To not have invited my friend’s girlfriend to the wedding?

[PlusOneThousand]

We sent out wedding invitations a month ago for our wedding in the early summer. A friend of mine (and now my partner’s) of around a decade has been invited, but his girlfriend, whom he’s been with for approx 2 years, has not. The rationale is that I’ve never actually met her - I see him quite regularly but she always makes excuses or drops out at the last minute. This must’ve happened on around 10 occasions, so I stopped asking and she’s never made any effort. They don’t live together. Our friendship has changed a bit as a result and I do see him less often but we still have a good time when we do.

Onto the wedding… my wedding is not small but we have struggled a bit with numbers and also had a mental rule that while there may be some instances where one of us had not met a guest, if neither bride nor groom had met the +1, we were minded not to invite them unless there were extenuating circumstances.

My friend is actually fine with this and was very understanding - and I said if we got some declines and there was space I’d consider inviting GF closer to the time.

Apparently the woman is so incensed by the lack of invite that there’s no point even inviting her later. She is completely outraged because he was invited as a +1 to a wedding of her friend’s (who I obviously don’t know! Not sure how it’s relevant). So - was I BU to not invite her?

Give the reason you’ve wrote here and don’t worry about it.

People are far too entitled when it comes to weddings.

She sounds like a PITA. Yanbu. They probably won’t be together long term if she’s this much of a drama queen, so it won’t matter that she’s not on your wedding photos.

You have never met her, her choice. Why on earth would she expect an invitation? Ignore her and enjoy your day.

I'm sure we had a thread from the girlfriend's perspective recently!

You should have invited her. 2 years isn’t 2 months. My now DH would have said no to you if you had not invited me. You invite her because you respect him. Whether you have met her is besides the point. In the circumstances I’d not come off the subs bench to make up the numbers. I’d be booking a very nice day out for myself.

For me, it's odd to invite anyone to a wedding without a partner, especially one they've been with for a long time, but I realise I'm old fashioned and weddings are now all about the B&G rather than the guests.

I guess it depends if you want to have any sprt of a relationship with her and/or maintain your friendship with him. I doubt it takes a rocket scientist to work out why she's not to keen on her BF's long standing female friend. If he cares about her, he'll prioritise her and distance himself from you now.

I would invite her and then withdraw the invite, back out. And if she asks why just tell her that is what it feels like.

If it genuinely is her I’d be very interested to read it! Could you share the link?

hmm, I’m not sure I agree with this. Whilst I’ve been friends with him a long time, my fiancé now joins us most of the time and is also as good of a friend (he is invited on the stag do!). So really we’re now friends with him as a couple and were initially very excited to meet her and pleased for him.

Really annoyingly I can't remember the title. Pretty sure it's in AIBU though.

She has not got any right to be "incensed" with you! She hasn't even met you - how very weird of her to overreact like that. Why would she even want to be at your wedding? Does she know your dh at all?

All that said, I have turned down a wedding invitation, in part because my OH wasn't invited. I was working a lot at the time and liked spending my weekends with my OH. I didn't know the wedding couple very well either, so turned it down

I understand your logic, but I would have definitely invited a partner of two years. I did so at our wedding and have no regrets. We decided who we wanted at our wedding, and then downscaled and chose the venue according to that rather then the other way round. I know that is probably unusual.

We invited single people with a plus one, saying it could be anybody from a partner or friend to a relative. Just so they would not be on their own. Work colleagues excepted as they were a group anyway.

Sorry not dh! Dfiance or whatever

i was expecting you to say they’d been together a couple of months, not two years! I think two years is a significant relationship (are they living together?) and warrants an invite.

She can fuck right off!

How can she expect an invite to a wedding of people she makes no effort with???

I wouldn't invite out of principle now even if I had 20 people decline the invite, as I wouldn't want to be looking at her sour face all day whilst shes there at my expense!

You've done nothing wrong and you have explained all the reasons to your friend who seems to understand. She sounds hard work!

When I got married we only invited 10 guests. My best friend at the time had a new partner (of just a few months) who I hadn't met, or maybe just met once briefly I can't remember! and i didn't foresee them remaining together for long after the wedding, they were a very odd match! So we didn't invite her! I didn't want to look back at my wedding photos and keep seeing some random person who meant absolutely nothing to me! Given the size of the wedding party, it was v intimate and really just for close family and my two best friends and my husbands best man and his wife (who we knew a long time).

My friend was upset I'd not invited her partner, so I had to invite her. Sure enough, a month after the wedding they split up. She didn't even speak to me at the wedding! She's in all the photos! But now when I look back I just try and remember the funny side

Going to a wedding without a plus 1 shit. Honestly, who would want to do that?

I think it’s a faux pas to not invite a significant partner to a wedding with a guest list of more than 50

He is friends with at least five other guests.

I think you probably need to remember you're hearing this from him... I bet her version is a bit different.

I usually think people should invite established couples since I hate the social awkwardness of half couples turning up to weddings just because people don't pick the right venue that they can afford. However, in this instance I don't think you're in the wrong since you've never actually met her.

If people don't make the most basic social effort to meet their partner'sfriends and family, why should they expect invites to social events?

Why 50?

We didn't invite +1s that we hadn't met. One friend complained and didn't come, but it was her choice! Not my problem! She would've known other friends, also there!

I think it’s fine. If you do have space later, I’d consider being the bigger person and inviting her. That way it’s her turning down the invitation.

We invited Dh’s cousin and his long term girlfriend but not the gf of Dh’s other cousin (they’d been dating about 4 months at that point). Between invites going out and wedding, cousin and long term gf broke up. And they decided to trade their plus ones. We didn’t even know til a few days before when cousin with new gf needed to request a vegetarian meal for her! 😳 Sounds chaotic, but was fine.

They are now a decade married with 2 dc and she’s lovely so I’m glad it worked out. She always tells me that our wedding was the best one she’s ever been to and they actually asked to ‘borrow’ a few things we did (it was quite an eccentric humanist wedding). So I always feel a little smug about that as well. 😂

Well I made up 50, but I meant if it’s a very very small wedding then maybe it’s ok, but frankly I would be upset if my partner of 2 years was invited to a wedding without me. Because it sort of closes the door on that friendship before it’s even started.

I invited both parts of couples for my wedding.