the time. Thank goodness for strong families.

If they were scared and upset, they were following her lead. IME children are curious about such differences, not frightened of them.

Vile human she is

Wow

That's all I'd reply.
Absolutely disgusting message to send someone, you talk to your child yourself about it, you don't message the host shit like that

I have a son, 6, with a visible difference which does not affect him in any other way. I can honestly say I would be responding in a very strong manner. This mum is a vile human being and should have taken the opportunity to educate her child on kindness, but unfortunately she was unable to do that as she has none to make comments of that nature about another child.

These type of people are why I hate some adults who have recoiled at my son and asked me 'what did you do to him?' I've learnt to deal with it to support my child and as soon as my child is out of ear shit I have been far for cutting with my response.

I would be more than happy to write that

My gorgeous niece/nephew had a fantastic time at Xx's party. Thankfully the children were welcoming of a visible difference which was lovely to see. Unfortunately it does tend to be adults that are less understanding. You were more than welcome to leave the party at any point, or have a positive conversation with your child about how we are all special and unique in our own way. A book called Sam's Birthmark can be a positive way to start this conversation. I would advise you to educate yourself by accessing the Changing Faces website which has fantastic support.'

I want to write 'don't be such a disgusting human being and I hope your child has someone who can teach her to be a decent human being, as clearly you aren't capable.'

Sorry, rant over. This hit too close to home.

Wtaf.

I would message something like “sorry for the late reply but your message left me speechless. I can not believe someone would be that lacking in consideration and empathy for other people that you would think this is in any way an appropriate message to send and I am frankly disgusted. I suggest you educate yourself and your children about visible differences and inclusivity so that when you are in a similar situation again you will be able to handle it more appropriately”.

Absolutely unbelievable.

In the grand old scheme of things, it doesn't matter, nor should you have to give any information that you don't feel comfortable giving. Doesn't change the facts that children often deal with things better when presented with facts and reason. If my child asked why someone was in a wheelchair for example, I'd find it alot easier to explain to him if I could provide him with the reason and the effects it has on them etc rather than just saying 'everyone is different honey'. It really is none of her business but she's probably just looking for the easiest way to explain what you refer to as 'such an obvious' difference. I'm not excusing it but chances are she is just looking to have a factual discussion with her children.

I would send her a link to the book What Happened to You by James Catchpole. Some bedtime reading might fo her good, as well as her child.

I'd be passive aggressive AF. "I have no advice to give. You will have to work this out on your own."

I honestly am so so angry for you OP
What an absolutely awful awful parents she is.

with my kids when younger, if they saw anyone "different e.g in a wheelchair" (please dont be offended by that term), I would say "ok ask me" I knew they had burning questions "why is she in a wheelchair" etc, but I always taught them be respectful and do not offend the person who you are curious about - treat them as you would your siblings/cousins and ask me later if you have too.

hope that isnt an awful explanation of how i got it through to young children. But frankly MOST children just crack on and play, not need to ask questions.

this woman, however, needs a slap into next week

Speaking of books, I was just reading my toddler his bedtime story and this page felt appropriate for the conversation.

Maybe just send her this picture 😉

That's an awful message to send. She doesn't need to know the child's condition to explain that people can look different and that has no bearing on how we should treat them. My DD9 would not have been scared or upset and would have just asked me after (well she probs would have asked the child out of curiosity tbf but I'm trying to get her to understand that's not always appropriate)

She should be ashamed of herself as a parent! I'm so glad my DD will play with anyone

When Cerrie Burnell started presenting on CBeebies, there were lots of complaints that she was scaring children. I know a kiddo with a similar limb difference and it’s utter nonsense, small children show curiosity older ones sometimes go ‘ugh’ but there is never fear. That is pure projection from the parents in question.

I’m so sorry you had that to deal with and I hope you can find the perfect response.

That's shocking. I hope she sees this thread.

I expect what might have happened is her kids asked afterwards. Mine might do this. This is the point at which you do parenting, and use it to explain differences in a sensible way. What on earth does she want you to say back?!

This. After you've told her to fuck off, of course. What a disgusting message!

What an awful woman. The absolute audacity to even type that out and think it’s an acceptable thing to say! Total dickhead. Please reply to her letting her know she’s a total dickhead too!

You saying’nope’ and telling me I’m wrong has not in the converted me to your point of view! Shouldn’t think that this woman would change her views just by someone telling her they are ‘unacceptable’. She needs to know why they. are, and what would be an alternative way of approaching this situation.