Party, child with visible difference

[donttake]

Was 8 year olds birthday party on Saturday,
Some school friends, some out of school friends and some family were invited. First time doing a mixed party like that and the different groups kind of kept together so Dd was a bit pulled around but otherwise everything went great .

One of DD’s cousins who was at the party has a significant facial difference, purely physical and had no effect of their behaviour or abilities. I’ve had a message from a school friends mother saying thank-you for the party, dc had a great time etc but that she would have appreciated a heads up about dd’s cousin. That her dc were scared and upset and she doesn’t know how to deal with it so could I give advice.

I’m not being being unreasonable to think that’s outrageous, am I?

I have no idea what to reply

This is utterly outrageous and speaks VOLUMES of her own parenting ability. Sorry you’ve had to deal with this OP.

Deal with what?

Fantasising? You said the OP should say sorry. I disagree.

Only one fantasist here.

That is the kind of person I can't help ghosting. I'd just never want to reply or ever interact with that woman again.

Although a lot of people say that children use difference to pick on others that's not my experience until they get older.

This says a lot about that mother than anyone else.

Agreed.

I think lots of people care and think this woman's behaviour was awful, as evidenced on this thread.
You have a very strong reaction of derision to people on this thread.
Why the need for the (immature) name calling?

The kids didn't pick on anyone. The party, as OP said, went great.

Their reaction was absolutely normal and age appropriate, which is a well studied and accepted reality.

The mother was a bit insensitive and should have educated them appropriately.

I think someone's 7 year old has got hold of their phone.

Now you're not making any sense, unless you're actively trying for a deletion of thread/your posts?

Ah just a goady silly then. Bless your heart.

Er, deal with a mother who is so ill equipped as a parent to explain diversity and inclusivity to her child, that she’s blaming OP for not letting her have ‘advance warning’ that another child at the party has a facial difference.

A person texted her and was a bit insensitive. To deal with means to take action and solve a problem. The OP did not have to do anything, she was not required to take any action or solve any problem. Could have simply ignored.

I like this answer too.
My neice has a visible difference, she is one of the 'stories' on the changing faces website and has campaigned for them too.

This women's attitude is awful, but the goal is to change it, to make her think, so that she approaches people differently and so that he child knows how to behave.
Calling her a cunt and blocking her will just confirm to her that she is in the right.

I think the reading of the parent’s comment as a shitty ableist comment is only one possible reading, and not the most natural one.

She told OP her kids were scared - OP didn’t observe any such thing at the party. I think what’s happened here is that the kids have asked questions when they got home and this woman hasn’t a clue how to answer them. The very fact that she thought it was OK to email OP in this way is ableist in itself. It is not the job of disabled people and their families to educate people about disability. And suggesting a ‘heads up’ in advance is akin to the saying the child should come with a trigger warning. It’s disgusting.

There is enough literature out there for parents to utilise when teaching their kids about inclusivity - not to mention the subject being regularly included in kids TV programming - there is no excuse for what this woman did, it was totally unnecessary.

Agree with others this speaks volumes of her parenting. She doesn’t need to know the child’s facial condition to explain to the children that some people look different.

Children (especially depending on age) will ask a lot about what they see. They’ll ask why is that lady so fat, why is that man in a wheelchair, why is that lady bald, what’s wrong with that child’s face. Never in a million years would you ask just so you can explain it to your child! You take it as a learning curve to teach your child to be inclusive and not to ask these questions.

We face all different types of people throughout life, should we constantly have a warning when someone different is going to be somewhere? What age should this warning stop? Her message is disgusting. Children will ask questions but she didn’t need to involve you in her explanation to them at all!

OMG. I would reply asking if she knows how to be a decent parent and how to treat people with respect and kindness.

What? What's the problem with any of what i said?

That you think it’s OK to actually ask what the childs’ disability is. It is not the job of disabled people to educate others about their own, or any other disability. And disability specific information isn’t needed to educate a child as to how to handle diversity and be kind and inclusive.